


Amalgamation

by loraine95



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-03-16 00:22:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 69,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3467504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loraine95/pseuds/loraine95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A cross-over fan fic between Dragon Age and Mass Effect.  Shepard wakes up in Ferelden after activating the Catalyst and destroying the Reapers. As she unravels where she is and how to get back home, she uncovers shocking truths about how she's already connected to Ferelden, the Blight, and the darkspawn.</p>
<p>All characters belong to Bioware.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Separation

**Author's Note:**

> Please message me with your thoughts. I love to hear them!

**Chapter One - Separation**

"Come on, Shepard. Just take five minutes. A quick drink. Then I'll go."  
  
 _I've heard this line before,_ I thought to myself. _We're about to go against the reapers head on, and Kaidan..._ I sighed internally, resigning myself to my fate. Maybe this is just what I need.  
  
Data pad still in hand, I reluctantly joined him by the couch and took the glass he extended to me. "Shepard, you know you've done everything you could, right?"  
  
Sitting down, exhausted, I rubbed my temples and tried to block out the endless scenarios running through my mind. "I hope so. I keep running the numbers to see if I've missed something." I knew myself too well. Once we get to London, I'm going to think of everything I should have done. How I should have placed more Turians with the alpha team, how perhaps fewer Krogans were really needed with the bravo team when they could have been more useful on the front lines.  
  
"You don't have to take this all on yourself. Look to your crew, to the talented people fighting by your side." He sat down beside me, his presence reassuring. "What you've accomplished since the reapers arrived is, well, it's nothing short of amazing." Leaning in close, he fixed his gaze on me. "It's, it's going to be...it's going to be what it is."  
  
He always did try to be gentle but honest. We both knew there was really, according to EDI, a 1.2% chance of success. I guess it's better than zero. Just call me Ms. Brightside. Turning toward him, I tried to smile. "There's always something more that I could have done." I caressed his cheek, realizing I was so thankful for him, my soft place to land. Without him, I would have gone crazy or been killed by now. If I was honest with myself, I was grateful for the distraction he provided. "You're exactly what I need right now, Kaidan."  
  
I closed my eyes and felt his lips gently press against mine. Almost all of my tension melted away. Almost.  
  
Kaidan let out a guilty laugh. "I lied. I didn't come up here for a quick drink." I smirked and kissed him again. "I know." Wrapping my arms around his neck, I whispered, "You mean a lot to me Kaidan. I love you." As he drew me into a warm embrace, he whispered back, "I love you, too. I always have. And I have something important to ask you."  
  
His heart was pounding so hard I could feel it against my own chest. What could it be? Is there someone he wants me to find for him? A student or his father perhaps? We don't have time for side trips, and he should know that I...  
  
He pulled away and took my hands in his. His face flushed, and his breathing shortened. I was starting to worry.  
  
"Kaidan, what is it? Is there something wrong? Do I need to get Dr. Chakwas?"  
  
Squeezing my hands, he laughed nervously. "No, no, I'm fine. I mean, I'll be fine. I hope. It really depends on you." He took a deep breath and looked down, collecting his thoughts. Then he began to speak.  
  
"I was crazy for you from the moment I carried you back to the Normandy from Eden Prime. And I fell in love with you that night before Ilos. I've loved you ever since, even when I thought you were dead, even when I thought you were with Cerberus, I was never able to let you go. And I can't lose you again. We've made it so far together, you and I, against all odds. Surviving the first reaper at the Citadel, the collector attacks. And here we are, together, like I think we were meant to be." He hesitated, swallowing hard. Then he stood, letting go of my hands and reaching into his right shirt pocket. Finding what he sought, he knelt down in front of me, one knee to the ground.  
  
 _What's happening? Is this honestly happening?_ I felt my own breathing get shallower and my heart begin to flutter.  
  
Kaidan opened his hand and within it was a flawless silver band. It reflected the light of my cabin, appearing nearly white due to its brilliance. Looking into my eyes expectantly, I could feel him trying to read my thoughts.  
  
"I never want to be without you, and even if all of this goes south, I want to leave knowing we had a future beyond this war. If we get through this, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He paused, and then... "Marry me, Shepard."  
  
I was speechless. As tears filled my eyes, all I could do was nod. I fell forward onto him, knocking him backwards and landing on his chest. He held me in a tight hug, laughing warmly.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes." Pulling me to my feet, he grabbed my left hand and slipped the band onto my finger. "I know you're a practical woman, strong and pure, beautiful and magnificent. Like this ring. You're such a rare and wonderful thing to find amidst all this...darkness."  
  
I wiped away my tears and kissed him. I couldn't bring myself to let him go. "Kaidan, I wish I was as eloquent with words. All I can say is that I feel the same for you, and I never want to live a day without you again."  
  
"And that makes me so happy," he replied, smiling.  
  
I suddenly had even more to fight for.  
___  
  
It was hard to believe that was only last night. Or was it two days ago? It was getting harder to think. _Must...stay...awake. Can't...pass out..._  
  
The rubble from some kind of blast was pushing on my chest. Was it a blast? I could smell burning flesh. Was it mine? _Think, Shepard, get it together._ I knew my life depended on it. I've been with soldiers who couldn't stay with it, and once they fell asleep, you could never wake them back up.  
  
Okay, thinking will help. _Remember._ There was a child...on the Citadel. The Catalyst. A choice I had to make. What did I do? I remember drawing my gun and…the Reapers...destroy the Reapers. The geth, EDI, all synthetic life, I destroyed. All gone, because of me.  
  
I could feel the anger and grief welling up in me. Good, that was good. Adrenaline will keep me alive.  
  
Voices. A search party, maybe? I couldn't see through the haze and dust. Louder now, footsteps, clanking.  
  
"Over here! I see something moving."  
  
"If it's darkspawn, kill the fiend and let us be on our way."  
  
"Let me take a closer look."  
  
Weight off of my chest, and I could see...I could...  
  
"Maker's breath, I think it's a woman! She's awake, but barely."  
  
A man, blonde, shiny. Shiny? I must be hallucinating. Reflecting light from...somewhere. Flashlights maybe? As he moved more rubble from around my body, I could see he was wearing metal gloves. Shiny metal gloves and armor. Armor like I'd only seen in vids. Another man, brown hair and a beard, joined him to help lift me onto something soft. A stretcher? I couldn't tell.  
  
"What in Andraste's name is she wearing?" one of the asked.  
  
The blonde inspected me. "There's a patch here with strange writing on it. Nothing I recognize. Where could she have come from?"  
  
"Well, Duncan's been to several lands. Perhaps he would recognize her armor. Tevinter, maybe?"  
  
They both picked up the...stretcher? Cot? And began carrying me, the blonde behind and the bearded man in front. "In any case, it looks like the darkspawn left her for dead. How do you think she ended up under all that rubble?" Enough adrenaline had pumped through my system that I had enough strength to finally speak.  
  
"Who are you? I need to see Admiral Anderson." It hit me suddenly that Anderson had died up there. Died right beside me. My mentor, my friend, and now he's gone. I tried to sit up, but pain shot through my back like a knife. Cursing under my breath, I bit my lip to keep from passing out.  
  
They stopped, still holding me, the blonde one looking surprised. "You speak! And with a most interesting accent. You've been badly injured. If your admiral is out there, we'll find him. Now tell us, what were you doing out here alone? What is your name?"  
  
I tried to keep my frustration and worry at bay long enough to answer. "My name is Shepard, and I'm with the Alliance. I'm a Spectre. Are we still in London? Who is your commanding officer? And what the hell is darkspawn?"  
  
Now I could tell they were especially confused. What is going on?  
  
"Uh, right, London, you said? Is that where you think you are? And this 'alliance' you speak of, who is it an alliance with, exactly? And what, pray, is a Spectre?"  
  
I gritted my teeth against the pain. "Just tell me who you are and who you're with."  
  
The two men began walking again, the blonde looking down at me as he spoke. "Alistair of the Grey Wardens, pleased to make your acquaintance. I'd shake your hand, but I'm a bit busy carrying a load that's a lot heavier than it looks." Ah, a smart alec. Wonderful. "What you call London, we call Ostagar, which is in Ferelden," he stated in a tone that implied he was talking to a 5-year old.  
  
Grey Wardens? Ostagar? Ferelden? What in the world is going on? And on _which_ world, exactly?


	2. The Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan makes up for past regrets, and Shepard's rescuers try to determine who she is and where she came from.

"You're bluffing."  
  
"Then call already."  
  
"This is my last stash before I hit the Citadel. Go easy on me, man."  
  
"When have I ever gone easy on anyone? If you can't take the heat, stay out of the damn kitchen."  
  
"Chill out, geez." Joker looked at his hand in disgust. "I fold."  
  
James Vega rolled his eyes and turned toward Garrus Vakarian. The turian snorted. "I fold. And for the record, this game is nonsensical. It's 80% luck and 20% skill. Why would anyone base their manhood on that?"  
  
Vega laughed. "I base my manhood on the new submachine gun I'm going to buy after I clean you out."  
  
"Please," Garrus chided. "Everyone knows my gun is a hell of a lot bigger than yours."  
  
"Hey guys, can we stop talking about the size of our metaphorical guns and just get on with the hand?" Joker leaned over to peek at Kaidan Alenko's cards. "It's to you, Major."  
  
If Kaidan heard, he didn't show it. Eyes glazed over, he wasn't looking at his cards, he was staring straight through them.  
  
"Yo, lover boy." Vega gave him a generous kick under the table. "The pilot says it's to you."  
  
Snapping out of his reverie, Kaidan shook his head slightly. "Right." He paused, looking at his chips. "What's the bet?"  
  
"Oh for god's sake, Alenko, where have you been? It's 20,000 credits."  
  
"Ah, right, sorry. I'll...call."  
  
Joker began snickering. "I can't wait until you all see what my boy's got."  
  
Vega rolled his eyes for a second time and, fanning his cards down on the Alliance branded poker table, announced his hand. "Full house, deuces and jacks." As he reached for the huge pile of chips in front of him, Kaidan slammed his hand over Vega's. "Hold it." He held up his cards for his crew to see. "Straight flush."  
  
"What?" Vega cried. Taking a drag from his smoldering cigar, Kaidan smiled at Garrus as he raked in his winnings. "If you can't take the heat..."  
  
"Shut the hell up," Vega laughed. "Winner buys a round of drinks in Purgatory. Deal?"  
  
Kaidan smirked. "Deal."  
  
"Deal if he has enough left over after he goes ring shopping," Joker ribbed.  
  
"What?" Now it was Garrus' turn to be incredulous.  
  
Kaidan's glare in Joker's direction could have melted glass. "I can't believe you just said that." He sighed. "Fine, now you know. That doesn't leave this room. Agreed?"  
  
"Oh man, I'm sorry, I was just, too much to drink. It slipped. But we're happy for you. Really, she's gonna say yes."  
  
Vega shook his head. "Wow, you honestly trusted Joker with a secret? That's harder to believe than your straight flush."  
  
"Hey, we go way back, something you wouldn't understand. So shut it, Vega, or I'll change the environmental settings for the shuttle bay to a sauna just for you," Joker snapped.  
  
Vega ignored the threat. "So that's what you've been so damn preoccupied about," he muttered. As the men stood to gather their chips and drain the last of their whiskey, he punched Kaidan in the arm. "Going for Lola, you lucky bastard. How are you gonna ask? Romantic dinner date, maybe go to the shooting range, and when she loads her clip, it could jam, and when she takes it out, the ring is in the chamber?"  
  
Joker laughed out loud. "Wow, Vega, you've really thought this through. Who you gonna go after, Tali?"  
  
Vega quirked an eyebrow. "I don't know, ask Garrus."  
  
All eyes turned to the turian, who raised his hands in defense. "What? Why are you looking at me?" he stuttered. "She helps me calibrate the engines. She's good at it!"  
  
Everyone roared with laughter in unison as Garrus shook his head. "Childish. I've got work to do."  
  
"Yeah, calibrating, we know," Vega said through tears.  
  
As Garrus walked through the now open observation deck doors with Joker close behind, Kaidan picked up his Alliance jacket and turned to leave. Before he could make a full exit, he felt a hand on his shoulder; he turned to see Vega staring at him with a furrowed brow.  
  
"Off the record, dropping rank, one man to another. You really gonna ask her, when we're fighting for our lives and she's the only one that can save our collective asses? Don't you think she has enough to worry about besides getting her ass chewed by the Alliance for fraternization? Not that everybody doesn't already know and turn a blind eye, but a proposal just waves it in the Alliance's face."  
  
Kaidan took a deep breath. "Trust me, I know. I've gone back and forth in my mind about it. But this is something I want to do. Something I have to do. Maybe it's selfish, but I can't go into the final battle without letting her know that I'm devoted to her and only her, and that I want to spend every waking moment cherishing her. She's my motivation, and she needs to know that."  
  
The furrowed brow didn't go away, but Vega nodded. "Okay, Alenko. Then you should know I'm behind you. And I won't say anything about..." Before he could continue, a comm assistant entered the deck. Upon seeing his superior, he snapped to attention. Vega followed suit. "Major."  
  
Kaidan returned the salute. "As you were." He turned with a smile and left.  
  
What they didn't know, what he never dared tell another living soul, was that two and half years ago after beating a massive reaper and being shocked they all survived, he had bought a ring. At a little kiosk on the Presidium that set up shop after the Citadel was first reopened to the public. It was a crazy, spontaneous purchase. Seeing it made him immediately think of her - brilliant, seamless, unbroken. No one knew, and he actually never planned to ask her. He just...he didn't know. Perhaps he was a romantic, knowing that he could ask if he ever wanted to. But he never did. And then she died.  
  
He hadn't told her this, and maybe he never would, but he had chartered a private shuttle back to the planet where she was lost to him. Maybe he thought he could recover her, give her a proper burial, one she deserved. He was going to leave her the ring, but it was crazy to think he could find her amidst all of the rubble and ice. Instead, he found himself looking to the sky, picturing her body falling through the atmosphere, hitting the soft snow, and being utterly crumpled and alone. The sun would rise and fall over her unmoving form, the universe would continue to exist, and she would remain here for all eternity, completely lifeless and abandoned. The thought devastated him, obsessed him in his sleep, and he was never the same man afterward. The worry lines in his face grew deeper, his hair greyer, and his demeanor more somber. He tried to replace her with many things. The Alliance, a sense of duty, and yes, other women. But none could ever come close to her. And there, hanging beside his dog tags around his neck, was a perfect unbroken band, a constant reminder of her. That is, until Horizon. For the first time, he questioned everything he had believed in, everything he held dear. And for the first time, he stopped wearing the ring.  
  
But here they were, together again against impossible odds. And even more impossible was that he still had that ring from so long ago. And this time, he was going to give it to her.

* * *

  
Ostagar. Ferelden. I've landed on plenty of planets with places I'd never heard of, but the difference this time was finding humans. Seeing hanar, krogan, asari, sure. But to run into your own species in a place you've never seen on any star chart…it was a little jarring.  
  
Fireworks started swimming in my vision, bursts of light I couldn't shake. I took a deep breath and let out a ragged cough. I tasted blood.  
  
"The poultices aren't enough. We need to get her to a Circle mage."  
  
The two men kept walking, and with each harsh step, I winced. Taking inventory, I counted at least four broken bones, two open wounds, maybe even a punctured lung. I'm not going to last the night, I thought to myself. I needed Chakwas, medi-gel. Maybe there's some left in my reserve pouch. Reaching for it made me realize my shoulder was out of the socket. I cried out in pain.  
  
"Alistair, for all we know, we could be walking an enemy straight into our camp. What if she's a maleficar? Or what if she's been affected by the taint?"  
  
I lifted my arm, trying to get Alistair's attention. If I could stop and apply medi-gel, it'll buy me some time until…until what? Until the Alliance finds me? I could feel myself slipping closer to unconsciousness.  
  
"We can't just leave her to die. That's not our call."  
  
 _Maleficar? What the hell is that?_ And then everything went dark.  
___  
  
I cherished these moments when we were able to be alone. One thing Cerberus knew a thing or two about was comfortable couches. Frequently we found ourselves scheduling mandatory debriefings in my quarters just to sink into the L-shaped leather. Legitimate meetings at first, but sitting just a bit closer to one another with each encounter. The first time we curled up in each other's arms was after an all night raid on a batarian outpost. We were both so tired and the couch so comfortable, we fell asleep. When I finally awoke, my head had somehow found its way onto Kaidan's chest with his arms wrapped around me. I had lain there, focusing on his breathing and the beating of his heart as he slept. And I knew then that I had never stopped loving him.  
  
"I love you, Shepard. You know that, right?"  
  
I snapped out of my daydream and smiled, resting my forehead against Kaidan's neck as I draped my arms around his shoulders.  
  
"You've mentioned it a few times," I replied.  
  
"I have to make up for all of the moments I should have said it before." I tensed. Ever since the incident with Udina on the Citadel and rejoining the Normandy crew, Kaidan couldn't seem to let go of his regret for distrusting me. I had shown him, in intimate detail, that I was the same woman he had known years before, and he had shown me in return that he believed me. But his remorse for not trusting me all along was palpable.  
  
"Kaidan, you've got to stop trying to make up for lost time. I love you. You, the man who made those decisions and didn't follow a possible imposter on blind faith and lost love." I drew away and looked into his eyes, forcing him to gaze back into mine. "The past is behind us. Be with me now, in this moment. Not in the moments that should have been."  
  
After a long stretch of silence, he seemed to make an internal decision. He nodded and pulled me into a warm embrace. "You're right. No more looking behind. From now on, I'm only moving ahead."  
___  
  
"Is she waking up?"  
  
"Get back, give her room."  
  
"Are you sure she's even breathing?"  
  
"Alistair, I said get back!"  
  
"Geez, Wynne, I was just making sure she wasn't turning into a demon or something."  
  
"I told you already, she's not a mage."  
  
"Right, right. Just a random human in black armor made out of material no one can identify with a black metal…thing strapped to her side that makes clay pots explode when you point it at them. Perfectly harmless, really."  
  
Oh, dear Lord. The feeling of Kaidan's arms around me faded as harsh reality set in. I slowly opened my eyes. Still in my armor, I was lying on a quite uncomfortable couch in a stone room with high ceilings and slit windows. My heart sunk in my chest. So it was only a dream, a memory of Kaidan that was dimming more and more with each word coming out of that man's mouth.  
  
After shaking my head and propping myself up on my elbows, I managed one sentence. "Would…you…please…shut up?"  
  
Both parties turned to face me, the one called Wynne with a raised eyebrow, and the one called Alistair with a gaping mouth. Wynne was dressed in a long, form-fitting robe made of gold and amber material. She held a staff of braided oak in her right hand, leaning on it slightly for support. Her hair was silver, pulled back into a neat bun. Although the lines of her face betrayed her age, her stature suggested a woman of strength and intelligence. And then there was Alistair. My eyes flicked over to him.  
  
For the first time, I wasn't seeing his face upside-down from a crude stretcher. He wore grey metal armor from head to toe flecked with dried blood. It looked heavy, and yet it was oddly flattering. On his back was a sheathed sword and shield. His short, blonde hair was a mess, completely opposite from Kaidan's perfect salt-and-pepper, each individual hair always in its place. His facial features were chiseled, yet his eyes were a soft, warm brown. In fact, you might even call him handso…wait a minute. My hand went to my side. To my alarm, my pistol was missing.  
  
"You took my weapon? Where is it?"  
  
"Of course we took your weapon. We don't know whose side you're on yet. And you're not getting it back until we find out." Alistair crossed his arms over his chest. "And here was I expecting a thank you for saving your life. How stupid of me."  
  
Now that I think about it, I do feel better, I thought to myself. Much better, in fact. Better than I really should have felt, even with Chakwas' expertise and the secret stash of pain meds I kept hidden in my quarters on the Normandy. This created even more questions, and I needed to start gathering the answers.  
  
Their postures, arms crossed and brows furrowed, revealed their extreme wariness. If I were in their position with a strange human from another colony appearing out of thin air with no ship or crew, I'd be just as cautious. I should be grateful they didn't have me in cuffs.  
  
I sat up slowly, testing my range of motion. "Actually, you're right. I don't feel any pain. No broken bones, no stitches." Stretching my legs, I stood and took a couple of tentative hops. "I was almost dead. Have I been unconscious for that long?"  
  
Wynnee regarded me dubiously. "You were asleep for only a few hours. The first enchanter, Irving, has powers beyond my own. I did what I could, but he was able to heal you completely."  
  
"Remarkable," I replied. Whatever they did, it worked even better than Cerberus tech. "Thank you, thank you both for saving my life. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. As you can imagine, I've been through hell the last 24 hours, and considering I have no idea where I am or why, I'm a little on edge. You understand, I hope."  
  
Alistair's posture straightened. I could tell he was surprised by my response. "Well…yes, of course. We couldn't leave you out there to die. It's not my style." His eyes narrowed. "No promises on not killing you later if you turn out to be our enemy. You understand, I hope," he replied flatly.  
  
Oh boy, a long row to hoe with this one. "I wouldn't expect anything less," I said, matching his tone. I walked to a full length mirror in the corner of the room and was startled by my own appearance. My armor was charred black, my face covered with blood and dust. I looked like something out of a nightmare. How did they even identify me as human under all this filth?  
  
"As you can imagine, we have several questions we'd like you to answer."  
  
I turned to Wynne, who had been carefully observing my every move. "Before we begin the interrogation, would you mind if I cleaned up a bit? Do you have a lavatory I could use?"  
  
Wynne looked at me quizzically. "A…lavatory?"  
  
Great, the language barrier had finally arrived and smacked me between the eyes. As with every race, you have to learn the lingo. The language chips surgically implanted into every sentient species' ear canals could only do so much. "Yes, like a room with a toilet and a shower?"  
  
They both starred at me, completely dumbfounded. I shook my head, trying to find the words. "A place where I can relieve myself and wash off this grime?"  
  
Finally, recognition. "Yes, certainly," Wynne stated. "Follow me." I walked beside her down a stone encased hallway and into a large room with a fireplace, large canopy bed, and metal tub. Noticing the pan beside the bed, I realized there was no indoor plumbing. This civilization, whomever they were, were literal millennia behind ours. The situation grew more and more puzzling by the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, thank you so much for the comments and feedback! I hope you're enjoying this as much as I enjoy writing it. I love to hear your thoughts, so please, keep them coming!


	3. The Landing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Normandy crash lands on a mysterious planet, and Shepard is given an important gift.

Admiral Hackett's voice flooded the cockpit. "All fleets, the Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point. I repeat, disengage and get the hell out of here."  
  
Joker frantically maneuvered the Normandy to barely miss an incoming piece of shrapnel from a nearby airship explosion. The Reapers were closing in on their position, but he had to get to the Citadel. If Shepard armed the Crucible, it means she's still alive. He could save her. After all she'd done, there was no way he would leave her behind. Not again.  
  
He would risk dying. He had come to terms with his own mortality years ago. In truth, he had thought along with everyone else too scared to admit it that the war was lost to the Reapers and all of them would die here anyway. What had seemed like an isolated threat three years ago had become a full-scale extermination of every living species in the galaxy. Shepard had beaten the odds several times, even managed to create temporary peace between opposing races for the sake of the war effort, but everyone knew their odds of survival, let alone winning, were miniscule at best. Hearing that Shepard had actually made it onto the Citadel was a miracle. But then again, he should have known better than to doubt her. They had been through the deadly Omega 4 relay together after all, and he had resigned himself to death then, too. But somehow, she defeated the Collectors, destroyed their base, and returned with every single crew member alive and well. How the hell she does it, he'll never know. But one thing he did know – they couldn't lose her now. Not like this.  
  
He felt Garrus' hand on his shoulder. He tried to brush it off. He needed to focus, and he knew no one would understand that better than Garrus. The turian must agree with him that Shepard had to be rescued.  
  
"Joker, listen. We have to go."  
  
What? He can't be serious, Joker thought. This was non-negotiable. Garrus shook him, breaking his concentration. As he saw the catalyst powering up to release a burst of massive energy, he knew she was about to die. No one, not even Shepard, could survive the blast that was coming. In his heart, he also knew he had a responsibility to the entire crew; he couldn't risk them all, and there simply wasn't enough time to save the commander and make the jump. Because of him, she had died once. Now she would die a second time, and he was powerless to stop it. Whenever she had called on the Normandy, no matter where she was or how dangerous the airspace, he had always managed to get to her. But not this time. He wanted to scream, to cry out to her in the hopes that she would hear him. He wanted to explain that he did everything he knew to do, and it still wasn't good enough to protect her. This time, she would look up to the inky blackness of space scattered with demolished fleets and descending reapers, and Normandy wouldn't be there for her.  
  
"Damn it," he whispered. Reluctantly, as if in a dream, he engaged the FTL drives and made the jump, once again forsaking Commander Shepard to the darkness of space.

* * *

"EDI, where the hell are we?" Joker cried. He was frantically running calculations while trying to outmaneuver the red tidal wave of power ready to overtake them.  
  
"Our FTL navigation system was damaged before the jump, Jeff. We have arrived at an unknown location."  
  
Fantastic, he lamented. He could feel his ship being sucked into the flaming vortex behind them while simultaneously being pushed forward at speeds he knew the hull couldn't handle. It looked like they were going to perish after all. Going back for Shepard wouldn't have mattered. For some strange reason, the thought brought him a small bit of peace. Maybe that's the feeling you get right before you know you're going to die. He prayed that was the feeling Shepard had right before she…  
  
Just as he felt the Normandy being ripped apart at the seams, the energy behind them completely collapsed. Where one second before there had been a maelstrom ready to tear them to shreds, there was now only pinpoints of light, unfamiliar stars in the landscape of space.  
  
He didn't have long to question what had just occurred. Kaidan crashed into the helm and with a look of poorly disguised alarm and shouted, "We've lost pressure on deck 1 and we were forced to seal it off. The starboard hull is cracking on this level. I have every biotic holding up temporary barriers, but they won't last long. We either need synthetic barriers to replace them or somewhere to land in the next 15 minutes or we're all about to be airlocked."  
  
Joker's hands were a blur as he replied, "No offense, Major, but why the hell are you in here if you could be out there helping with barriers?"  
  
"Because I'm the only one who knows where all of the breaches are and the only one that could come in here and tell you! Don't you think I'd rather be out there helping the crew than standing here telling you something you should have already figured out?" Kaidan roared.  
  
Tensions were running high and people were starting to crack. This was reminding everyone a little too much of how the first Normandy was destroyed. "EDI, damn it, why didn't you tell me any of this? Better yet, why didn't you just take care of it?"  
  
"Many of my core functions are badly damaged and can no longer contain the breach. I have reverted all of my secondary power to scanning for a nearby habitable planet."  
  
Kaidan gripped the back of EDI's seat. "And? What have you found?"  
  
"I have discovered one planetary body capable of sustaining life. I have input the necessary coordinates. Estimated time of arrival is 12 minutes, 34 seconds."  
  
Jeff let out a long whistle. "What are the odds? I was on the fence about the existence of God before, but I'm about to break out in an Hallelujah chorus."  
  
EDI interrupted his celebration. "Landing will be difficult. Entering the atmosphere will cause the latest breaches to widen. All crew members need to brace for impact and a temporary loss of pressure."  
  
Impact equals my bones shattering like glass, thought Joker. While he was prepared to die moments earlier, he didn't relish the thought of living through a full body cast. Well, there was nothing for it. "All right, let's do this."  
  
Kaidan turned on the comm and spoke as calmly as he could manage. "Everyone, we've found a place to land. It's about 10 minutes away, but entry will be rough. Prepare yourselves for loss of pressure. Put on space suits and helmets if you can. We'll get through this, just keep those barriers up!"  
  
As Kaidan and Joker tried hastily to fasten helmets in place as the Normandy shuddered under their feet, a pale blue planet appeared in front of them. Growing larger in their field of vision, EDI's even-tempered tone filled the Normandy. "To all personnel, prepare for atmospheric entry and loss of pressure."  
  
Kaidan turned to leave when Joker called after him. "Where the hell are you going?"  
  
"I've got to help hold up those barriers!" Before Joker could argue, he was gone.  
  
The Normandy ripped through the atmosphere, sheet metal groaning under the strain. The control board turned hot as Joker tried desperately to maneuver.  
  
"EDI, turn off those damn alarms! I know we've lost pressure damn it!"  
  
Finally, the massive ship broke through the lower atmosphere as sunlight streamed through the helm. Joker was staring at mountain ranges, forests, lakes…  
  
"To all personnel, brace for impact in 10…9…8..."  
  
Brace for impact. Brace for impact. Brace for impact. That was the one of the only thoughts Joker could manage. That and the chant to his bones: please don't break please don't break please don't break…

* * *

The landing had actually gone better than expected. After crashing through trees and coming to a screeching halt in what appeared to be a lush forest with a clear lake ahead of them, Kaidan checked his crew. There were minor injuries, but nothing Dr. Chakwas couldn't fix. Even Joker in his fragility was unscathed. He didn't have time to stop and think how that was even possible. After being certain everyone was unharmed, he was eager to step outside and see the terrain for himself. Assured by EDI that the air was breathable by all species on board, Garrus and Vega met him by the front airlock door. With the push of a nearby emergency control button, the door slid open and sunlight flooded in. After a quick nod to his two crewmates, he stepped out of the Normandy and onto the green grass of the unknown.  
  
It was beautiful, a utopia if there ever was one. Two moons hung overhead in a blue sky, what sounded like the chirping of birds filled his ears, and his nostrils brought in the smell of clean air and fresh vegetation. Walking to the edge of the lake in front of them, he tentatively dipped a hand into the clear water. It was refreshingly cold to the touch. As his eyes followed the ripples spreading over the crystal surface, he could see what appeared to be fish swimming in the shallows. His gaze was drawn upward to grand mountain peaks capped with snow. His crew had joined him now, some of them splashing each other playfully, some of them on their knees thanking God.  
  
We did it. We're alive. He wanted to smile, to thank the Lord along with them they survived, but all he could think about was her. This would all be perfect, if only she were with him. Without her, not even the most beautiful scenery had meaning. The most vivid surroundings had no color. The sweetest fruit had no taste. A familiar feeling of emptiness filled his soul. He stood, looking across the lake, and silently mourned her.

* * *

"The tub is full for you. Towels are on the dresser along with a change of clothes. Consider this your quarters for the time being." Wynne turned and walked briskly through the heavy wooden door, pulling it shut behind her.  
  
My armor never felt so heavy, even after removing all of the mods before the final push to the Citadel. It seemed like it was infused to my skin. I had forgotten to ask how long I had been unconscious before finally awakening completely healed, but it didn't seem like I was out long enough. I could sleep for ages.  
  
Sitting down in a chair beside the copper tub, I began to release the clasps on my boots. I pulled them off with a grunt and let them fall to the floor. Piece by piece, I liberated myself from my charred shell until I was completed naked. Except for one thing. Around my neck beside my dog tags was a continuous silver band.

* * *

_"Commander, we're ready for you in the loading bay."_  
  
_"Roger that, Joker. I'm on my way."_  
  
_"Oh and Shepard…congratulations."_  
  
_Smiling, I replied, "Thanks, Joker. News travels fast I see."_  
  
_I took a cursory glance around my quarters. Even though this might be the last time I'd be standing in them, I couldn't bring myself to mourn it. I slipped on my mods, checked my clasps, and grabbed my gloves. I took two steps toward the door and stopped myself. Holding my left hand out in front of me, I gazed at the ring on my finger Kaidan had given me the night before._  
  
_It's a bad idea to wear rings on the field. Your fingers swell up, your hands get sweaty inside the gloves, and it can cut off circulation. And I couldn't afford to have anything distract me. Taking a deep breath, I took off the chain around my neck, slipped the band off my finger, and let it slide down the chain, making a soft clink against my dog tags. I exited my quarters, hearing the doors slide shut behind me._  
  
_The moment I stepped onto the loading bay, Kaidan was there. He straightened up from a lean against the corridor and joined me in lock-step toward the shuttle we were taking down to the surface. It was the last time I'd see him grin at me like that._

* * *

I forced myself back to reality, however strange it may be. Fighting back the tightening in my chest, I took a deep breath. Was Kaidan even alive? Did the Normandy survive after I used the Catalyst? Did anyone, for that matter? I had no idea. If Kaidan did survive, it suddenly hit me that he probably thought that I hadn't. That realization was almost too painful to bear. But we both knew the risks going into the mission. When he had told me good-bye...  
  
I needed to know what happened to my crew. To Kaidan. Thinking that they were dead was a possibility I couldn't face. Not yet. I had to believe they were out there, somewhere. I had to assume they were alive. At least, until it was proven otherwise.  
  
Carefully, I lowered myself into the hot water and let out a sigh. For what could have been just a few minutes or an hour, I washed away the dirt, the worry, the knots, the aches. I knew deep down that eventually, I would have to deal with the thorn of sorrow, grief, and loss I kept pushed just below the surface. But not now, not yet. Stay focused.  
  
After scrubbing my skin until it was raw and washing my hair with what must have been pure lye, I looked at the now cold water I was sitting in. Dark, grey, ashen. Like the color of the soot-soaked air back on Earth. I lifted myself up and out of the tub onto the cool stone, leaving a dripping trail behind me as I grabbed the towel draped over the wooden dresser nearby. Underneath it was what appeared to be some sort of potato sack with holes in it. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"My change of clothes, I take it." Wrapping the towel around myself, I turned back to my armor. "I don't think so."  
  
I picked up the first piece and was about to plunge it into the already murky water, but I couldn't do it. That filth, the dried blood, the ash…it was Earth. Every molecule, every atom. I swallowed hard and without another thought began to strap all of it back on. I turned to face the mirror in the corner. My skin was clean, but my armor, with its pits, cracks, and dirt, showed all of the ragged signs of battle. The people of this world need to know who they're dealing with: Commander Shepard of Earth.  
  
I stepped out into the hallway and was startled to see Alistair leaning against the door frame. He seemed lost in thought, but immediately straightened when he saw me. I felt a deep pang in my chest. That motion reminded me so much of Kaidan.  
  
I stood with my hands on my hips and waited for him to speak. He crossed his arms and did the same. I cocked my head to the left, he cocked his to the right. I raised an eyebrow, he followed suit. Against my will, I let out a chuckle. He grinned.  
  
His eyes flitted over my form. "Change of clothes not to your liking, I take it?" he asked.  
  
"You mean the burlap bag? Not my style."  
  
"I didn't think so, either." He bent over and grabbed something in the shadows of the corner. "If we got off on the wrong foot, I'm sorry. Since you're not from around here, consider this your welcome present." Turning around, he handed me a large parcel wrapped in brown paper and tied with thin rope.  
  
"Should I open it now or wait until after the party? I asked.  
  
His face relaxed into a smile. "Oh do open it now. I want to see the look of pure elation on your face."  
  
Walking back into my quarters, I dropped the package on the bed and pulled the strings. Unwrapping the paper revealed dark brown leather, freshly oiled. Body armor, gauntlets, greaves, and boots. It was perfect.  
  
"Alistair, I don't know what to say. Thank you."  
  
"No need. It's standard issue for female archers." A melancholy look passed across his features. "Desperate times, when women have to fight beside our men."  
  
"I see. Then I'll expect my bow and arrow shortly," I joked.  
  
He didn't laugh this time. "Change quickly. There are certain people that would speak with you. I'll wait outside."  
  
I turned to watch him leave. "Am I your prisoner?"  
  
As Alistair walked out of the room and turned to shut the door behind him, he looked back at me, replying softly, "We don't know what you are yet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for your encouraging comments, and your thoughts! I'd love to know what you think so far. The idea of intertwining these two worlds was just too tempting to pass up.


	4. Ambushed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew has their first encounter with the natives, Shepard reveals who is really is, and another lost soul is found.

Garrus slapped Joker on the back. "I don't know what favor you just pulled in, but you saved our asses."  
  
Joker winced and gave Garrus a good-natured glare. "I didn't survive losing cabin pressure and careening headlong through the Amazon rainforest just to have you break one of my ribs."  
  
EDI interjected. "I recommend you have a more thorough examination by Dr. Chakwas before determining your health status. I am…worried…about you."  
  
Vega laughed behind them. The idea of an artificial intelligence being concerned about anything amused him. "Sometimes I think you made up that whole hollow bone story to get chicks to feel sorry for you. Don't fall for it, EDI."  
  
Joker rolled his eyes. "If I wanted chicks to feel sorry for me, I'd tell them I'm related to you."  
  
Vega broke into a grin. "If you hadn't just prevented me from being vented into space, I'd kick your ass."  
  
Scanning their surroundings, Garrus crossed his arms warily. "I've heard of miracles, but just barely making the jump in time to be hurtled through space by an exploding mass relay and stumble upon this planet, which is not only suitable for life but bears an eerie resemblance to earth…it all seems a bit too miraculous for me." He hesitated for a moment, then turned to EDI. "EDI, what was the probability of our entire crew surviving the mass relay explosion coupled with finding a habitable planet?"  
  
Without a pause, she answered, "0.000000000000000000…."  
  
Joker threw his hands in the air. "Okay. We get it."  
  
EDI continued. "It is, as you would call it, a statistical impossibility. Is that not the definition of a miracle?"  
  
"She's got a point," Vega countered.  
  
"I'm not convinced," Garrus replied. "I'm going to see what Alenko thinks of all this. Where is he?"  
  
Vega pointed toward the Normandy. Kaidan was seated on the ground, his arms resting on his knees. "Good luck. I'm pretty sure he has other things on his mind."  
  
"We all have her on our minds."  
  
Vega snorted. "Not like he does. Just don't be an ass."  
  
"Says the Normandy's shining example," Garrus retorted. He turned and began to walk toward Kaidan. That's when he caught something out of the corner of his eye. He immediately picked up the pace.  
___  
  
Is it possible she survived somehow? Kaidan couldn't shake the hope she was alive. After all, weren't they? Deep down he knew it was a ridiculous defense mechanism, to believe she made it back to Earth and was holding out the same hope for him. But for now, he'd let himself believe it.  
  
"Did you see that?"  
  
Kaidan was deep in thought when he was startled back to reality. He hadn't seen Garrus walk over to him, and his words were far from comforting. Turians always did have a knack for hearing or seeing what others would never detect. It made them nearly invisible themselves despite their large stature and as a result, extremely deadly in combat situations.  
  
"What is it, Garrus?" Kaidan straightened and peered into the dense foliage. All he could see were leaves blowing in the wind. He had learned over the years to trust Garrus' instincts, however. The Turian was rarely mistaken.  
  
Garrus cursed under his breath. "We didn't have time to secure the area before every species on that ship with a pulse wanted to take a damn swim."  
  
"Can you blame them? When was the last time you felt like you could relax your guard? We've been fighting a war we'd never thought we'd win, let alone survive. Everyone's delirious with relief."  
  
Garrus shook his head and sighed. "Maybe it was nothing. We need to take a look around, anyway. I doubt we're alone on this planet, and I don't want a surprise party."  
  
Kaidan continued to examine the trees cautiously. "If you saw something, you saw something. Let's get a group of men together and scout the vicinity. We definitely don't want any…"  
  
Before Kaidan could finish his sentence, he looked down to see an arrow protruding from the ground directly in front of his feet. Garrus saw it too, and immediately began to run toward the crew on the near bank. "Everyone back to the ship! Now, now, now!"  
  
It took Kaidan a split second to process what had happened. One, they undeniably weren't alone. Two, that was a warning shot. Three, who the hell uses a bow and arrow?  
  
It all seemed like slow motion. He was a commanding officer; he couldn't run for safety and abandon his crew. He knew that Garrus was having the same thought. Kaidan sprinted toward those remaining on the furthest side of the lake. Confusion was on every face, but after a hail of additional arrows, alarm spread. While every shaft seemed to intentionally miss its mark, a crew member panicked and began blindly shooting his pistol into the forest. Kaidan was yelling to cease fire, but it was too late. An arrow pinned the crewman to the ground. Suddenly, men covered in green leaves and brown twigs crashed out of the trees with lances, shouting in a language he couldn't understand. Kaidan turned to see Garrus herding everyone left on the ground into the Normandy and in the chaos, he found himself standing between his crewmates and the oncoming wave of attackers. The gap was closing fast, and the crew needed more time to make it back to the ship. He did the only thing he could. Be a distraction. Taking his side arm, he fired a shot into the air and ran toward the threat. "Hey! I'm in charge! I'm who you want!"  
  
Realizing Kaidan's plan, Garrus began rushing toward him. "The hell you're in charge, Alenko! Get your ass on this ship, now!"  
  
Kaidan turned and shouted back. "No time! Garrus, stop! Go back, damn you!"  
  
"I don't have to take your orders!" Garrus yelled. "I already told you, you're not in charge!"  
  
Kaidan's plan seemed to be working. Soon, both he and Garrus were completely surrounded, the tips of primitive yet sharp weapons all trained directly on them. They were completely cut off from the rest of the ship, but every crewmember had made it back alive save for one. Looking at their situation and then at each other, Kaidan and Garrus raised their hands in surrender.

* * *

As Alistair shut the door behind him, he turned to see Wynne and Duncan walking swiftly down the corridor. They stopped short, motioning Alistair to come away and step closer toward them.  
  
"Did you deliver the package to her as we asked?"  
  
Alistair shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Yes, but I'll say it again. I don't like it. I have a bad feeling about this. These kinds of things have a way of coming back and biting you in the backside."  
  
Wynne put her hand on Alistair's arm supportively. "It's merely a precaution. I'm sure it will never come to use, and if it does, it will mean we were right all along."  
  
He relaxed his posture. "I trust you, Wynne. But promise me you won't use it unnecessarily."  
  
"You have our word, Alistair. If you really do trust me, then you know we're doing what's right." Wynne's voice dropped to a whisper. "When I healed her, there was something wrong. Something…unnatural about her. I don't know any other way to explain it. But she somehow doesn't belong to this world, and because of that, she could be a danger to us all."

* * *

_Change quickly…_ obviously he didn't see I was already dressed exactly how I wished to be. I examined every piece of leather armor meticulously. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. My mind wandered back to Alistair. The thoughtfulness of the gesture admittedly softened my guard. There was something…genuine…about him. While being a quick judge of character had hurt me before and could even be considered my biggest flaw, I could tell he was a good man. But I had to face him, and everyone, just the way I was.  
  
I felt that every moment I stayed in this place was another moment further away from my crew. While a small yet growing part of me told me it was a fool's errand, the hope of seeing them again was the only thing keeping me upright. I have to unravel how I got here, go back to where I was found. If I somehow arrived on this world from the Citadel, there has to be a way back. Plain and simple. A mass relay, a wormhole, a damned Reaper's belly, something. And I'm not going to stop until I find it. After all, this was simply one of hundreds of human colonies scattered throughout the galaxy. I hadn't seen any other races since I arrived. And while their technology was disturbingly absent, they had to have some way of contacting Earth. Maybe they're even confused, wondering what happened, why communication had been cut off. These self-assurances kept my deep seated doubts at bay, at least for the present time.  
  
With new determination, I crossed the room in long strides and pulled open the heavy wooden door more swiftly than I had anticipated. Looking down the hallway, I saw three very startled individuals. Alistair looked like I had caught him stealing pies from a windowsill, and Wynne carried a stern look directed toward him. I didn't recognize the third gentleman, but that was about to change. He walked toward me with a curt smile, and I mirrored his gesture.  
  
"Shepard, I presume? Allow me to introduce myself. I am Duncan of the Grey Wardens. Alistair and Wynne you already know." He bowed slightly at the waist. "Was the armor Alistair provided unsuitable for you?"  
  
I bowed slightly in return. "Thank you for the armor, but I prefer my own for the time being. It will help answer some of the questions I'm sure you have about what has happened, and I have plenty of questions of my own."  
  
He nodded. "I see. Follow us, please." As he proceeded down the hallway with Wynne beside him, Alistair fell into step with me.  
  
"You should know that I owe Duncan my life. Everything I have is because of him. I suppose you could say he's my mentor."  
  
I nodded in understanding. Slowing my pace, I asked, "What were the three of you talking about?"  
  
Alistair sighed deeply and kept walking. "Isn't it obvious? You're a stranger here. You're a puzzle, and we don't have any pieces that fit you. We're all a bit concerned about that, which is why I'm hoping this meeting we're about to have will deliver some of those pieces to us."  
  
Haven't they seen humans from other colonies before? This doesn't make sense. "Alright. I understand." His answer was a cop-out, but I hadn't yet built enough trust between us to get anything more, and I knew it.  
  
We soon approached a large room with dizzyingly high ceilings crossed by large wooden beams. Pink and orange streamed through slits in the dark grey stone as day turned to dusk. Several flickering wall sconces and a roaring fireplace provided the only other light, which gave the room a feeling of closeness despite its enormity. A square wooden table with food and drink sat in the center with long bench seats on each side. On one sat a man dressed in armor similar to Alistair's; on another was an older gentleman dressed in heavy brown and green robes with gold patterned accents. Duncan took a seat for himself, while Wynne sat next to the robed man. I stood still, unsure what to do. My adrenaline spiked at the sudden feeling of Alistair's hand on my lower back as he leaned toward me and whispered, "Sit across from Wynne, and you can depend on me if you need anything." It was a reassurance I wasn't expecting. As soon as the heat of his hand transferred through my armor and onto my skin, it was gone, and Alistair was taking his place by Duncan's side. I followed his advice and slowly sat down, Wynne and the robed man in front, the armored man to my right, and Duncan and Alistair to my left. This wasn't how I pictured this meeting at all. I had imagined something similar to the council, standing in front of the colony's leaders and drilled about what had happened to Earth, maybe why medical supplies had stopped coming, how I got here. Not a cloak and dagger operation.  
  
Duncan began by pointing to the man on my right. "Shepard, this is Nicolas, a soldier of the King. You may recognize him. He helped Alistair carry you back to Ostegar." He motioned to the man next to Wynne. "And this is Irving, a First Enchanter for the Circle of Magi in Ferelden." King? First Enchanter? What the hell are they talking about? I openly showed my confusion, which seemed to confirm something among those around me, evidenced by their exchanged glances.  
  
"Let me state the obvious by saying I'm not from around here. Your colony's customs are completely different than other human settlements farther from the Traverse. I don't know about 'grey wardens' or 'enchanters' or 'magi'. I don't know about this place you call Ferelden. So pretend I'm from another planet. Now, tell me the name of your colony and what part of the galaxy I'm in."

* * *

Trees soared high in the deep woods, leaves falling gently after being loosened from their branches by the chill wind. Slivers of moonlight streamed through the darkness, hitting the damp earth's dew in sparkling shimmers. In the night walked two shapes: one a woman with raven hair, another a great silver bear. Slung across the beast's back was a man, unconscious. The woman held a chain in her hand that swung in time to her steps. She rubbed her thumb against the cold silver tags as they walked together in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for coming on this journey with me. What do you think so far? I love to hear your feedback!


	5. Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew of the Normandy has a run-in with the Dalish.

Lanaya sighed heavily, her mind distant. Zathrian had needed herbs, and even though it was a menial task normally reserved for a lesser elf in rank, she was eager to get away from the clan. While she was thankful to the Dalish for saving her from a life of slavery, she never felt like one of them. Lanaya cherished these times she could be alone with her thoughts, far from the responsibilities of being Zathrian's First. When she had the chance, she would steal away to a sacred lake tucked behind a dense glade, like an oasis amidst the choking bramble and thick vegetation of the forest. It was a special place, a place even the animals seemed to revere. It was claimed by no clan and open to all who sought refuge. A place of peace.

Stealing a glance over her shoulder, Lanaya squeezed between two bushes onto a secret path. While not forbidden, she knew that she would be rebuked by certain members of the clan who took her retreats for laziness. Quietly, she ran through the trees, feeling the breeze brush against her cheeks. It had been too long since she had…

Voices. She slowed her pace and silently approached the edge of the glade. What she saw caused her eyes to widen. Instinctively, she clasped her hands over her mouth to prevent a cry from escaping her lips. Men, humans, were everywhere. They were coming out of the belly of an enormous silver bird the likes of which she had never seen. Was it alive? It looked as though it had crashed; she could see a wide, long path the vessel had carved through the woodland, coming to a halt at the base of the lake.

She looked closer, squinting her eyes to adjust to the blinding rays of the sun hitting the water's surface. The humans seemed to be joyful, happy. Running toward the lake, laughing and hugging one another. She saw no slaves, no taskmasters, no whips. Lanaya's curiosity was brimming over. While everything about them was completely foreign to her, they seemed harmless. Perhaps she would watch them a little longer. She made herself comfortable on the soft grass, content with observing. One man sat apart from the others, staring into the distance, deep in thought. Another man - she couldn't make out his features from so far away - approached him. She would have loved to hear what they were talking about. Suddenly, the two men jumped, and Lanaya caught something out of the corner of her eye. Arrows were flying from the trees into the humans' camp. Looking for the source, she soon spotted Zathrian across the clearing, his expression unreadable. And he was staring right back at her.

  


* * *

 

Zathrian knew Lanaya better than she knew herself. Choosing her to be the next leader of the Dalish was divisive to the clan, but it revealed where true loyalties lied. If he were able to admit it to himself, he also loved her like a daughter.

That was why he allowed her to steal away to the lake under the pretense of gathering herbs. That she thought this was a secret only endeared her to him all the more. After following her, he would spend as much time as he dared watching her, protecting her from harm. She was gentle by nature, could never hurt another living creature. But he knew something she didn't; untold dangers roamed this part of the land, and if anything took her from him, Zathrian didn't want to discover what he would be willing to sacrifice to save her.

So, this time was no different. Zathrian cut a path to the opposite side of the clearing, up a small embankment where he could overlook the entire glade. That is when he saw them. Humans, swarms of them, swimming in the consecrated water of the lake. He could hardly believe it; they had taken their land from them once, and they dared to come here and take it again. Without a moment's hesitation, he ran back to gather his scouts. Returning with a large band of elves, he quickly accessed the situation. Their clothing was unusual, and he saw no animals in their camp. No swords, spears, or obvious weapons of any kind could be identified. What he presumed to be their ship seemed to have careened through the woods somehow; he had never seen anything like it.

Zathrian saw the man who must be in charge judging by his commanding posture. He was speaking with what appeared to be another man, but he couldn't see his face. He was wearing some kind of helmet in the shape of a…no, could it? He gritted his teeth, now certain he encountered an enemy. It was the face of a dragon.

He pointed to the two men and quickly gave his orders.

"I want them captured alive. Scatter the camp with your arrows, then surround them. No unnecessary deaths. I do not want blood to be spilt on this sacred ground."

  


* * *

  
With hands in the air, spears pointed at their necks, Garrus and Kaidan were getting desperate. Their captors were forming a large circle around them and gradually beginning to close the ring tighter.

"So, Major, tell me again why you didn't use your biotics to throw these pointy-eared devils back into the forest?" Garrus mumbled.

Kaidan rolled his eyes and whispered, "What do you think someone with L2 implants can do, exactly? I can't fling an entire army into the air."

Garrus was losing patience. "Well, do something, or I imagine we're going to be put on spits and roasted before the day's over. Our comms are down, so we can't coordinate anything with the Normandy." He scoffed. "These people don't even have proper weapons. Being captured by them would just be embarrassing."

"Okay then, on my mark. I throw hard right into the middle of them help clear a path, then we charge through the rest and run for it."

"Run for it? That's your plan?"

Kaidan felt a rough pair of hands pulling down on his elbows from behind, trying to bind his wrists. "Time's up, Garrus. Mark!"

A lightning bolt of blue crackled the air as it blew their captors off of their feet. Garrus let out a yell and barreled head-first into the throng. Running through the gaping hole the turian had created, Kaidan threw up a barrier and sprinted toward the trees. As Garrus followed, he looked over his shoulder. The cavalry had finally arrived in the form of EDI, and she was providing a magnificent distraction. Careful to avoid injuring the natives, she was quickly and efficiently grabbing their weapons right from their grasp and breaking them in half with her grip. The way the spears bounced off of her metal alloy body was almost comical, and although she was surrounded, none of them could constrain her.

"Let's keep running and double back to the Normandy! There's no way we're getting through the way we came," Kaidan yelled as he and Garrus continued their sprint.

"Agreed!" Garrus spit out a mouthful of leaves as they were forced to slow to a halt. "If we can cut our way through this damn jungle."

A voice came from behind them. "I can help you."

Kaidan turned quickly, ready to throw another biotic charge, but the small woman before them raised her hands. She was unarmed.

"Wait! I'm not with them! I mean, I'm with them, but I'm not like them. You didn't hurt any of my clan when you had the chance. And you didn't summon any demons. I don't know who you are, but I don't think you're who we should be fighting in this war."

Was she talking about the Reapers? Kaidan and Garrus exchanged concerned glances.

"We crashed here. We mean you no harm. We just need to get back to our ship. Can you find us a path around this open area so we can approach from the other side?" Kaidan asked urgently.

The girl was staring at Garrus, her mouth hanging open. Garrus shifted uneasily. "I don't think she's ever seen a turian before."

"What is a…turian? You have the face of a dragon, but you walk like a man," she said, wonder showing on her face. She looked at Kaidan next. "Are you an apostate?"

"Look, we don't have a lot of time. You're right when you said we're not going to hurt you or your people." Garrus glanced at Kaidan. "We're not exactly from around here."

She thought for a moment, then nodded, her decision made. "Alright, but the scouts will not leave you alone until the Keeper's questions are answered."

Kaidan shook his head. "Your leader wants answers, but so do we. We aren't going to be taken hostage without a fight. And let me warn you, our weapons are much more effective than yours. We don't want to hurt you, but we'll protect our people."

"I believe you. The magic you used was unlike any we've ever seen," she said. "Follow me, then."

As she walked back to the glade along a carefully hidden path, the lake was in view once more. EDI had scattered the primitive weapons around the natives' feet, and she was speaking to what appeared to be their leader. Other crew members had exited the Normandy and were standing at various strategic points, guns at the ready. Their would-be captors appeared to have surrendered. "Wonderful," Garrus said. "This is how we make first contact with a new race. They'll be a part of the Citadel Council in no time, don't you think?"

As soon as she saw them, EDI passed through the group and met them in the middle of the clearing. "Communications have been badly damaged. It will take some time to repair our links. It made it impossible to form a cohesive strategy to rescue you and Garrus. After gauging the crude nature of their weapons, I decided to form an offensive myself. Are you hurt?"

"No, EDI. Thanks." Kaidan pointed to their guide. "This woman may be able to help us. She can speak our language, and she's friendly."

"This race can also speak our language, although they have their own native dialect. This implies a common ancestry, although I don't have enough data to access when the divergence happened. Would you like a report of what I've told them so far?"

Garrus folded his arms across his chest. "Sure, tell me you told them we're from outer space, I'm a dragon, and the Major's magical. Then we have some questions of our own."

  


* * *

  
EDI had done better than Kaidan had hoped. She had given them just enough information to keep them subdued, but not enough to reveal anything meaningful. After commanding his crew to put down their weapons, Zathrian and Major Alenko sat across from each other as the natives built a small fire between them.

Because Zathrian refused to speak in Garrus' presence, EDI stood guard by Kaidan's side as Zathrian grudgingly answered questions first. Kaidan learned of the elves of the Dalish clan whose homeland was taken from them. Some believed they are at war against darkspawn and a Blight on the land, although the Dalish have largely removed themselves from this fight to protect their own. This Blight is led by an archdemon, who takes the form of a huge dragon that can only be slain by those who call themselves the Grey Wardens. Where they can be found, the Dalish do not know. There are other races in this realm, including humans. Kaidan felt a surge of hope; where there is a human colony, there must be some kind of direct communication to Earth.

After a short internal deliberation, Kaidan decided to tell the elves a select version of the truth, and as little of it as possible.

They were from another land in the sky far from here, their ship named the Normandy had brought them, and they had just fought their own war against giant beasts called Reapers. They crashed near this lake, were hopelessly lost, and only desired to find a way back to their home. Garrus was, in fact, not a dragon, but another common race from their land.

"He bears the face of a dragon." Zathrian snapped. "How do I know you haven't made a deal with this demon and are a blood mage?"

"And what is a blood mage exactly?" Kaidan asked.

Zathrian shook his head. "Why do I continue to be surprised at your ignorance? Blood mages use blood to perform their magic. They are often accompanied by demons, making them very dangerous. The only reason I agree to speak with you is that your demon is like one I've never seen before, which intrigues me."

"Is that so," Kaidan said flatly. He would have done anything to have Shepard here with him. She had this incredible ability to bring even the most stubborn races rallying to her side. Unfortunately, he didn't have the same skill or patience. The day had given way to nightfall, and his head was throbbing. As the soldiers surrounding the elves were relieved by the second watch, he looked toward the Normandy longingly. "This has been a very helpful conversation. Thank you. I can't convince you that I'm not a blood mage and Garrus isn't a dragon-faced demon. That's fine. Let's make a truce." Kaidan stood and stretched his legs. "You know that our weapons surpass yours. We could have hurt you if we had wanted. We could have taken the woman captive, but we didn't. I only ask that you do one thing. Tell us the direction of the closest human settlement, and we'll let your people return home."

Zathrian sighed and stood. "We have no kinship with you humans. You are the ones that drove us from of our homeland. If you wish to attack each other, I have no say against it." He pointed into the forest. "Travel west and you will reach a fortress known as Ostegar. You are bound to stumble upon your own kind there."

Kaidan extended his hand. "Thank you for answering my questions. No hard feelings I hope."

Zathrian stared back coldly. "Take your ship, take your men, leave this land and never return. You have contaminated this sacred ground with your presence. That is all the favor I ask." He signaled to his scouts and prepared to leave. "May your 'Maker' have mercy on you."

Moving his outstretched hand to the back of his neck, Kaidan squeezed hard. If Shepard could see me now, he thought. How did she handle all of this diplomatic crap? "Right. If you ever see us again, it'll be too soon. Got it. Glad we didn't kill each other." He turned and headed straight for the Normandy, never looking back.

Garrus met him in the CIC. "So, how'd it go? You look beat."

"EDI can tell you all about it. I need to lay down." Walking toward the elevator, he willed his finger to push the button for Shepard's quarters. Their quarters. After dinner on the Citadel, she had asked if he would bunk with her from them on and to hell with regs, as she had put it. Of course he would. He was in love with her. She was the one bright spot in his life that kept him going.

The doors slid open and he found himself standing at the threshold of their cabin. He blinked. Shepard's clothes were in a pile at the foot of their bed, right where he had thrown them. He vividly remembered taking them off of her the last night they were together. The night he had proposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the crew to get a lesson from the natives!  
> Thank you so much to Saffry, KyuubinoKitsune, meirelle, Shalaidah, and N7xer00 for the KUDOS! I wish I could PM you somehow to thank you personally...I haven't figured out how to do that just yet.


	6. Letting Go

Duncan's voice was strained. "While we seem to speak the same language, your accent and terminology are peculiar. It's as though you've arrived from another world, and a violent one by the look of your armor. As we prepare for our stand against the darkspawn, this is a strange omen indeed."  
  
"Trust me, I'm as confused as you are." I pursed my lips, trying to be patient. This situation was becoming dire. Were they a somehow undiscovered colony on the outer edges of the Traverse? If that were true, contact with Earth could be nearly impossible. I had to learn more, beginning with where I was. Then I could begin to unravel how I came to be here and why.  
  
Duncan continued. "Please understand that we mean you no harm or disrespect, but under the circumstances, we must take every precaution." The one called Irving had been studying me fixedly the moment I entered the room. He straightened himself as he spoke. "We will answer your questions, but first you must answer some of our own. Please tell us who you are, where you hail from, and how you came to be here."  
  
I stared back at Irving, unflinching. These people seem to be well intentioned, but then again, so did the colony on Feros. In a matter-of-fact tone, I replied. "As I said before, my name is Shepard. Before I found myself here, I was at a place called Earth. I'm a Commander in the military known as the Alliance, fighting the climax of a long war against an enemy whose sole purpose was to destroy all living beings. We called them the Reapers. We had discovered a way to defeat them, but it required of me my life." Duncan cast a sideways glance at Alistair that didn't go unnoticed. I continued. "But instead of dying, I woke up here. While I've traveled many places, I've never heard of Ostegar or Ferelden, and I don't know how I got here. But I need to find a way back to Earth, and soon. The lives of many may be depending on it."  
  
After long moments, Irving finally broke his gaze and sat back in his chair. "She is telling the truth, for what that's worth. She does not know this place or how she came to be here."  
  
Duncan nodded. "Thank you for your explanation, although your answers raise many more questions. But first, since you are truly a stranger here, let us explain our situation to you." The fire crackled and hissed, the wood settling as it burned. "I'm afraid you've left one conflict for another. Much like you, we are fighting a war against those that would see the world consumed in darkness. Evil stalks the land, and those of us who sense this evil fear it is only the beginning. Vile creatures known as the darkspawn crawl out of the earth to devour any living thing in their path. An archdemon, manifested in the form of a powerful and terrifying dragon, leads them in a full-scale invasion of the land: a Blight. The archdemon is their leader, and the Blight will not end until the archdemon is destroyed."  
  
My shoulders sagged. I let out a long held breath. "I'm sorry for your situation. Believe me when I say I know how you must be feeling, facing a seemingly insurmountable foe. If I can contact Earth, I may be able to get help. The Alliance has a large fleet…" I stopped in mid sentence. What am I saying? They had a large fleet before the Reaper invasion. Now it's probably a rag-tag band of survivors trying to piece life back together. That is, if the Catalyst was telling the truth. Maybe I played right into their hands and did exactly what needed to be done for the Reapers to win. All that would be left of Earth is a charred shell of a planet. If that were true, then my crew…Kaidan…  
  
Duncan's voice interrupted my disturbing chain of thought. "I'm afraid we haven't heard of Earth. Would it be helpful to fetch a map so you could point the way? Perhaps it's simply a matter of titles. What you call Earth, we may call Tevinter, for instance."  
  
I shook my head. "I'm afraid that Earth is on no map you could show me." If I ever wanted to get in touch with Earth, I had to risk telling them the truth.  
  
"I'll do my best to explain." I paused, considering what to say next. "When you look up into the night sky, what do you see?"  
  
Alistair was the first to answer. "The heavens and the stars, of course."  
  
I nodded. "Right. But what if some of those stars were actually other worlds like yours with other beings living on them?"  
  
Irving chided me. "The Maker created this world and all who live in it. The Chantry teaches us that there are no others."  
  
"I know this is hard to believe, but I come from another place you can't reach by land or sea," I explained. "You were right Duncan. I did come from another world. Another point of light in your sky where we have the ability to travel in large flying ships." As I said the words, they sounded ridiculous even to me. But I pressed on. "Only that's not how I arrived. Your world, as far as I know, is not on any of our star charts. But it's connected to Earth somehow; otherwise I wouldn't be here. Exactly how I came to be here and why, I don't know."  
  
Wynne looked at me with pity in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, you poor girl. I agree with Irving that you believe all you say to be true. But your story is simply…"  
  
"Crazy?" Alistair said as he turned toward me. "Sure, it sounds completely daft. No offense, Shepard. But I for one think we should believe her until we find a reason not to. It's all we have to go on at the moment."  
  
"Perhaps," Duncan stated. "For now, there is no better explanation. There may be more answers where you found her. I'd like you to lead me to that location, Alistair. Commander Shepard, you may join us as well."  
  
I wouldn't have it any other way, I thought silently.  
  
Duncan continued. "I only require that you wear the armor we provided you. We don't want to cause a stir in the camp. They have enough on their minds. Would you do us this courtesy?"  
  
Their world, their rules. To a point. Pick your battles, Shepard. "Yes, I can do that."  
  
He nodded once as he stood. "Fine. Then we leave at daybreak. Wynne, would you lead our guest to her quarters?"

* * *

Alistair watched Shepard go, the feeling of her presence dissipating with each step she took. He could sense her like he could the darkspawn, but where the darkspawn made his hair stand on end and his head begin to throb, her presence spread a velvety warmth through his blood. It was unlike anything he had ever felt. And it was that feeling that lead him to find her beneath the rubble in the Kocari Wilds.  
  
It was also the reason Duncan was extremely wary.  
  
"I feel it too, Alistair. But I warn you, be on your guard until we know more. Why would we be able to sense her unless she were somehow tied to the darkspawn or even the archdemon itself? There is no precedent for Grey Wardens to be able to sense the presence of others unless they were infused with the evil taint of their enemies."  
  
Staring at the doorway that was now empty, Alistair turned toward Duncan. "Logically, I agree. But honestly, the sensation she gives and what the darkspawn elicit couldn't be more different. Just because we've never encountered it before doesn't make it bad. It's like seeing a bunny rabbit for the first time and concluding that because their fur is grey like a wolf's, bunnies must be predatory child eaters."  
  
Irving came to stand directly in front of Alistair, looking him sternly in the eye. "She is no bunny rabbit, of that you can be sure." He squeezed Alistair's shoulders. "I want you to be cautious with that one. She could have more wolf in her than you think."  
  
They're right. Alistair chided himself. Of course they're right. If only the feeling he had when he was near her was like prickly pine needles under his bedroll. And if only she weren't quite so beautiful. That would help a great deal.  
  
"Bring the new recruits with us in the morning," Duncan instructed him. "They can gather the ingredients for the joining. We also have another important task, to retrieve treaties that would remind the races of Ferelden of their promises to the Grey Wardens in times like these." He regarded those remaining in the large hall as the fire began to die to a smoldering glow. "Now go and rest, all of you, while we still can."

* * *

Kaidan stood in the doorway to the cabin for what felt like an eternity. He willed his legs to move, one leaden step at a time, to the foot of their bed. Kneeling, trembling, he reached down and grabbed a fistful of her clothes in his hands, slowly bringing them to his face. Tears began to flow freely, mingling with the fleeting scent she had left behind. Ragged sobs racked his body; he clutched her clothing to him as if he could will her back. They were supposed to die together. Now, once again, he's left behind.  
  
It was foolishness to think she could have survived the blast from the Catalyst. Everyone but him had accepted that. He had to come to terms with it as well. Slowly unbuckling the clasps to his battered armor, he let each piece fall to the floor. Only his dog tags remained, but without the familiar silver band he had carried for so long.  
  
He turned the water to the shower as hot as he could make it, hoping to sear the vision of the Crucible exploding from his memory. All he could picture were the pieces of shrapnel flying outward, one of them likely being her body.  
  
Cerberus wouldn't revive her this time. He didn't have the luxury of counterfeit hope. He had a crew to lead, and he needed to be strong for them now more than ever. The time for grieving was over. His purpose was to find a way to contact the Alliance and get his crew home. Shepard always told him to look ahead, not behind.  
  
Finally clean from the soot and dried blood of his final battle with the Reapers, he collapsed on the bed, shoving the sharp pain of sorrow aside and replacing it with the dull, steady ache he recognized all too well. What only EDI knew was how much the tears still fell as he slept.  
___  
  
_Ash hung in the air. Trees were stripped of their leaves. Echoes filled his ears. He strained to make out the sound, squinting his eyes to see through the dense fog. Was he back in the forest outside the Normandy? Something wasn't right, but he couldn't think clearly. Then he saw him. A small boy, laughing as he played in the dead leaves. And then he saw her._  
  
_Shepard was in full armor, red and black. It reflected a light he couldn't see that created an aura around her that pulsed with each step she took. She was running toward the boy, arm outstretched, but as soon as she would get close, the child would run away. Kaidan began to chase after her, but his legs wouldn't move fast enough. Soon she would be lost to him in the fog. He tried to call her name, but his voice was only a whisper. Nevertheless, she began to turn toward him…_  
___  
  
Startled, Kaidan awoke to see the faint orange light of dawn streaming through the porthole above him. As the memories of the past day flooded back, he sat up slowly, his mind reeling. "EDI, how long have I been asleep?"  
  
"Good morning, Major. You have been asleep for 5 hours, 23 minutes."  
  
The dream…it had seemed so real. She was right there, so close, but he couldn't catch her. He rubbed his eyes to clear the fog from his mind that the dream had left behind. He couldn't sleep any longer. Crawling out of bed, he looked for his pants. "Give me a sitrep."  
  
EDI replied as he quickly put on the familiar pieces of his Alliance uniform, gathered his data pad, and exited the cabin. "The crew is currently at their stations awaiting your instructions. Garrus, James, and Liara are in the comm room formulating a plan."  
  
Apparently they couldn't sleep either. After pushing the button for the elevator five times in rapid succession as if that would make it arrive any faster, he tried to gather himself, running his fingers through his hair to tame it. His uniform was a wrinkled mess, but there were more important things than looking completely presentable, he supposed. She always managed to look perfect, even in the middle of a Cerberus attack. At least, she always looked perfect to him.  
  
The elevator doors finally opened and once inside, he pushed the button for the main deck. "So what's the plan, EDI? What am I walking into?"  
  
"Garrus has proposed scouting for materials that could be used to repair the Normandy. I have provided a list of the objects required. James has suggested hiking to the nearest colony to gather information about our location."  
  
Not bad, Kaidan thought. As the elevator came to a halt once more, he headed straight for the comm room. Crew members snapped to attention as he approached and whispered in hushed tones as he passed. They were restlessly awaiting answers, he knew.  
  
As he entered, he found Garrus and James huddled around a 3D model of their surroundings as far as the Normandy's scanners could reach.  
  
"Couldn't get a good night's sleep either, Alenko?" Vega motioned him over as he pointed to a particular spot. "You see that? That's the fortress that pointy-eared dude was talking about."  
  
"Those pointy-eared dudes are called elves, I learned," Kaidan replied. He leaned in closer, studying the image. "It's about 100 klicks west of here, straight through this forest. No rover is getting through that. Is there anything closer?"  
  
"That's as far as our scanners reach before being limited by either mountain ranges or the curve of the planet's surface," Liara said. "It's our only reliable bet."  
  
Kaidan nodded. "All right, we'll take a team and leave ASAP. EDI reported that there's a plan in place to begin repairs on the Normandy?"  
  
"Our mineral scanners picked up some deposits EDI can synthesize for getting our girl back up and running, but it's going to take a hell of a lot of time," Vega said. "We don't have a proper dock or the right tools to make the repairs. But come hell or high water, we'll get her in the air again."  
  
"We've already been through hell," Garrus stated flatly.  
  
Vega elbowed Garrus in the ribs. "So we can check that off the list."  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure," Liara replied.  
  
"Where's your sense of adventure?" James turned to Kaidan. "So what's it going to be, Alenko? Me and you as Team Fortress, Garrus, Tali, and EDI as Team Calibrate the Engines, and Liara and her little drone pod thing as Team…Figure Out What the Hell is Going On?"  
  
Liara snorted. "That's so creative, James."  
  
All eyes turned to Kaidan, waiting for his command. He put on a smile, determined to lend strength to those that had come so far with him. He owed them that much. "It's a good place to start. Garrus, do me a favor and stay out of sight. The elves seemed convinced you're some kind of evil demon."  
  
Vega laughed. "A face only a mother could love."  
  
"I'll have you know I've had my share of female…interactions," Garrus retorted.  
  
"All right already, jab it out while you get to work. Vega, pack up only what we need. We've got a long walk ahead and I want to travel light."  
  
"Before you go..." Liara hesitated, exchanging glances with the others in the room. "Well, we were hoping to have a small ceremony. To say goodbye to…those we lost."  
  
Silence filled the room. Lowering his gaze, he tried to speak, but all he could manage was a nod. As Garrus and James left to begin their new assignments, Liara came to stand by Kaidan's side. Before he could say a word, she embraced him in a tight hug. "We all miss her. I loved her, too. But no one as much as you. It's okay to feel that, you know."  
  
He wrapped his arms limply around her waist, then pulled away. "I've done enough grieving. She's gone. It's time to lead those who are still alive."  
  
Liara looked at him as though he had struck her. Sorrow filled her as tears began to flow unchecked down her cheeks. He gritted his teeth to keep himself from doing the same. "Most people only have to lose those they love once. I've lost her twice. I gave her my heart and now she's dead. I'll never be whole again. I'm sorry, Liara, but I don't have any words of comfort. You deal with it in your way and let me handle it in mine." Kaidan turned and left, leaving her to mourn alone.

* * *

Those who knew Shepard well gathered in front of the memorial wall. Kaidan held a plaque with her name engraved on it: COMMANDER SHEPARD. All of them had one. It was standard issue before dangerous missions. You just hoped your crew never had to use it. Grasping the cold metal in his hands, he ran his fingers over her name. In his mind, he went back to the first time he had met her so many years ago on the bridge of the Normandy SR-1. She was the most captivating thing he had ever seen. He had a school boy crush on her from that moment on. With everything they had been through since that day, he was most grateful for the last moments they had together. Seeing that ring on her finger filled him with so much joy. That was what he had to cling to.  
  
"Commander Shepard sacrificed everything she had to win this war. She brought the entire galaxy together and because of her, we're still alive. We will always honor and cherish her for that. And somehow, I think she's still with us." He slowly pressed the plaque onto the memorial below Admiral David Anderson. His crew gathered around him in a mass embrace.  
  
"Good bye, Lola. You were the only woman who could beat the hell out of me."  
  
"So long, Shepard. I knew you let me win up there on the Presidium. You're a hell of a shot."  
  
"Shepard, you saved my life at Therum and helped me understand the Protheans. I will miss you always."  
  
"Because of you, the Quarians have a homeland again. You will go down in the history of my people as our savior, Shepard."  
  
As each crew member said their good bye, Kaidan saw for the first time how much her life had truly impacted each one for the better. He was not alone after all. And that was something to hold onto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! Please let me know what you think; I love your comments!


	7. Visions

As Wynne guided me back to my quarters through the dark hallways lit only by the candle she carried, she spoke, her voice piercing the silence.

"May I ask you one last question?"

"Only one?" I responded. "Go ahead."

"As Irving and I were healing you, we noticed something…different…about you. It's as though there are parts of you that aren't completely human." Her stopped and turned toward me. "I welcome your explanation."

My implants, I thought. I imagined it wouldn't go over well to explain how I had already died and been brought back to life by a group of renegade terrorists.

"Ah yes, I can see how that would be troubling. Where I come from, we have technology…ways to replace parts of the human body with mechanisms that aren't organic. We do this mainly to save lives." I tried to think of an analogy. "When a man loses his leg in battle, does he replace it with anything?"

Wynne considered my question. "Yes, I suppose he would replace it with a wooden leg."

"This is the same, although much more advanced than a simple peg leg," I replied. "I have been through many battles, and because of that, I've had many implants. I believe that's what you were sensing."

She thought a moment, then smiled curtly. "I'm sure you are right. Thank you for enlightening me."

I smiled in return. "You're welcome." Finally arriving at my room, I bid her good night without thinking of her question further. The fire was roaring in the fireplace, casting long shadows against the cold stone walls. I took off my armor once again, carefully placing it on the dresser piece by piece. Wrinkling my nose at what I surmised was a nightgown made out of the itchiest of wool, I climbed into bed naked. I made a silent wish that I would somehow be back in touch with Earth before another night passed in this insanely primitive realm.  


* * *

  
_Ash…fog…trees stripped of their leaves. It was a familiar dream. The child…always the child. But now I knew who he was. The Catalyst. The one responsible for all of the suffering. What do you want with me? I did what you asked. I made my choice. Wait…come back…answer me!_

_I ran toward the boy with arms outstretched, my body moving in slow motion. I had to catch him, to make him explain. Ancient ruins suddenly filled my vision. As I willed my legs to move, I heard someone call my name, barely above a whisper._

_"Shepard…Shepard…"_

_I turned toward the voice, squinting through the fog…_   


* * *

  
A knock on the door brought me back once again to harsh reality. I slowly opened my eyes to see the faint beginnings of daybreak coming through the narrow slits in the stone wall.

"Shepard, are you awake in there?" Alistair's voice carried through the heavy oak door. "I brought you breakfast. I don't know what you eat where you come from, but hopefully this'll do."

I set my feet on the cold stone floor. "I'm up, I'm up." Wrapping a nearby blanket around me, I added wood to the embers, stoking the fire back to life.

"Good," Alistair replied. "When you're ready, meet us in the great hall where you were first brought here. Then we'll be off."

"You got it." I heard the sound of his footsteps fade down the cavernous hallway outside of my room. I came to stand in front of the package of leather armor Alistair had given me, examining each piece for how it fit. Fundamentally, it wasn't too different than my Alliance armor. After a few guesses, I supposed I had gotten it right. I looked at myself in the mirror. The leather corset hugged by body like a second skin and the cut exposed more than I was used to. The skirt was definitely a shift. Truth be told, I felt ridiculous, as though I were playing dress up in one of the medieval vids. If only my crew could see me now. I placed my dog tags along with the ring in a small pocket in the corset. My long, black hair fell around my shoulders, still slightly damp from the bath the day before. As per my personal protocol, I wrapped it in a tight bun.

Despite all of the food and drink at last night's discussion, no one ate under the circumstances. I was starving. Breakfast consisted of some kind of greasy meat on a drumstick, dry bread with thick, salty gravy, and ale. I've had worse, I thought, with memories of eating on Tuchanka coming to mind.

Polishing off my meager meal, I took one last glance in the mirror. I wondered if I looked like one of them. Hopefully I'll blend right in. Nothing to see here. With a deep breath, I opened the door and stepped into the hallway.

A guard was standing directly outside of my room, posted at my door to make sure I didn't do anything reckless. I shouldn't have been surprised, but it reminded me of how far I had to go before I earned anyone's trust in this world.

As confidently as I could muster, I proceeded to the great hall, eager to set off for the place I was found.

Upon entering the room, I was promptly introduced to fellow soldiers who apparently also had business in the forest. One in particular was named Theresa, a woman I learned was a Dalish elf. She was recruited by Duncan to the Grey Wardens after losing her brother to the darkspawn. There seemed to be more to the story, but whatever it was, it wasn't shared. As for me…

"This is Shepard. She just came in from Tevinter yesterday, and she'll be joining us to train against the darkspawn," Alistair explained. A likely story, I hoped.

"Have you ever fought darkspawn before, lass?" one of the soldiers asked me with a thick Irish-like accent.

"I've fought my share of monsters," I replied.

He laughed. "Nothing like this, I guarantee. The darkspawn'll chill your blood, they will. This isn't a straw dummy you're pinning with arrows, you know."

I raised an eyebrow, my tone revealing my sarcasm. "Oh really? Well, I'm so glad you're joining us. You can carry me back when I faint."

Alistair chuckled behind me. "Careful, Daveth. I have a feeling Shepard will be the one saving your hindquarters." Handing me a bow and a quiver of arrows, he leaned over and whispered into my ear. "I do hope you know how to use these."

I slung the them over my shoulder. "I'm a fast learner." How hard could it be?

"You look…amazing…by the way," he added with a grin. "That armor suits you."

"Uh…thanks. I think." I turned away to hide my face, now bright red. "When do we start?"  


* * *

  
We entered the Korcari Wilds cautiously, weapons drawn and ready.

Alistair directed our path. "Let us first go to where Shepard was…you know, that place you wanted to see. Right, Shepard?" I rolled my eyes. Way to blow my cover, I thought. The other soldiers were already suspicious of me thanks to my very foreign dialect. So much for blending in.

"What did you say you do in Tevinter?" one of them asked.

"I didn't," I snapped. My impatience was starting to show. The sooner we get to the location I was found, the better. "Can we pick up the pace?"

Suddenly, a pack of horrific creatures appeared over the ridge directly in front of us. They spotted us immediately, swiftly closing in on our position. My instincts made me reach for my rifle, and I cursed under my breath when my hand closed around thin air. Time to try this archaic bow and arrow nonsense.

Alistair and the others were charging the pack head on, making it nearly impossible to have a clear shot. The arrow teetered precariously against the wood of the bow in my grip, making it immediately obvious that this was, in fact, harder than it looked. Theresa, meanwhile, was skillfully firing shaft after shaft in rapid succession, each hitting its exact target. Taking quick assessment of the situation, I threw my quiver next to her and ran toward the darkspawn barehanded.

One was down, its blood gushing out of a mortal wound. I tried not to gag from the stench as I picked up its curved sword. Sticky with darkspawn blood, I gripped the blade in both hands and circled around the remaining three goblins. Kick, thrust, parry, dodge, stab, dodge again. I grabbed the last around the neck and twisted, feeling a satisfying crack. It fell lifeless to the ground.

Duncan, Alistair, and the others sheathed their weapons as they gathered around me, astonishment clearly showing on their blood-spattered faces. "Maker's breath, you fight like a bloody archdemon," Alistair exclaimed.

I stole a scabbard from the nearest hemlock. "Like I said, I have prior experience. Lead the way."

Soon, we crested a rise that revealed old ruins of a once magnificent temple. The temple from my dream. But how could that be? Alistair came away from the rest of the group to stand near me, his hand grasping my elbow as I felt his lips brush against my ear. "This is where I found you. Follow me," he whispered.

While Duncan and the other soldiers seemed to be searching for something else in the ruins, Alistair led me to a broken stone wall with crumbling pillars. I knelt down, digging in the rubble for any clue as to why I ended up in this of all places. Then I saw it. Hidden within one of the broken pillars was something that I recognized all too well: the remains of a Prothean beacon.

My heart raced as I reached out to touch the dark slate. As my hand made contact, the beacon began to glow an eerie bluish-green…

Swarms…screaming…men…women…twisted and deformed…blackness…living zombies…darkspawn… blood pumping into the form of a new Reaper…a huge dragon…terrifying…eyes glowing…nightmarish shrieking…crushing pain…fire…death…so much death…

In the midst of the terrible pain that shot through my body as the vision engulfed my senses, one thing became shockingly clear. The archdemon was all too real, and it was not just a dragon.

It was a Reaper.

* * *

 

"Why must I do this, Mother?"

  
"Because, Morrigan, this is for you to see. It is your fate tangled up in his, not mine."  
  
While traversing the forest as a great bear, Flemeth had found the man the previous night, tangled in tree roots buried beneath the weeds. He was near death, and while she had no issues leaving Templars to die, this one was different. Dressed in body armor she had never seen, he had a curious wound that went straight through his gut with burned flesh around the edges. But that's not what truly intrigued her. All living creatures emanate a life force; it tells the story of their past and the paths they have yet to walk. Through her magic, she could read a man like a book. But his seemed to be in another language. There was only one way to decipher it – to enter the Fade and witness his dreams.  
  
To enter the Fade was a nuisance for Flemeth; she had tortured too many souls who laid in wait for her. It was better to send her daughter; she could see through Morrigan's eyes without entering the Fade herself. This and many other ways were how she used her daughter for her own ends.  
  
Healing him had been easy enough; as long as they were not inflicted with a curse, her magic could save anyone on the threshold of death. But she chose not to wake him. And thus had he been since she brought him back to her hut.  
  
"Are you ready, my daughter?"  
  
The flicker of the firelight cast strange shadows on the walls. Lying on the floor, arms crossed over his chest, the man slept. His slumber was not restful however. Deep lines cut through his face in a grimace. Whatever he was experiencing, it was not pleasant.  
  
Sitting beside the man, Morrigan nodded reluctantly. "I cannot refuse you, Mother. You might turn me into a worm and step on me. But then who would cook your dinners?"  
  
"Enough, girl," Flemeth snapped. "The time has come. Close your eyes and begin the chant with me…"

* * *

  
Morrigan couldn't stay in the Fade for long. Soon, demons would sense her presence as a mage and covet her power. Staying in the shadows, she observed the scene unfolding before her. She was in a large dome, the walls sparkling like stars. A metal platform led to a raised pedestal in its center. This is where the man stood, slumped over an object she didn't recognize. Pictures flashed in the air in front of him, circles and lines, waves and words.  
  
"I have to…stop them! Please…we've come…too far…" Clutching his head in agony, his body shook as though he were fighting an internal battle he knew he couldn't win.  
  
"Anderson!" Morrigan turned to see a woman half limping, half running to the man's side.  
  
He turned, dragging his body toward her. "Shepard…I can't…"  
  
"I underestimated you, Shepard." Another man, his face scared and monstrous with eyes glowing an eerie blue, entered the room. "I warned you. Control is the means to survival. Control of the Reapers…and of you, if necessary."  
  
"They're controlling you!" Anderson growled through clenched teeth. "Not this time…not again…I won't let it happen again!" Crying out in rage, he took his weapon and, pointing it at the man's head and pulling a trigger, hit him with an unseen force so strong that he dropped to the floor in a crumpled heap. Dead.  
  
 _What powerful weapon is this?_ Morrigan wondered to herself.  
  
"Shepard, help me activate the Crucible. Save the galaxy. End the war."  
  
As Shepard and Anderson worked the controls of the platform, the dome began to open. What Morrigan saw almost stopped her heart in her chest. It was as though she were looking down from the heavens to a world below – a world that was on fire. She had never seen anything more terrifying. Huge, black creatures shot beams of red lightening from their jaws and ships caught in the inferno exploded violently, their vestiges flying in every direction. This wasn't a war; this was an extermination.  
  
Demons. She could sense them drawing closer. She had seen enough. Closing her eyes, she reached out to cling to her mother's voice still reciting the chant. Slowly, as though swimming up from deep waters to the surface of her consciousness, she awoke.  
  
Morrigan had never seen her mother startled. Flemeth was always in control, intertwining fates to her favor. But this was different. This was something outside of her influence, and for the first time in centuries, she was terrified.  
  
Suddenly, a bright bolt of blue shot up from deep in the Wilds toward the sky. Flemeth and Morrigan both rushed to the front of the hut to see what this might be.  
  
"So, she lives," Flemeth whispered.  
  
Morrigan looked toward the beam with alarm. "Who, mother?"  
  
"Perhaps the only one who could save us all." Quickly shifting into the form of a black bird, Flemeth took flight toward the beacon and left Morrigan alone with Admiral Anderson.

* * *

  
As soon as Shepard began to reach for the strange, blackish stone, Alistair tried to stop her. But it was too late. An alien light began to pulse from the stone, then shot above him with a terrible brightness that blinded him. Shepard went rigid, her eyes suddenly black as night. She began to convulse and her face contorted in terrible pain. Out of instinct, he grabbed her and held her close, willing the convulsions to cease.  
  
Try as he might, Alistair couldn't break her free from her trance. "Duncan! Duncan, come quickly!"  
  
Duncan and the recruits were already scrambling toward him as fast as they could. "Alistair, come away! Now!"  
  
He held Shepard tighter, one arm around her waist with another supporting her neck. "No! I can't leave her! I didn't find her just to abandon…"  
  
As abruptly as it began, the beam dissipated and Shepard went limp. Alistair cradled her form as he stood. "She's hurt. We need to return to Ostegar immediately."  
  
Turning toward the new recruits, Duncan regarded them grimly. "Speak to no one of what you saw here, understood?" They all nodded in dumbfounded agreement. "As I feared, the treaties are no longer here. You all have what is required for the joining, which must be done immediately."  
  
Theresa scanned the perimeter closely. "For what it's worth, it looks as though that beam scared off the rest of the darkspawn. We shouldn't have any trouble getting back."  
  
Duncan nodded. "Then let us go, swiftly."  
  
As they set back for Ostegar, a lone black bird perched on the branches above observed them intently.

* * *

  
Vega adjusted the straps of the heavy pack, trying to distribute the weight. "This hiking for a week with a fifty pound pack thing is for the birds. Or actually, I'm casting my lot in with the birds – why can't we just take a shuttle and swoop our way into Ostegar?"  
  
Kaidan checked his rifle before holstering it, squinting into the forest just outside the Normandy. Tensions were running high and his patience wearing thin. "Swooping is bad. Besides, the Kodiak was damaged during the mission to London. I'm sure you remember that." He cringed, immediately regretting his words.  
  
"Of that you don't need to remind me, Alenko," Vega snapped. Cortez had been lost during that operation. He didn't even make it to the damn drop site before being shot down by a Reaper. "We all lost people, not just you. Don't let yours be an excuse to shit all over everyone else. I thought we had another shuttle in the cargo bay."  
  
Rubbing his temples, Kaidan squeezed his eyes shut to block out the pain of an oncoming migraine. "If we do, I don't know about it. I'm sorry, Vega, but we need to get moving. The sooner we head out, the sooner we…"  
  
Suddenly, a bright blue beam of light shot pierced through the sky in the far distance. Concerned, Vega peered through his binoculars for a closer look. Handing them to Kaidan, he squinted into the distance. "First of all, what the hell is that? Second of all, isn't that the direction we're going?"  
  
Kaidan looked through the binoculars, his eyes growing wide as realization dawned on him. "There's only one other place I've seen anything like that, and that was Eden Prime. It was a Prothean beacon that Shepard accidentally activated. Damn thing almost killed her." Kaidan picked up the remainder of his gear and jumped from the Normandy onto the soft grass. "Time to move. Double time."  
  
Vega sighed and shifted his pack once again. "Double time. Wonderful." He trotted after Kaidan into the dense forest toward the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several realizations on all fronts. I hope you like where this is going... :)
> 
> Thank you so, so much for the kudos from Annierox213, bondlikejames96, and several guests, and for the comments from Annierox213 and SignoraTed! I'm so grateful to you!


	8. Tempted

Alistair carried Shepard in his arms as they swiftly made their way back to Ostegar. After laying her still form onto the bed in which she had slept the previous night, he and Duncan headed straight to Irving and Wynne, telling them as best they could what had happened.  
  
Wynne's expression was stern. "Why didn't you utilize the immobilization rune we place over the armor she was wearing, Alistair? This is precisely the kind of thing we wanted to avoid."  
  
He tried his best to explain. "There was no time to react and when I realized what was happening, it was already too late. Please tell me she's going to be alright," he pleaded. "What can I do? Fetch you some magic potions? Gather some eye of newt or…something?"  
  
Wynne placed a hand on Alistair's shoulder. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. This was not your doing. I'm sure you did your best."  
  
As Irving studied Shepard's condition, Duncan pulled Alistair aside. "I know you are concerned for her well-being, but we must proceed with the joining. She is in good hands."  
  
Working swiftly with staff in hand, Irving agreed. "You would only be in the way. Leave us to our work, both of you."  
  
"I know, I know. You're right." With a pit in his stomach, Alistair reluctantly followed Duncan away from Shepard to meet with the new recruits.  
  
After the door closed behind them, Irving turned to Wynne. "Whatever she encountered, it's attacking her mind, overwhelming her physical body in response."  
  
Wynne placed her hand on Shepard's forehead. Along with Alistair, she was gravely concerned for the woman. "We need to bring down her fever. Administer elfroot."  
  
Irving shook his head. "Already done with no effect. This is much more powerful magic than we can overcome alone. We need more mages."  
  
Placing a poultice on Shepard's chest, Wynne used her staff to add to its healing powers. "And have even more people asking questions when they should be focusing on training for the upcoming battle? I don't think that's wise."  
  
"I think the bright blue beam of light that shot out of the Wilds for all of the Free Marches to see already has people asking questions," Irving replied.  
  
Considering the circumstances, Wynne agreed that there was no other choice. "So be it. I will seek out the other mages of the Circle. Shepard is strong, but we must destroy the root of her affliction if she is to survive."

* * *

This was Alistair's first joining as a Grey Warden, and the results were disappointing. Only the Dalish elf Theresa survived. Fortunately, she seemed capable and already well-trained as an archer. She would prove to be a valuable asset in the fight.  
  
Alistair checked on Shepard's condition as his first task in the morning and his last at night. By the third day, Wynne would simply shake her head. While they could sustain her physical body through healing magic, there was nothing more that could be done. Whatever demons she faced, she would have to overcome them on her own. He would sit by her side, counting her breaths, praying to the Maker that this would be the moment she would awaken. But every evening, he would leave with his prayers unanswered.  
  
Despite Duncan's attempts to keep Shepard's identity secret, the entire camp was soon buzzing with rumors of who this mysterious woman found in the Wilds might be. Some were claiming she was a demon, some Andraste herself. Immediately after Shepard had activated the beam of light, the darkspawn retreated back to the south. In the days that followed, it seemed that the creatures had all but disappeared. Many heralded it as the end of the darkspawn threat, but the Grey Wardens knew better. At daybreak of the fourth day, scouts returned from the south with news. The main arm of the horde had amassed together and was swiftly marching this way. The true battle would soon be upon them, and with only one to add to the Warden's ranks and Redcliff's troops still days away.  
  
Although he was exhausted, Alistair found himself tossing and turning in his cot in the barracks, his sleep far from restful. Vivid nightmares of the archdemon filled his mind. The dragon was whipped into a frenzy, calling all darkspawn to gather together and seek out the woman who had triggered the strange beacon. For some reason, Shepard had become its new target.

* * *

I awoke on the couch in Admiral Anderson's apartment. He was kind enough to let me use it for some down time during the war. The fire was burning bright in the fireplace, the familiar hum of Citadel life filling my ears. And what was that wonderful smell?  
  
I stretched and let out a big yawn. How long had I been asleep? It had seemed like ages.  
  
"Shepard, I thought you'd sleep all day. I guess last night's party was a little too rowdy." I turned to see Kaidan in the kitchen making his signature grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, beer in hand.  
  
"Party? Oh right, the party…" I vaguely remembered something like that. Zaeed booby-trapping my hot tub came to mind. Note to self: check before taking a bath.  
  
Flipping the sandwiches onto a plate, he grabbed another beer and sat beside me on the couch. I reached for the drink only to have Kaidan slap my hand away. "Ah ah ah, not for you, darling. You had a few too many last night. I made you a cup of coffee. Two creams and a sugar, just how you like it."  
  
"How thoughtful of you." Reaching for the steaming cup in front of me, I took a long sip and used it to warm my hands. I leaned against Kaidan's shoulder, curling my legs against his lap. "You won't believe the crazy dream I had."  
  
He laid a kiss on my temple before attacking the sandwich. "Oh? Tell me about it."  
  
"I was on this planet with dragons and magic, and there was this Prothean beacon…it doesn't matter. Thank God it was only a dream."  
  
Putting down the sandwich, Kaidan turned and began rubbing my shoulders. "Wow, that does sound crazy. Tell me, what did this beacon show you? Do you remember?"  
  
I leaned against him, pulling his arms around my waist. "Does it matter? It was just a dream."  
  
"I'm just curious," he whispered in my ear. "Was I there?"  
  
"No, just me. But all I wanted was to get back to you." I felt myself getting drowsy again. "Take a nap with me?"  
  
"As soon as you tell me what the beacon showed you," he replied. "It might be important. Maybe your subconscious remembered something we should know to defeat the reapers."  
  
I guess that made sense. "Well, let me think…"  
  
"Shepard! You must wake up!"  
  
 _What the hell?_ I turned around to see Admiral Anderson standing at the door. "Admiral? Why didn't you tell me you were coming over? We would have made extra sandwiches!"  
  
In his right hand was a gleaming sword, in his left, a shield. "I am not your Admiral, Shepard. You are dreaming. Think! You are in Ostegar this moment, unconscious. You must wake up, and the only way that will happen is to realize this is not real."  
  
Kaidan tightened his hold on me. "Don't listen to him, Shepard. He just doesn't want you to enjoy your time off. Relax here with me. Tell him to leave."  
  
That didn't sound like Kaidan. Not real? I turned to face the man I loved, and I was shocked to see Alistair sitting in his place. "Is this what you really desire?" he said, leaning closer. "I can give it all to you…"  
  
"You shall not have her!" Anderson cried. But it wasn't Anderson, was it?  
  
This wasn't real…this wasn't real…I have to wake up. How do I wake up?! I shoved Alistair back as I bolted for the door.  
  
Alistair stood to face Anderson, his form beginning to twist into something nightmarish. Before me now was a huge demon where Alistair had once been. Anderson began to change as well, shifting into the form of a woman I didn't recognize. The two beings clashed, lightning bolts flying between them, each one fighting for supremacy. Fading quickly, the room was replaced by a blinding, white light…  
  
 _I found myself back in the ravaged bleakness of the dark forest. Falling on my knees, I sobbed. I could still feel Kaidan's arms around me, but it was all a deception. Lying in the dead leaves, I shut my eyes, never wanting to get up again._  
  
I suddenly heard whispers, voices of those long gone. Ashley Williams, Mordin Solus, Richard Jenkins. Get up. Get up. Get up. Reluctantly, I finally obeyed. Trudging through the woods, I searched for a way out. No matter which direction I took, the forest never ended. More trees, always more trees. I sat down against a large, fallen trunk. How long had I been here? Hours? Days? Softly at first, then gradually louder, I began to hear the laughter of a child in the distance. Getting back on my feet, I clung to the sound desperately, following it, hoping it would lead me out…

* * *

Vega's shoulders were killing him. Alenko wasn't kidding when he said double time. By his estimation, they were about one day away from Ostegar after hiking for nearly four days with breaks only to sleep and take a piss. They even walked while they ate. While they were fairly certain that the elves were still keeping a close eye on their movements, they fortunately hadn't encountered any resistance. Strange, considering the elves had warned them of crazed, evil monsters that were supposed to be around every bend. But they weren't complaining.  
  
Daylight was fading fast. As Vega set up camp, Kaidan hiked to a steep embankment and peered into his binoculars to reaffirm their bearings. "I can just make it out. Ostegar. Due west about 20 klicks. With luck, we should be there by nightfall tomorrow."  
  
Climbing the ridge, Vega took a look for himself. "Hopefully we'll get some answers. And a sweet ride back to the Normandy. My blisters have blisters." Turning his gaze to the south, he was startled to see that as the sun set over the horizon, part of the sky still burned red. "What the hell do you suppose that is, Major?"  
  
Using his omnitool, Kaidan scanned the area as far as the device would allow. What it showed wasn't encouraging. "It's hard to tell, but there's a lot of movement. If I didn't know better, I'd say it's an army encampment."  
  
"Hopefully the good guys," Vega quipped.  
  
"Yeah, right," Kaidan replied grimly. Somehow he doubted that. "I'm going to climb a little farther to that boulder there. Maybe I can get a better read."  
  
Vega broke open a pouch of what claimed to be beef vegetable soup on the package. "Sounds good. I'll keep a lock on you." He sniffed the concoction warily. "We can warp through space but we still eat what looks like dog food. Amazing."  
  
Leaving his pack behind, Kaidan moved quickly to higher ground. Scanning the horizon revealed what he feared: a massive army, thousands strong, of what the elves must have been referring to when they spoke of darkspawn. Like a swarm of locusts, they were steadily making their way toward Ostegar, that much was clear. He prayed that Ostegar had an army of equal number, or there would be nothing left by the time he and Vega arrived.  
  
Recalibrating his omni tool due west, it began to blink a familiar signal. Grimacing, Kaidan smacked the device and shook it, convinced what it was showing was a glitch.  
  
"It can't be. There's no way," he murmured to himself.  
  
But the blinking arrow stubbornly remained, pointing toward Ostegar, with the command line underneath in bold:  
  
 **COMMANDER A. SHEPARD LOCATION SYNCED.  
  
VITAL SIGNS CRITICAL.  
  
NAVIGATE TO THIS SIGNAL? (Y/N)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN!!! Shepard...alive?!
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos from Amethiste, SignoraTed, Caramelized, Annierox213 and for the comments from ignoraTed and bondlikejames96! Every time you leave a comment or kudos, one more star shines bright in this world of Thedas. :)


	9. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to explore the Fade and see some old friends along the way.

Kaidan continued to stare at his omnitool, unable to believe it could be accurate. Every Alliance soldier's dog tags were embedded with a tracker and biometric monitor. A soldier's tags were the one thing they were never supposed to be without, making it a convenient way for squadmates to keep tabs on one another and in the worst circumstances, find fallen comrades in the field. Ever since Shepard rejoined the Alliance, Kaidan had enabled special alerts on her signal in particular. He called over his shoulder, "Vega, come over here. Take a look at this."  
  
Groaning, James stood up and brushed the dirt from his backside. He slowly made his way up the ridge toward the major's position. Once he saw the concerned look on Kaidan's face, he quickened his pace. "What's up? Did you get more intel on that army encampment?"  
  
"Yeah, bad news. It's about a thousand of what I'm guessing are darkspawn, and they're going where we're going," Kaidan said grimly. "But that's not what I'm worried about."  
  
"Not concerned about having a date with darkspawn? This ought to be good," Vega snorted.  
  
Kaidan pulled up his omnitool's display for Vega to see. "Apparently, there's something out there with Shepard's tracking signal. I can't figure out what it could be, though. All Alliance signals are encrypted; it's not something that could be duplicated. Or maybe this thing is glitching out on me."  
  
James squinted at the small 3D rendering of their surroundings and the persistent blinking dot supposedly showing Commander Shepard's location. He pulled up his own omnitool and, scrolling through the list of fellow squadmates, came to Shepard's name. As he attempted to track her signal himself, he received a familiar error:  
  
Unable to verify permissions. Access denied.  
  
"Damn it." He stared at the message dejectedly. "I'm just a lowly lieutenant, Major. I didn't get a chance to finish my Spectre training because I was too busy kicking reaper ass. Otherwise, I could see if mine is picking up the same signal."  
  
Kaidan held out his hand. "Give it to me. If there were ever a time for special permissions, it's now." As Vega watched, Kaidan opened the bios and entered his Alliance ID. "Alpha Delta 246 Foxtrot 82. Level N5 clearance granted."  
  
"Really?" Vega said. "Only N5? Come on."  
  
Kaidan sighed. "Focus, Lieutenant." Opening up the tracking module, he switched Vega's settings to "Track All". After taking a minute to scan the area, two signals were found:  
  
**COMMANDER A. SHEPARD LOCATION SYNCED.  
  
VITAL SIGNS CRITICAL.  
  
ADMIRAL D. ANDERSON LOCATION SYNCED.  
  
VITAL SIGNS STABLE.  
  
NAVIGATE TO A SIGNAL? (Y/N)**  
  
Both men stared in shock at the omnitool's display. Enabling the tracker for the Admiral on Kaidan's own device rendered the same results. "Are you serious?" Vega exclaimed. "What the hell is going on?"  
  
Kaidan's heart began to pound. "Let's think about this. We know that Shepard and Anderson were the only ones to make it through to the beam. Is it possible that when she activated the Catalyst, it somehow transported both of them here before it exploded?"  
  
Vega shook his head. "The hell if I know. The odds of us being here are already in the 'impossible' category, so why not? I'm willing to believe anything at this point." He slid back down the ridge to the makeshift campsite and began to strap on his gear. "Come on, Alenko. I already know there's no way we're sleeping tonight if Shepard and Anderson are out there somewhere. Let's beat those darkspawn bastards to Ostegar."

* * *

_I had been running for what seemed like an eternity through this stupid forest and there was no end in sight. I was beginning to forget how I had gotten here or what I was doing before. Voices were scattered all around me, making me lose all sense of direction._  
  
"Shepard."  
  
"Shepard."  
  
Finally, there was one voice that began to draw nearer, stating my name over and over like a mantra. I recognized the raspy intonations and began to squint through the trees, desperate to find Thane Krios. As I followed the sound, I was suddenly in a clearing overlooking the temple ruins in the Wilds. The place I was found.  
  
"Thane! Thane, I'm here! Can you hear me? Thane!" As I turned around to call out again, he appeared directly in front of me, exactly how I remembered him with his strong form, his penetrating gaze. Startled at first, I took a step back, falling into the leaves. He knelt beside me, holding out his hand and pulling me into a warm embrace that I gratefully returned.  
  
"Shepard, this place isn't meant for you," he said gravely. "The longer you stay, the more entrapped you will become."  
  
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hugged him tightly. "Thane, is it really you? I've missed you so much. I finally got all of your messages, after you died. I never got the chance to tell you…even though Kaidan and I…I hope you know that I still loved you."  
  
He pulled away and held my shoulders fast. "Stop, Shepard. Do not let your mind wander or you will become entangled. Concentrate. You are the strongest woman I know. Use that strength to break free of this place." He looked toward the ruins and pointed at the beacon, a black pillar blotting out even the darkness of the forest beyond. "You must return to the beacon, but powerful demons lay in wait for you. You cannot defeat them alone."  
  
"Why?" I cried. "What do they want with me? Why am I a target?" Out of the corner of my eye, I began to see shapes moving through the trees and fire burning in the distance.  
  
Shaking me, he forced me to hold his gaze. "Look at me, Shepard! Do not give in to despair. You are the only one with the power to defeat the Reapers once and for all. End the terrible cycle forever in this land. That is why they seek to destroy you; they fear your power over them."  
  
I shook my head, confused. "Power? It was the Crucible that had the power to stop the Reapers, not me! Tell me what to do. Tell me how!"  
  
At that moment, the ground began to shake beneath my feet and crack wide, monsters crawling out of the abyss. Thane drew his pistol and fired in rapid succession, trying to draw them away. "Hurry, Shepard! There isn't time left!"  
  
"Thane!" Arming myself with an assault rifle, rage overtook me as I charged them headlong to save him. Just as I felt myself being pulled under, Mordin Solus was at my side, demolishing the demons in his wake and laying down suppressive fire. He grabbed me roughly by the arm, hauling me up and shoving me toward the ruins. "Learn how to control your power, Shepard! Now go!"  
  
"What power?" I cried in anguish. I couldn't bear seeing my friends overwhelmed by these fiends, but when I tried to turn back, to run to their aid, a strong grip began dragging me in the opposite direction. "What the hell are you doing, Shepard? Run, damn it! Run!" I stumbled to my feet as another long-lost comrade, Ashley Williams, fired her rifle and sprinted toward the temple, clearing a path to the beacon. I looked back one last time to see Thane and Mordin fighting fiercely to keep the demons at bay. "I love you, Shepard!" Thane cried. "If you still love me, you'll go! Quickly!"  
  
Against my will, I tore my gaze away from them and toward the beacon, now straight in front of me. I began to run as fast as I could, determined not to waste the opportunity Ashley had given me. Reaching for the black granite, I screamed in pain as it seared the flesh of my hand. The forest began to fade, and I could hear the howls of hell screeching, infuriated…

* * *

I awoke to the sound of my own cry, my hand burning in agony. I clutched it to my chest, afraid to look at the damage that had been done. Alistair, who must have been directly outside my room, rushed to my side. "Shepard? Shepard! Thank the Maker, you're awake! Are you alright? How do you feel?" Slowly prying my hands apart, I looked down to see nothing out of the ordinary. The pain was dissipating swiftly as I regained more of my bearings.  
  
"Alistair…" I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and with his help, tentatively sat up to stretch my muscles. "I'm…fine. At least I will be." I took a few deep breaths, trying to clear my mind and bring my emotions under control.  
  
"You were screaming…are you sure you're alright?" As Alistair looked me over to assess if I was truly well, I noticed dark circles outlining his blood-shot eyes.  
  
"How long have you been waiting for me to wake up?" I asked him. "You look spent." But he didn't hear me; he was too busy giving the guard outside my door orders. Upon recalling the vision of the Prothean beacon, my heart raced. Those demons had almost succeeded in killing me in my sleep, and they definitely didn't want anyone else to know of what I had learned. I had to warn these people of what they were truly up against, and soon.  
  
Leaning on Alistair for support, I slowly came to my feet, taking tentative steps to regain my sense of balance. I must have been out for a day at least. Before I could go very far, Irving and Wynne were rushing in to check on me. Wynne hurried to my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and urging me to sit down again. "You've finally awoken, thank the Maker. Alistair, how long has she been conscious?"  
  
"Not long. I called for you immediately." He was still by my side, never taking more than a few steps away. "Is she okay, Wynne? Is she…alone?  
  
"Alone? What is that supposed to mean?" I asked.  
  
"Did you dream while you were asleep? Were you tempted by anything? How did you wake up?" Irving interrogated.  
  
Tempted? I thought back to the demon pretending to be Kaidan, how easy it would have been to remain in his arms if that strange woman wouldn't have intervened. I thought of Thane, Mordin, and Ashley, and how I would have probably been trapped in that forest forever if they hadn't come to my rescue. "I had vivid dreams, if that's what you mean. I...found my way back to the temple ruins, to the beacon. I reached out for it and that's when I was able to wake up." Turning her full attention to me, Wynne checked my condition. She reminded me so much of Dr. Chakwas that a fresh pang of yearning for my crew shot through me.  
  
Irving came to stand beside Wynne. "Tell me more about these dreams."  
  
"I...I was back home. It all seemed so real." I gratefully accepted the food and drink that had just arrived. "Then someone came to me, told me that I was dreaming and that I had to wake up. She fought for me, rescued me. I didn't recognize her, though. Friends of mine who had died in the war, they came to my aid and cleared a path toward the beacon. It was all so real…."  
  
"Did a mage enter the Fade during the ritual?" Wynne asked.  
  
Irving shook his head. "No, I forbade it. It was far too dangerous. Whatever had Shepard in its grip was too powerful for a mage to stand against alone."  
  
Wynne finished her inspection of me. "We had to gather all of the mages we could find to stabilize you. Even then, we weren't sure it was going to be enough. We thought you were lost to us, but against all odds, you have awoken."  
  
"Perhaps it was Andraste herself and the spirits of your friends who truly saved you," Irving replied. "In any case, I sense no malevolent presence surrounding her now. As best I can tell, she is herself."  
  
Wynne nodded. "Whomever it was who intervened for you, we are grateful to have you back with us. Alistair has been pacing the halls so much he was likely to run a rut through the stone."  
  
For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why that man felt so much responsibility for me. "How long have I been out?"  
  
"You've been asleep for four days," Wynne answered.  
  
"Four days!" The beacon on Eden Prime had only knocked me out for 15 hours. This one was even more powerful than the first I had encountered. "I need to tell you...there is something you have to know about the archdemon. It isn't what you think."  
  
At that moment, Duncan arrived, out of breath from running here as quickly as he could. "Thank the Maker you're awake!"  
  
"Yes, yes, we're all grateful to the Maker. Shepard was about to tell us something important. Go on," Irving prodded.  
  
Where to start? "What you fight isn't just an archdemon…an old god, as you say. Where I come from, that 'old god' is known as a Reaper. The very things we were fighting a galactic war to stop."  
  
"Yes, you told us about your war against these 'Reapers' when you first arrived," Alistair said. "How do you know this?"  
  
"That black pillar we found near the temple ruins, I've seen them before although they're extremely rare," I explained. "It's a beacon built by a race known as the Protheans; they were wiped out by the Reapers centuries ago."  
  
Alistair was deep in thought. "So you're saying that the archdemons you were fighting back on Earth are the same ones we've been fighting for thousands of years, Blight after Blight?"  
  
Duncan frowned. "Here, the only way to defeat an archdemon is at the hand of a Grey Warden. How did you stop them?"  
  
"Honestly, it took all of the races of the galaxy to defeat them," I replied. "We had to construct a massive weapon called a Crucible to wipe them all out once and for all. But if there are Reapers here, it must not have worked. I didn't exactly stick around to find out for sure. As soon as I activated it, I ended up here."  
  
"So, we are back where we started," Duncan stated matter-of-factly. "The horde is nearly upon us. There is no more time to wait." He turned to face me. "There is something you must know. Since the day you touched the beacon, the darkspawn have disappeared. While some held out hope that what you had done had defeated them, we knew better. As Grey Wardens, we have a connection with the archdemon's thoughts and actions. Do not ask how because it does not matter. What does matter is that it is bent on a new purpose: destroying you. And it has gathered all of the forces it can muster to march upon Ostegar to find you."  
  
"You are important to the archdemon, which means you're the key to destroying it somehow," Alistair continued. "Do you have any idea why?"  
  
I pursed my lips, trying to think back to what Thane had told me. The details of what I had experienced were fading quickly. "In the dream, one of my companions told me that the Reapers fear me. That I'm the only one with the power to defeat them and end the cycle of the Blights once and for all. But he didn't tell me why or how. And in any case, it was just a dream."  
  
"It wasn't just a dream, Shepard," Wynne stated. "You were in the Fade, a place where the living and spirits intermingle. Every living being enters the Fade when their spirit leaves their body after death or mentally when they dream. Usually, only mages can recall their time in the Fade. You are an interesting exception."  
  
"So you're saying that what I saw was real?" I asked.  
  
"Not exactly," Wynne replied. "If you'd like to learn more, I can teach you. But suffice it to say that what you experienced while in the Fade may be critical to finding out why you are so important to the archdemon."  
  
I paused, trying to concentrate. "I can't remember much else. But it's nice to know the entire darkspawn horde is targeting me. I think I'll just stay awake from now on."  
  
Alistair serious tone caught me by surprise. "They'll have to come through me first."  
  
I chuckled to lighten the mood. "If I recall, it was your ass I was covering back in the woods."  
  
"My good woman," he replied, "it's very unladylike to talk about covering another man's mule."  
  
Duncan was not amused. "We must speak with King Cailen and Teryn Loghain to inform them of what we face. Try to rest, for tomorrow, the true battle begins."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you, but I miss Mordin, Thane, and Ashley. And since this is my story, I'm going to put them in there dang it!
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments. It makes my day!


	10. Confessions

Four days…there was so much to be done. How much time did all of them spend tending to me while everything else had to wait? Too much time must have been wasted because of me.  
  
I smiled weakly as Wynne patted my shoulder. "Rest, child. Do not worry about tomorrow. I know it sounds like strange advice, but try to sleep. It will help you to heal." She turned to leave, Irving and Duncan following suit. Only Alistair remained.  
  
"Before I go, are you sure you're alright?" he asked, concern in his voice.  
  
The memory of seeing my crew, seeing Thane, was burning a hole through me. I hadn't realized how much I missed them until now, how much I had already lost for a war I didn't even know if we'd won. Thinking I was really back home, convinced that this had all been a dream, seeing Kaidan in that place…it had me questioning everything. What was real and what wasn't? How could I tell? I wanted to scream, shoot something, anything but sit here in this room with nothing but my thoughts. But I couldn't let Alistair see that. The commander in me wouldn't allow it. Instead, I forced a grin. "I must look pretty terrible for you to keep asking me that."  
  
His tone softened as he looked at me intently. "You look beautiful, actually." Coming to his senses, he seemed to regret the words as soon as he'd said them. "Forgive me. Lack of sleep and all that. I'll let you rest." Rubbing the back of his neck, he turned to leave. But I couldn't let it go. Not this time.  
  
"Wait."  
  
Still facing the door, he stopped reluctantly, waiting for me to speak.  
  
"How do I know I'm not dreaming right now? If this Fade is a real place where real spirits can mess with you, how do you ever know what's truly reality?" I asked.  
  
His reply was faint. "That would be a question better suited for Wynne, I think." He paused, his posture tense. "Did you see me in your dream?"  
  
I knew that was a question best left unanswered. Instead, I asked what I'd been pondering since the moment I found myself in this strange place.  
  
"Why do you feel so much responsibility for me, Alistair?"  
  
Sunlight burned orange against the stone, the day drawing to a close. Time seemed to stand still, nothing moving save for dust drifting lazily through the slender streaks of light. After long moments, Alistair's shoulders relaxed as he hung his head, starring at the stone floor. "I…I'm not sure exactly, to be honest. I've asked myself the same." He slowly turned to face me with a look of such compassion that it stunned me into silence. It was all I could do to keep from breaking down and pouring all of my fears and doubts at his feet right then and there. Taking tentative steps toward me, he knelt beside me and held my gaze. "Perhaps it's because I was the one who found you. Maybe because you're the target of the archdemon and I feel it's my duty to protect you." He paused, wrestling with what to say next. "I know I haven't known you long. I barely know anything about you. But nevertheless, I have come to care for you a great deal. Take that however you wish."  
  
His eyes searched mine longingly for any hint as to what I must have been thinking at that moment. Honestly, I wasn't sure myself. "Alistair, I…" _No, this can't happen! He can't be falling for me.  I should tell him about Kaidan. Tell him I'm engaged. Stop this now, before it goes any farther._ I braced myself and blurted, "I should tell you that I…"  
  
A knock on the door interrupted me as Duncan's voice boomed from the other side. "Shepard, I have something for you." Without acknowledgement he had been heard, Duncan entered swiftly, the door making a distinct creak that I was beginning to recognize.  
  
Alistair quickly stood, a look of constraint masking any clues as to our discussion.  
  
Duncan glanced at both of us with a puzzled expression. "Alistair, you remained. Is everything alright here?"  
  
Standing to greet him, I nodded swiftly. "Yes of course. He was just making sure there wasn't anything else I needed."  
  
"Yes. Well," Duncan replied curtly. "I have something of yours. You aren't our prisoner, nor should we treat you as such. But we would ask that you show discretion when using anything from your land in ours. It will likely draw unwanted attention."  
  
He held out his hand to reveal my pistol. It was like seeing a long lost friend. "My gun!" I gripped the weapon fondly, checking the nearly empty magazine and racking the slide, the sound of it comforting. "Thank you, Duncan. This means a lot to me."  
  
"You'll have to show me how to use that thing," Alistair said.  
  
I smiled warmly. "It's a deal."  
  
Duncan nodded, then slapped Alistair on the shoulder. "Come, we have work to do. Now that you've seen she's not going to waste away, leave Shepard in peace."  
  
Glancing toward me, Alistair acquiesced. "Of course. Be well, Shepard. We'll continue our discussion another time."  
  
I cradled the pistol with both hands, clinging to its familiarity. "Right, another time," I replied halfheartedly.

* * *

The moon was nearly full, the stars unfamiliar pinpoints of light in the black tapestry of the night sky. Kaidan knew Vega was exhausted, and if it weren't for his own adrenaline pushing him forward, he knew he would be near collapse as well. As they trudged through the dark forest with only moonlight to cut a path and their omnitools to point the way, Kaidan wondered if they were really covering any significant ground that they wouldn't have easily made up for in the daylight after a few hours rest. Both men pushed forward in silence despite their weariness, unwilling to suggest to the other that they stop and make camp.  
  
While they marched, Kaidan glanced at Shepard's biometric indicators compulsively. Vital signs critical, it read, but it could give no more information beyond that. He prayed that whatever they found when they reached Shepard's signal, it wouldn't be her body. That was a level of despair that he doubted he could come back from.  
  
Suddenly, as if fate had read his thoughts, Shepard's biometrics blinked to indicate an update.  
  
**COMMANDER A. SHEPARD - SYNC UPDATE AVAILABLE.  
**   
VITAL SIGNS CHANGED FROM CRITICAL TO STABLE.  
  
Kaidan let out a breath that he didn't know he'd been holding. He couldn't help but hold out hope that it was somehow really her. Tentative, dangerous, reckless hope most likely, but it was something.  
  
Vega held up a fist, a signal for them to halt. Pointing into the distance, Kaidan could barely make out the orange glow through the trees: torchlight. They had reached the outskirts of the hoard, and now they faced a decision that Kaidan had not wanted to make. Only five miles southwest of their position was Admiral Anderson's signal. Shepard's position, however, was located eight miles west as the crow flies, which would cut straight through the middle of the darkspawn camp. To reach her would require going around it, cutting a wide circle that would result in reaching the northeastern edge of Ostagar and add an additional two miles to their path through a marshy bog. Objectivity would state that they should investigate Anderson's signal first, but the major didn't know if he had the willpower to make that choice.  
  
Vega was the first to break the long silence. "Major, can I make a suggestion?"  
  
"Go ahead, Lieutenant," Kaidan replied.  
  
James knew it was pointless to say it, but he didn't let it stop him. "These signals…they could be any number of things. It could be a damn Reaper trap for all we know. The locations haven't changed since we synced them. Either Anderson and Shepard are comatose or being held prisoner, or it's something else entirely."  
  
Kaidan gazed southwest, as if hoping he could see evidence of the admiral from where they stood. "Don't get your hopes up, is that what you're saying?" Kaidan rubbed his temples, feeling a migraine building behind his eyes. Exhaustion was beginning to impair his ability to think clearly. "I know we both don't want to admit it, but we can't continue safely through this terrain when we're this close to the enemy. We need to wait for daybreak if we want to outmaneuver them."  
  
"And then what?" Vega asked. "You and I both know it makes the most sense to check out Anderson's location first. It's closest, it's moving away from danger, and it'll help us determine what these signals actually are. Then we can double back to Shepard's signal."  
  
"I know. I just…damn it." Hoping for some kind of inspiration to know what to do, he crouched on the cold ground and ran through the scenarios in his mind. In the end, there was only one decision he could bring himself to make. "I hear you, Vega, I do. But if there's a chance that Anderson and Shepard are really here, Shepard is the more important asset in this case. Anderson is safe, for now. Meanwhile, this entire army is moving in Shepard's direction. We need to get to her first. Then we can circle back for Anderson."  
  
Setting down his pack on the damp ground, Vega stretched his shoulders. "You're the boss. I go where you go. But for the record, I don't think there's any way we can get ahead of these darkspawn. We're going to show up right in the middle of the fight. You realize that, right?"  
  
Kaidan's expression was grim. "All the more reason to get to Shepard first."

* * *

Despite my four day coma, I managed to enter into a mercifully dreamless sleep. Awakening to the dawn, I stretched and yawned, then bolted upright. I immediately knew I was late. Why didn't anyone wake me? Swiftly dressing in my leather armor, I rushed to the main square of the camp where the Grey Wardens were gathered. Spotting Alistair, I caught his eye and smiled. He smiled back but kept his distance. I wondered if Duncan had something to do with that.  
  
I was to accompany the Wardens to meet with King Cailan and Teryn Loghain to discuss strategy. My tardiness was not a wonderful first impression on the Teryn, that much was clear from the onset. He reminded me of a Salarian ambassador I had dealt with who had wanted to sabotage the cure of the Krogan genophage. For that reason and more I would discover during our discussion, it was difficult for me not to detest him.  
  
Despite our warnings that this was no mere darkspawn raid, King Cailan insisted to be at the front of the Grey Warden ranks and lead the charge through the horde. It was a terrible plan and one that Duncan was staunchly against. Ultimately, he couldn't convince Cailan that a Blight was upon them, and there was no longer time to wait for more troops to arrive.  
  
The battle plan was thereby divided into two parts: a lure and an ambush attack. Anticipating tight quarters combat, the army serving as bait would be comprised of Fereldan's best troops, led by King Cailan himself. The Grey Wardens would also be present to deal with the archdemon should it appear.  
  
Once the darkspawn were fully engaged in the attack, a signal would be sent from the Tower of Ishal, upon which Teyrn Loghain and the bulk of the Fereldan force would come out of hiding behind the horde and attack, trapping the darkspawn between the two forces and destroying them. It was hoped that the narrowness of the valley that led to Ostagar would effectively keep the darkspawn hemmed in and unable to bring their full strength to bear against the defenders, enabling the Fereldens to destroy the horde.  
  
"And what do you plan to do with her?" Loghain asked, looking down his nose at me as if I were a stray dog.  
  
"She will be protected with a small contingent of soldiers. If the archdemon is after her, her safety is critical," Duncan replied.  
  
Loghain sneered. "We can spare no soldiers here, Grey Warden. Put her with the tower. She'll be safe there. No darkspawn will be able to make it past our ranks."  
  
I snorted in reply. "Me? In a tower? I don't think so." To make my point, I leaned across the table toward Loghain, looking him straight in the eye. "I'm a soldier. If you want to win, let me help you destroy these creatures."  
  
"The best way you can help us now is to stay out of danger." Duncan pulled me back, his voice pleading. "If you're a commander, you know that strategy is more than fighting. Please, Shepard."  
  
Putting my hands on my hips, I looked up to the sky and groaned. "All right. Fine. Tower it is."

* * *

Having lived in these woods for centuries, Flemeth knew them better than anyone. She had walked with the wolves, flown with the crows, and made created paths through the dense foliage to trap any Templars foolish enough to come for her. She had eyes and ears everywhere; nothing moved without her knowledge of it. But her home was now being overrun with vile creatures that she had little patience for. While she was able to hide her hut behind a magical barrier to keep the darkspawn out, she wouldn't be able to stop the complete destruction that she knew was coming.  
  
And as she flew the parameter of her terrain, she had come across other trespassers. Clearly associated with the man called Anderson whom she still had locked in a deep sleep and Shepard who had activated the strange blue beacon of light, they were heading uncomfortably close to her dwelling. She tracked them for two days, once as a bird nesting near their camp, once as a cat that the man called Vega had offered bits of dried meat to. During that time, she had learned of their ability to trace their friends' locations with a curious device attached to their forearms. They referenced it for nearly everything. It wasn't magical from what she could tell, but it pulsed with an energy that she couldn't pinpoint. She found herself in the peculiar place of having more questions than answers, and it wasn't a place she liked to stay for long.  
  
Returning to her hut, she began to unravel one mystery that she knew may prove to be one of the most important: what was giving away Anderson and Shepard's locations, and how could she stop it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, Shepard...getting in over your head. How will this shake out, I wonder?
> 
> I love, love, love your comments, and they are each dear to my heart, as are all of you who read this!


	11. Blood Ties

Since coming back from the beam of light that had pierced the sky, Flemeth had been more anxious than Morrigan had ever seen her. She disappeared from the hut for long periods of time, returning only to reference her spellbooks or send Morrigan to fetch ingredients for new tonics to test on their captive. Although she was charged with watching over Anderson, Morrigan knew his sleep would be unbroken, and their hut was well hidden behind a barrier of powerful magic. Thus it was that in her boredom, she found herself wandering the outskirts of the Wilds as a panther and soon after, the halls of Ostagar as a mouse. During one such excursion, she happened upon a room full of mages chanting sustainability spells over someone's lifeless form. Quickly shapeshifting into a small spider, she climbed the nearby stone wall to take a closer look. She was surprised to see the woman she recognized as Shepard from her time in the Fade with Anderson. She also realized the peril that Shepard faced. Strong dark magic was assaulting her mind. After the fourth day, however, despite the odds, the woman managed to awaken and Morrigan's curiosity got the better of her.  
  
Returning to the hut after disappearing under the guise of harvesting spindleweed, she found her mother mumbling incantations as she hunched over Anderson's still form. She had stripped him naked and was dribbling a mixture of lotus, royal elfroot, and dragon's blood over his chest. As the liquid pooled, it slowly snaked its way toward his throat, its black red hue leaving a trail behind it. Like a living thing, it left a branch of itself on the man's neck and throat as it poured off his body and toward a heap of the man's clothing near the fire. "Show me," Flemeth whispered. Rummaging through the pile, she carefully drew her hand back to reveal a chain with a pair of silver tags covered in the sticky substance. She cackled in triumph. "So this is it! I should have known. How clever."  
  
Morrigan took this opportunity to interrupt Flemeth's reverie. "I've returned with your weeds, Mother." She tossed them in a crumpled pile on a nearby table already littered with herbs. "You said my fate was tied up in his. What did you mean by that?"  
  
Flemeth stared at the tags swaying in the firelight. "Is it luck or fate?" she muttered. "I can never decide." She held them up for her daughter to see. "Do you know what these are, my dear?"  
  
Morrigan knew to be especially wary when her mother used terms of endearment. Taking a step closer, she squinted. "No. What are they?"  
  
"These," Flemeth replied, "are how every darkspawn in Ferelden will know where this man is. Tied into them is some kind of foreign magic that I've only heard in whispers. It sends a unique signal of his exact location to any creature that knows how to look."  
  
Morrigan's voice conveyed her alarm. "Then darkspawn will be on our doorstep at any moment. Why are you happy about this?"  
  
As she watched, her mother carefully scraped the thick potion from the man's chest into a glass vial. It pulsed with life, the heartbeat of the man matching that of the strange, viscous liquid. "Because now we can use it to our advantage." Flemeth gently laid the silver tags and vial next to one another and turned to her daughter. "I know where you've been. You shouldn't fool yourself into thinking you can hide anything from me, my darling daughter. But once again, your wanderings have helped me a great deal, and for that, you deserve a reward." She smiled in a way that made Morrigan squirm. "So, you wish to know how your fate is linked with his? Then listen carefully, dear, for I am about to reveal it to you."

* * *

"I believe we have gathered enough copper to repair the integrated comm system, Jeff." EDI spoke as she worked, her hands moving in a blur over an opened panel in engineering.  
  
"That only took forever. At this rate, we'll have the interstellar part of the comm fixed by the time the elves get around to inventing it. Hopefully Ostagar has their shit together. We can contact Earth from there." Jeff rubbed his eyes and yawned. The entire crew had been working around the clock for the past five days, anxious to get communications back online so they could at least open a channel to Kaidan and Vega. No one wanted to talk about it, but they were all on edge, wondering if the major and lieutenant were still in one piece.  
  
Without a ship to fly, Jeff had been staying close to EDI and helping however he could. He quickly realized, however, that EDI needed no assistance. She didn't just know the ship inside and out; she _was_ the ship inside and out. But he had to feel like he was doing something, anything but sitting in his quarters or roaming the halls. Roam was a term he used loosely. If he was being honest, limping through the halls would be a better description. Liara had tried to convince him to leave the ship, get some fresh air. It'll be good for you, she would say. What he didn't tell her, or anyone, is that being in wide open spaces alone terrified him. He had nightmares about falling down a hole or twisting an ankle, and he didn't have Lassie to save him like in the vids. He'll stay in the familiar comforts of the Normandy, thank you very much.  
  
EDI looked up from her work, her hands still tending to their task. He wondered if she really needed to watch what she was doing or if she simply did it to mimic human behavior. "Why don't we ask? I can open a channel to Major Alenko."  
  
"Ask what now? Oh, right, Alenko and Vega. God, I'm tired." He blinked away his exhaustion and pulled himself onto his feet. "Let's get the gang together in the comm room in ten minutes. They'll all want to be a part of this." Stretching, he began to slowly make his way to the door. "On second thought, make that 20 minutes."  
  
By the time Jeff arrived, Garrus, Tali, Liara, and EDI were already there, sitting around the large conference table and conferring with one another about their progress.  
  
"We've figured out where we are, I think." With a few commands, Liara pulled up a cluster of stars in the middle of the table, pointing to a particular group of bright dots. "Roughly anyway. We may be in the Alpha Centauri system, the same system a group of human colonists were discovered in 2186. That's as far as we've been able to determine without long-range scanners, but it's a start."  
  
"Good work, Liara," Tali said. "That at least gives us an idea."  
  
"And we've been working on synthesizing steel from the iron ore that our crew has excavated, although those elves are none too happy about it," Garrus added. "It's certainly primitive, but it should be enough to get this bird back in the air."  
  
Jeff shifted his weight in the seat. "Yeah, we keep telling them that it's the only way we're going to get our asses off of their 'sacred ground', so they'd best either help us or let us do our work."  
  
Garrus nodded. "How about we fill in our pals playing out in the field?"

* * *

Since before daybreak, Kaidan and Vega had tried plotting their course around the horde, which was moving more swiftly than either of them had given it credit for. No matter how they looked at it, they had no hope of beating the darkspawn there. In the end, they decided to continue along their path northwest and approach Ostagar from the east. After eating a cheerless meal of protein wafers and hydrogel, they quickly broke camp to begin their final day's journey. Although the leaves rustled in the wind, there was no sign of life. It seemed all of the birds and animals had fled the forest, an omen of what was to come. After several hours of hard marching, a familiar voice stopped them in their tracks.  
  
"Hey, is this thing working? Can you hear us?"  
  
Kaidan drew a breath of relief and Vega laughed out loud. Finally, something was working. "Joker, is that you? I never thought I'd be so damn happy to hear that voice. How are things back at the ranch?"  
  
EDI's voice chimed over the comm. "Major Alenko and Lieutenant Vega, we are still unable to pinpoint your location."  
  
"Yeah, that part isn't fixed yet," Jeff added. "It only took five damn days to get the comm system cobbled together with string and bubble gum."  
  
"Are you to Ostagar? Have you been able to contact Earth?" Liara asked.  
  
Kaidan shielded his eyes from the sun, now high in the sky, as he peered through the trees ahead. "Not yet. There have been some complicating factors, not the least of which is that our omnitools are showing the locations of Commander Shepard and Admiral Anderson."  
  
"What? What the hell does that mean?" Garrus' voice burst out loudly. "That can't be right."  
  
Kaidan motioned for Vega to start walking again. They couldn't waste any time. "We don't know what it means yet. Shepard's signal is right in the middle of where we're heading, so we're checking that one out first. Anderson's signal is south of here. We'll double back to that later." Kaidan grunted as they scrambled up a rocky hill.  
  
"I will begin working on a probable explanation, Major Alenko," EDI stated in her calm, matter-of-fact tone. "It is likely related to the activation of a Prothean beacon five days ago."  
  
So Kaidan had been right. Vega looked back over his shoulder at the major but kept marching forward. "Sure, thanks, EDI. But isn't it possible it could really be them?"  
  
"The probability of Commander Shepard and Admiral Anderson being on this planet is 0.000000000…"  
  
Garrus cut her off before she could finish. "Stop, EDI, we get it."  
  
Vega swiped branches out of his face, squeezing through tight spaces between the now dense forest trees. "You should know that we're not the only ones heading to Ostagar. About a thousand evil demon creatures with very pointy teeth are bound to beat us to it, and we're probably going to show up in the middle of the party."  
  
"Do you need reinforcements?" EDI asked. "Or would it be advisable for you to wait until the danger has passed?"  
  
Kaidan shook his head, even though he knew they couldn't see him. "No, you'd never get here in time, and if Shepard is really in there, we need to get her out."  
  
"Kaidan…" Liara's tone told him exactly what she was about to say.  
  
A branch Vega had pushed out of the way managed to smack Kaidan in the face. "Vega, watch it!" He let James get a few more paces ahead of him. "I know, Liara. It's probably a glitch we can't figure out. But the only way we'll know for sure is to go where the signal leads." Kaidan picked up the pace as he followed the lieutenant into a wide open marsh. "I know you've all been hard at it, and we'll keep you posted. But we need to focus on this mission. Get our bird back in the air. Alenko out."  
  
As Kaidan looked down at his omnitool to close the connection with the Normandy, he ran right into the back of Vega.  
  
"What is it? We don't have time to stop." It didn't take him long to understand why they couldn't continue on any further.  
  
"I wouldn't go that way if I were you." Directly in front of Vega was a muddy pit bubbling with a gas that filled the air with the stench of sulfur, but that wasn't the only reason he had stopped. A tall, slender woman with amber eyes and raven hair had her right hand on Vega's chest, preventing him from taking another step into what was likely a death trap. He had been concentrating on the conversation with the Normandy so much that he hadn't been looking where he was about to tread.  
  
One look at James revealed he was clearly speechless. Kaidan cleared his throat, holding up his hands to show they weren't a threat. "We're strangers here, just passing through. If we're trespassing, we're sorry, but maybe you could help us. We're trying to find a way to Ostagar."  
  
"You don't say." In her left hand was a wooden staff and around her shoulders was a blood red shawl that revealed a scandalous amount of her ivory skin. Most importantly to Kaidan, she appeared human. Sheathing her staff behind her, the woman stared at Vega intently. "Ostagar? Why would you want to go there? It's about to become a place most will want to leave. I would encourage you to go back from whence you came."  
  
Kaidan elbowed James in the ribs hoping he would come to his senses. "That's not an option, I'm afraid. If you can't help us, we'll just be on our way."  
  
Crossing her arms over her chest revealed even more of her bosom, if that was possible. Kaidan felt his own mouth getting a bit dry. "Oh, I can help you. But first, tell me why you want to go to Ostagar, and I'll decide if it's worthy of my time to guide you there."  
  
This was their first contact with another human being on this planet, and he decided it was important to get as much information from her as possible. But you have to give to get, as Shepard liked to say. He extended his hand. "My name is Kaidan, and this is James. We're meeting a very good friend at Ostagar, and we need to get to them, preferably before the darkspawn do."  
  
Her gaze was hypnotic. "Is that so? Well, it is important to stand by one's friends." She seemed to ponder her options a moment, then grasped Kaidan's hand in her own. He thought he felt something strange, like an electric current, move between them as they touched, but it was gone as soon as her hand let go of his. "Come, I'll escort you there safely." She fixed her eyes on Kaidan, and he found himself inexplicably drawn to her. "My name is Morigan, and I live in these woods. I know them better than anyone. And I also know where all of the mud traps are between here and Ostagar. Step in one of those and you'll be a permanent part of the woods, I'm afraid. Dangerous place."  
  
"She has a point. She probably saved me a world of hurt," Vega whispered. Kaidan's mind was growing foggy. He couldn't think straight anymore. He narrowed his eyes, not yet knowing if this strange woman was friend or foe. Regardless the answer, he knew she was right. He supposed they would be unlikely traveling companions for now. "How far away do you think Ostagar is?"  
  
Walking ahead, she led them carefully through the marsh and onto a hidden path covered with dry, dead leaves. "Not far. We should arrive shortly after nightfall."  
  
Kaidan prayed that would be soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vega and Kaidan have a new traveling companion...that will be interesting. ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this story of mine! I can't tell you how much it means to me. Your comments are like gold.


	12. Stolen Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard, Alistair, and the elven Grey Warden finish up last minute business before the fight at Ostegar.

There were only hours until the fight, and we had one final chance to finish any important business. I headed for my room with the intention of gathering my belongings and field stripping my gun. I had precious few shots left, but I was determined to make them count. Opening the large wooden door, I instead was greeted by the unexpected: fresh logs on the fire and a bath of steaming water. I suppose there are plus sides to this world after all, I thought. Shedding my leather armor, I lowered myself into the tub, exhaling sharply at the feeling of the heat on my bare skin. I took my time, soaking my muscles and gratefully scrubbing off the sweat that had accumulated over the past several days. After the water had grown cold, I finally stepped out of the tub onto the rough stone floor. Brushing the dampness out of my hair, I gathered my long, black mane into a tight bun. As I slipped my dog tags along with Kaidan's ring around my neck and buckled on my N7 suit, I knew that the others would throw a fit, but there was no way I would leave it behind. My omnitool hadn't worked since the moment I arrived, but I strapped it on instinctively anyway. Holstering my pistol to my right side, I took a deep breath and felt the familiar synthetic Kevlar expand and contract against my skin. Day had already given way to dusk, and it was time to meet the others.  
  
I quietly slipped out of my room, walking down the stone corridors toward the main hall. My eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, and the wall sconces flickered and hissed as I passed. Rounding the next corner, I shouted in surprise as I stumbled headlong into Theresa.  
  
"Hello, there," she said calmly. "Duncan sent me to see if you were on your way." She smiled as she held my shoulders to keep me from falling backwards.  
  
"Wow. You startled me." I took a deep breath, finding my sense of balance. "I know, I'm late again. You people really need to figure out clocks."  
  
"You, um, have an interesting wardrobe choice there." She looked me up and down quizzically, clearly surprised at my attire, but I stood my ground. "If my life is on the line, I'm trusting my own armor," I retorted. "This suit has kept me alive through Reaper explosions."  
  
Theresa raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Yes, right. I've heard all about that from Alistair. Those Reapers sound like nasty business. But did you consider that it will make you an easy target for the darkspawn, seeing as you're the only one wearing anything like that around here?"  
  
"I thought there weren't going to be darkspawn where I'll be holed up." I folded my arms across my chest. "I've already agreed to staying out of the fight. At least give me this. I'll be damned if I'm leaving my armor behind."  
  
Scratching her head, I could see she was wrestling with what to say next. Knowing I was growing later by the minute, I started to walk past her when she finally spoke again. "Wait, Shepard, think about it. In that black body suit, I'm afraid our own troops could mistake you for a darkspawn and make a pincushion out of you." She grabbed my elbow and tugged, pulling me back the way I had come. "We'll be back here after the battle. Your belongings are safe in you room."  
  
I reluctantly followed after her. In my mind, I knew that a fast exit may be my only option if everything went south. "You and I both know this isn't going to be a simple fight." Quickening my pace, I stood directly in her path to force her to a halt. "I'm not leaving anything behind, Theresa."  
  
She sighed and let out a lilting laugh. "Maker, you're as stubborn as I am. Okay, I'll get you a pack and you can carry your armor with you. How's that?"  
  
I rolled my eyes in return. "Fine, I know we don't have all day. If that's my option, I guess I'll change."  
  
Before I could react, she spun me around and began pushing on my shoulders from behind. "Fantastic! Let's go!"  
  
"Let's?" I asked. "I don't need your help, thanks." Shrugging her hands from my back, I walked briskly toward my room.  
  
"Actually, and no offense, but it's pretty obvious you haven't been shown how to properly wear light leather armor. From one woman to another, you do, in fact, need help." Arriving at my room, she let herself in and threw an extra log on the fire. "You know, while we may have fought in the Wilds together, I occurs to me that we haven't really had a chance to get to know one another."  
  
I began unclasping my N7 armor and laying each piece on the dresser, adding my dog tags to the pile. "Sorry I haven't been more chatty. Being passed out for four days really put a damper on my conversational skills," I said sarcastically.  
  
She laughed again. "Oh I know. I tried. Alistair and I both did, actually. And I'm very relieved you're okay. There aren't a whole lot of women to talk to around here, and Wynne hardly counts." After arranging the leather armor on the bed, she pulled me toward her and began dressing me. "Okay, you've got your under armor on properly, which is good. But you have to get the corset tight, like this." She yanked hard, causing me to go into a coughing fit. "Oh, sorry about that. Maybe not that tight. But you need to keep your bits from chaffing."  
  
"My…bits? Seriously?" I tried my best to stand still while I was being tugged, spun, and wrenched into each piece. "No offense, but the body suit I was wearing does a lot better job of protecting those…bits…with a lot more coverage." As she grabbed the grieves, I quickly took them from her grasp. "Stop already. I can manage the rest." I strapped the last of the buckles and cinched the remainder of the ties. "There. Done."  
  
She chuckled. "You poor girl. First Alistair, now me."  
  
I began to gather my N7 suit, piece by piece, in my arms. "What do you mean, 'first Alistair'?"  
  
Theresa hurriedly grabbed what remained on the dresser and ushered me out the door. "Oh, you know Alistair, always hovering like a mother hen. Maybe more like a loyal puppy dog, trying to protect everyone around him. He rescued you and now he thinks of himself like your big brother, especially since you aren't from around here." She continued chattering as we wound our way through the halls toward the entrance of the keep. "As you know, I'm not from around here either. I grew up with the Dalish, so human customs are pretty confusing to me. He's gone out of his way to help me. It's sweet, actually, but it annoys the piss out of Duncan."  
  
"Yeah, sweet," I echoed. That's good, I reasoned. Like a brother. He was just trying to help me. He's probably told half the camp he cares for them 'a great deal'. I should be relieved, but I found myself pushing a slight feeling of jealousy away, forcefully replacing it with images of Kaidan.  
  
The dark corridor finally opened to the main hall, lit by another roaring fire and interspersed with pockets of nervous soldiers waiting for orders. Their loud banter was soon replaced with hushed whispers as we entered, their expressions ranging from curiosity to flat out hostility. I stood my ground and looked each of them in the eye, almost willing someone to approach me for an outlet to my pent up frustrations. Placing my belongings on a nearby table, Theresa turned to me and smiled. "The rumors have been flying about you, as you can imagine, but don't pay them any mind. Alright then, I'm going to fetch you a pack. Wait here, and I'll be right back." Before I could comment further, she quickly disappeared through the crowd.  
  
Probably for the best, the troops soon lost interest in me and resumed their loud assertions of how many more darkspawn they would take down than the next man. After a few minutes of waiting, I spotted Alistair standing near the open entryway and looking anxiously toward the middle of camp. Like a loyal puppy dog, I thought to myself. He suddenly turned and looked directly at me. I averted my gaze, pretending to analyze the finer details of the fireplace. Shortly thereafter, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  
  
"Theresa told me she's getting you a pack. You didn't want to leave you gear behind." I looked over to see Alistair running his fingers over the N7 symbol on my chest plate. "What does that stand for?"  
  
I picked up the scratched and pitted armor and held it up toward the light. "It's my rank. The N stands for special forces, and the seven is my proficiency level."  
  
"I see. And I take it seven is good?"  
  
I nodded slightly. "It's the highest level you can get. So far at least."  
  
"Of course you would be at the highest level," he teased. "And definitely a higher level than your bow and arrow skills."  
  
I laughed. "I have to admit, using a bow and arrow is harder than it looks. Theresa makes it seem effortless, somehow."  
  
Setting his pack on the ground, Alistair began rummaging through it. "I thought you could use something more…fitting of your tenacity. Ah, here they are." Standing to his feet, he handed me two double-edged daggers.  
  
I grasped them firmly, balancing them in each hand. As I ran my finger over the blades, I scoffed. "Thanks a million. These things couldn't slice a tomato."  
  
"It's the best I could do on short notice. And let's just say that while you were covering my ass, as you put it, you came very close to cutting it off. Dull blades may be exactly what you need," he smirked.  
  
I had taken fencing lessons at the academy, but I suppose I was a little out of practice. "You're making fun of my bow and arrow and sword fighting skills now?"  
  
He let out a chuckle that I had come to secretly adore. "That's precisely what I'm saying. And after this battle is over, I'll teach you how to sharpen and wield those properly."  
  
"Learn from you? Maybe I should just stick with the bow and arrow," I chided.  
  
He clutched his chest in mock agony. "Madam, you wound me."  
  
Those remaining in the hall began filing out toward the courtyard, some preparing to take the field while the rest joined ranks with Loghain. Slinging his pack across his back, he turned to leave. "I'm sure Theresa will be here any moment. I'll find you after the battle. Maker watch over you, and stay safe."  
  
My face must have betrayed my alarm. "Wait, where will you be?"  
  
"With the other Grey Wardens, of course. We all need to be there in case the archdemon decides to make a guest appearance."  
  
I stood in stunned silence. Of course he would be with the other Wardens. Where did I expect him to be, and why did I care? I shouldn't, but I did, more than I dared to admit. "Just…please be careful out there, Kaidan. It's going to be more dangerous than any of these men reali…" I stopped in midsentence, dumbfounded at what I had done. Where did that come from? I internally kicked myself.  
  
Alistair raised an eyebrow. "You called me Kaidan? Is that a friend of yours?"  
  
I swallowed hard, realizing there would never be a good time, and the sooner I told him, the better. "I don't know why I called you that. It's only…he's been on my mind a lot lately." _Why is this so hard to say? Just say it, damn it!_ "Kaidan…is my fiancé."  
  
My heart pounded in my chest, and the seconds seemed like an eternity as I waited for him to respond. Alistair opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. After several moments, he let out a reluctant laugh. "Well. That's certainly not me."  
  
I cast my eyes to the ground, holding my hands against my temples. "I'm sorry, Alistair. I'm worried about him and the rest of my crew." I fought back anger and tears that I didn't realize were always right there, always on the verge of exploding to the surface. "I just wish I knew if they're okay. It's killing me not knowing."  
  
"Hey." Stepping toward me, he placed a finger under my chin and raised my gaze to his, smiling warmly. "No need to explain. I understand. I'm sure he's thinking about you just as much."  
  
Looking into his eyes, I felt the pain subside, even if only for an instant, and it endeared him to me all the more. As before, we shared a moment in which time seemed to stand still, and although the room was filled with the din of battle preparations, it was as though we were the only two in the world. Without thinking, I reached my hand out to grasp his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you, Alistair. I'm glad to know I have a friend in you."  
  
And then, the moment was gone. Theresa came running toward us, pack in hand. With her help, I gathered my black armor and slung the sack around my shoulders. She motioned for us to follow her. "Duncan's waiting for us, and we're the last to get orders. Let's go."  
  
We quickly joined the leader of the Grey Wardens who was standing alone by a large bonfire, the smoke blocking out the stars and creating a haze around him that made him seem all the more daunting. "Shepard, you're making a habit of being late." He cast a sideways glance at Alistair, continuing before I could respond. "Alistair and Theresa, you will be the ones to light the signal. It will be the farthest away from the horde."  
  
Stunned, Alistair shook his head in disagreement. "What? We won't be in the battle? I'm a Grey Warden, as is Theresa. We should be fighting alongside the other Grey Wardens."  
  
Duncan's tone made it clear that these orders pained him to give almost as much as it pained Alistair to receive them. "That is not your choice. This is a personal request from the King. Shepard, I want you to go with them. Your safety will be more assured with them to protect you." He turned to Alistair and Theresa. "Shepard may be the answer to winning this war. In that way, your task may be the most important of all."  
  
"If it's me they want, I should be as far away from all of you as possible," I stated. "I don't want anyone risking their lives to protect me."  
  
"We don't have time to argue. The battle has begun." Duncan looked toward the troops, envisioning the bloodshed he knew was fast approaching. "You are the only ones for the task. We must do whatever it takes to destroy the darkspawn, exciting or no."  
  
Apparently Alistair knew when to stop pressing an issue. "Fine, fine. But just to be clear, if the King ever asks me to put on a dress and dance in the Remigold, I'm drawing the line. Darkspawn or no."  
  
I laughed and leaned toward Theresa. "I'd like to see that," I whispered to her.  
  
He grinned at us mischievously. "For you two, maybe. But it has to be a pretty dress."  
  
Despite my best efforts, this man was growing on me.  
  
Already surrounded by the sound of steel and battle cries, we headed for the Tower of Ishal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we'll start calling this Alishep. I know, she's with Kaidan. I TOTALLY KNOW. Don't worry. Bear with me.
> 
> Theresa cracks me up. What can I say, I write her as a total rogue.
> 
> And then there's Alistair dancing in a dress at the Remigold because that scene is just priceless. Had to leave that in there. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and thank you SO MUCH for your encouraging comments! They mean the world to me!


	13. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and Vega finally make it to Ostegar with Morrigan's help, but what will they find there?

"Do you benevolently guide strangers to hazardous places often?" Vega inquired of their new traveling companion as he followed Morrigan's tracks along the densely forested trail.  
  
"Only the most foolish ones," she called back.  
  
Kaidan scanned the trees surrounding them, relying on his omnitool for bearings. "Vega makes a habit of not watching where he's going."  
  
Morrigan parted branches before her, careful to keep to the outskirts of the swampy marsh. "Indeed. If I had not stopped you, I am fairly certain your lungs would be full of mud at this moment."  
  
Vega cleared his throat sheepishly. "Right. Thank you for that, by the way. After everything my boy here and I have been through, it'd just be embarrassing to die by mud pit."  
  
After hours of steady walking, they came to an open glade covered with overarching branches, the orange light of dusk filtering through the leaves that rustled in the breeze. In the middle of the clearing was a small group of darkspawn that had broken from the rest of the horde.  
  
Kaidan leaned over to Vega as he unholstered his rifle. "I think we should try to go around. We don't want to alert anyone that we're here." Before he could relay the message to Morrigan, however, she had already sauntered out of the cover of the trees and was heading straight toward the danger. "Shit. There goes that plan."  
  
Before they had a chance to flank the enemy, Morrigan had readied her staff and from its tip, cast a lightning bolt of icy fire that caught their adversaries off guard, killing one instantly. Using his biotics, Kaidan lifted the nearest darkspawn off its feet while Vega riddled the monster with percussive rounds. It fell to the forest floor, lifeless. A hurlock was closing in on Morrigan, its mace lifted high, but before it had the chance, Kaidan threw a barrier between Morrigan and the oncoming blow. He finished the job with explosive shots aimed at the creature's head, knocking it to the ground in a heap. The third fell prey to Vega's omniblade, scorching a giant gash through its abdomen.  
  
"Damn, those things are nasty!" Vega yelled.  
  
Kaidan ran to Morrigan's side. "What were you thinking? They would have killed you!"  
  
Sheathing her staff, Morrigan calmly brushed the dirt from her clothing. "I was curious to see how you would respond," she replied. "You have magic I've never seen before. 'Tis quite impressive."  
  
Kaidan's senses were on high alert, waiting for signs of more darkspawn. "You're the second person to tell me that. It's not magic. And don't test me like that again." He turned to Morrigan and gave a nod toward her staff. "What about you? Was that magic?"  
  
"If it's any consolation, you passed the test," she chided. "And yes, I am a mage, and a powerful enough one to take care of myself."  
  
Vega shouted from across the clearing as he swiftly backed up toward them, shotgun in hand. "More on the way! I suggest we move. Now!"  
  
"Already we stand on the outskirts of battle," Morrigan stated solemnly. "Come, Ostegar is not far. Let us hope we are not mistaken for enemies."

* * *

As we made our way to the Tower of Ishal, Alistair looked back to watch Duncan, sword unsheathed, quickly run toward the sound of clashing steel and the other Grey Wardens. Anxiously fiddling with his pommel, he sighed deeply. "I should be with them. This is ludicrous."  
  
Theresa patted his shoulder reassuringly. "You can complain to him yourself soon enough, but only if we get that beacon lit. Chin up, Alistair."  
  
Squinting through the smoke to the tower in the distance, I absentmindedly felt for my tags in the hidden pocket of my corset and found it empty instead. I stopped in my tracks, frantically opening my satchel and dumping its contents in the dirt. "No, no, no. I didn't. I couldn't." I groaned as my companions leaned over next to me.  
  
"What is it?" Alistair asked, frustration in his tone. "Theresa's right, we need to get that beacon lit and soon, or those soldiers down there will be slaughtered."  
  
I quickly stuffed my armor back into the bag. "I lost something. I must have dropped it when I changed back into this armor. I can't leave it behind, I have to go back and look for it." How could I have possibly forgotten it? Going back through the paces in my mind, I could have sworn I picked it up when we exited to the main hall. A soldier never leaves their tags, and I didn't go through hell and back to lose Kaidan's ring.  
  
Alistair grabbed my arm and held it fast. "What? Are you crazy? There's no time!"  
  
The sound of howls and battle cries were filling the air. "Look, there aren't any darkspawn in the camp, and besides, does it really take three people to light a beacon? Just let me go back and I'll catch up with you."  
  
Theresa shook her head. "No, we were given orders to protect you above all else. That's not an option." Laying a hand on both Alistair and I, she implored us to stand down. "Shepard, what was it you lost?"  
  
My heart pounding, torn between a duty I didn't ask for and my own selfishness, I confessed. "A necklace with two silver tags and a ring. My engagement ring." It might be all I have left of him, I thought.  
  
Theresa's eyes grew wide. "A ring of engagement? That does sound important." Turning toward the main hall, she took off in a dash. "Meet you at the tower!"  
  
"What? No, wait!" I cried, but she either didn't hear me or chose not to. _Stubborn, just like me._ Alistair was tugging me toward the tower as I called after her. "Damn it, Theresa, be careful! And thank you!" Pulling my arm out of his grasp, I sprinted ahead of him across the stone bridge as arrows flew overhead.  
  
"Let's make up for lost time!"  
  
He quickly caught up to me, chastising me as we ran side by side. "You lost a ring of engagement? What does that even do, exactly? If anything happens to Theresa because of this, I swear…"  
  
As I concentrated on my breathing to keep pace, I reprimanded myself. "I know." That's all I could manage to say. I couldn't believe how gullible I was to fall for that trick. While I still held out hope an Alliance ship would pick up my tags' signal at some point, it definitely wasn't worth putting Theresa at risk. I prayed she wouldn't run into danger just as Alistair and I stumbled upon our own.  
  
"Maker's breath…" We came to the end of the bridge to find darkspawn filling the courtyard in front of the tower. A small contingent was fighting for their lives but it was clear they were overwhelmed. Drawing his sword, Alistair ran into the fray, slicing his way toward the weary soldiers. A familiar surge of adrenalin shot through me, and my battle instincts kicked into overdrive. With daggers in hand, I flanked to the left to circle the darkspawn, hacking through the crude metal armor and gutting a hurlock from behind, slashing his spinal column. I put my boot against his back as he fell, wrenching my blade from his midsection. In the same motion, I circled quickly, weapons outstretched, spinning two deadly cuts into a genlock's neck. With bloody bodies at our feet, Alistair quickly knelt down to assess the soldiers' wounds. "Are you alright? What happened here?"  
  
"We're fine. You showed up just in time." They slowly stood as Alistair helped them to their feet, clearly shaken. "We were on our way to join the others when we noticed the main east gates were broken open and the patrolmen were all dead. We tried to close them, but they're too badly damaged. Most of the darkspawn went straight into that tower there."  
  
"Darkspawn in the camp? That means Theresa may be in danger as well," Alistair said in alarm.  
  
"I don't think so," I replied. "The other gates are secure and we didn't let any darkspawn get through us. She's probably the safest of all of us. But just to be sure…" I turned to the men whose lives we had just saved. "We have a comrade across the bridge in the main keep. Her name is Theresa. Please find her and make sure she's safe." Clasping their fists to their chests, the two soldiers bowed slightly. "Of course, m'lady."  
  
Pulling my pistol from my bag, I racked the slide and fastened its holster to my thigh. "Are you ready, Alistair? I'll take point." Although guilty for feeling so, I was eager to fight. So much frustration and too many days stuck in this fortress had wound me too tightly, and this was exactly what I needed.  
  
Alistair nodded reluctantly. "Let's go."

* * *

Running swiftly through the glade, Morrigan slipped through the dense trees with Kaidan and Vega close behind. The sound of pursuit was fading in the distance, the quarry apparently not worth the effort. Kaidan was the first to notice his omnitool blinking orange with a pending update. Glancing downward as he ran, he quickly scanned the output:  
  
**COMMANDER A. SHEPARD LOCATION SYNC LOST.  
  
NAVIGATING TO LAST KNOWN LOCATION.**  
  
"Damn it." Judging by the look on his face, Vega must have received the same notification. Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Kaidan wordlessly sprinted ahead of the group, forcing them to pick up the pace. He didn't come this far to lose her now, and he was willing to rip the entire stronghold from its foundation to get to her. With each step they took, so grew his sense of urgency. They were running out of time, and it wasn't long before the sounds of the main battle reached their ears. Shortly thereafter, the stone ramparts of Ostegar towered before them, foreboding in the dying light of their fifth day away from the Normandy.  
  
Vega eyed his omnitool, then gazed up at the formidable fortress. "Her last location is only a couple of stone throws from here if this damn wall wasn't in the way."  
  
"We're on the east side now. According to our scans, there's a gate this way." Kaidan pointed north, rifle at the ready. Turning to Morrigan, he gave her a curt nod. "Thank you for your help getting us this far, but there's no need for you to continue on with us. We don't have a way to repay you, but we wish you well."  
  
Vega echoed the sentiment. "Gracias for saving me back there. I owe you one."  
  
And with that, Kaidan and Vega walked on through the tall grass, intending to leave the mage behind.  
  
"I doubt the gates will be wide open to invite guests during a battle," Morrigan commented as she followed the pair, hugging the rough stone to remain out of sight of any archers on the parapets. "Besides, I would very much like to meet this Shepard of whom you speak."  
  
"You sure you want to come with us?" Kaidan asked. "No more jumping in front of darkspawn, then." They marched on in silence, soon arriving at what they presumed used to be the east gate.  
  
"Holy shit," Vega whispered. A thick log that had served to bar the entrance to the fortress was split in half, charred around the edges. There was a gaping hole where the sturdy gate once stood, leading directly into an empty courtyard beyond. "Well, that can't be good."  
  
Using his omnitool, Kaidan scanned the area as they cautiously entered the stronghold, hearing the far off echoes of clashing steel in the distance. Darkspawn corpses littered the area along with a few dead soldiers, and ahead of them loomed a massive tower. As they watched from the shadows, they could barely make out a man and a woman, crude weapons in hand, climbing the steps and disappearing through its open doorway.  
  
Kaidan looked toward the direction of the battle cries. "We need to get across that bridge."  
  
Leaning over two dead soldiers, Morrigan began to strip them of their armor. Vega reached down to stop her. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
  
"If you want to make it to the other side, you will need to blend in." She threw gauntlets and grieves at their feet, continuing to unclasp the buckles of the nearest dead man's chestplate.  
  
"Oh hell no. Major, please no."  
  
Kaidan agreed with Vega. "There's no time. These men are too preoccupied with darkspawn to notice us. We'll risk it." Without giving Morrigan a chance to reply, he motioned to Vega to follow as he kept to the shadows and made his way along the bridge, following the omnitool's blinking orange arrow deeper into Ostegar.

* * *

"Necklace, necklace…" With torch in hand, Theresa was anxiously retracing her steps from the main hall, hoping to see a glint of silver on the floor of the poorly lit hallway. Entering Shepard's quarters, she rummaged through dressers, searched under side tables, and looked between bed sheets. It was no use. She would have to return later to do a more thorough search. After one last peek under the bed, Theresa stood to her feet and turned to leave. Who she saw in the doorway caused her to jump in alarm. A man outfitted in strange blue armor had an unfamiliar weapon trained on her heart. She gasped sharply, her torch clattering to the stone floor as she instinctively drew her bow, aiming an arrow straight at the assailant's throat.  
  
The man spoke in a soft voice. "Calm down. We're not going to hurt you." He holstered his weapon and held his hands up for her to see.  
  
Theresa took a step back, placing the dresser between her and the trespasser. "You have five seconds to answer me before you pick this arrow out of your windpipe. Who are you and how did you get in here?"  
  
He slowly stepped forward into the dying firelight. "Do you know a woman named Shepard?"  
  
Keeping her distance, Theresa circled her target warily. "Who's asking?"  
  
"My name is Kaidan Alenko. She's a friend of ours, and we've been looking for her for several days now." His voice had notes of urgency and concern. He didn't hurt her when he had the chance, but that didn't mean she trusted them.  
  
"What do you mean 'we'? Who else is with you?"  
  
Another man wearing dull grey armor peeked through the door with hands raised. "Just me. Name's Vega. Another friend." He scrutinized the room, mouth agape at the bathtub full of murky water. "Wow. I mean, wow. Talk about the stone ages."  
  
With her bow still taut, her aim flitted back and forth between the two strangers. "Okay, then prove it. Tell me something about Shepard only a friend would know."  
  
"She's alive? She's here? You do know her, then? Where is she? Is she alright?" Kaidan was firing off questions in rapid succession as he approached Theresa in his excitement, causing her to draw her arrow back another inch in warning, the wood of the bow creaking in response. Meanwhile, Vega was pondering his response to her inquiry. "Shepard loves my tacos. Does that count?"  
  
Caught off guard, Theresa lowered her arrow slightly. "Your…what?"  
  
"You know, tacos. Oh God, don't tell me you've never had a taco," Vega lamented.  
  
She was at a loss. They clearly weren't from this realm; their armor and weapons looked similar to Shepard's. If these people were really her friends, Theresa had to lead them to her. If they were on the wrong side of Shepard's war, on the other hand, she was sworn to protect her. Suddenly, Kaidan's voice pierced through her indecision. "How about this one? I'm Shepard's fiancé."  
  
"Her fiancé? How come she never mentioned you then?"  
  
The man's expression turned to puzzlement. "Really? Not even once?" He turned to his companion, clearly wondering what to do next.  
  
"Uh, okay," the grey one retorted. "When she gets pissed off, she likes to stand like this…" He leaned on one leg and crossed his arms over his chest. "And she says things like, 'I'll be damned if' and 'Shut up, Vega'. Well, maybe that last one's a little too specific."  
  
Theresa relaxed slightly. "Okay. One last test. If you're truly Shepard's fiancé, tell me, what color are her nickers?"  
  
The blue one cleared his throat, running his fingers through his thick hair, while the grey one laughed aloud. "Her nickers? You mean her unmentionables? Kaidan, that's an easy one for you, buddy."  
  
Kaidan turned to face Theresa, looking her dead in the eye and replying in slow staccato. "Black…lace."  
  
Theresa let out a deep breath as she relaxed her grip on the bow, letting her arrow fall. "Ugh, good. I didn't want to fight you. You really are her friends, right? Because if I find out this is a trap, I'm a very good shot."  
  
Kaidan extended his hand to her. "Really. You can trust us. Now please, do you know where she is?"  
  
Slinging her bow around her shoulder, Theresa took his hand in hers and shook it. "Yes, I was with her a short while ago. She sent me here to look for a necklace with some silver tags and a ring of engagement. In all of the chaos, she must have dropped them, but I can't find them anywhere." She led them back through the doorway and down the echoing corridors. "I can't wait to find out what that ring engages, exactly. Anyway, she and Alistair were heading to the tower east of here. But don't worry, it's safe there. That gate is very secure."  
  
Kaidan's face twisted into a fierce grimace as the men exchanged glances. "I wouldn't be so sure about that," Vega replied. "That gate is how we got in here. It's been busted open and lots of creepy crawlies were laying around with their guts on display."  
  
Theresa's eyes went wide. "Oh no, that's terrible news. I need to get back to that tower!" Beckoning them onward, she sprinted through the main hall toward the bridge. "Come on, hurry!"  
  
Kaidan gripped Vega's shoulder like a vice as realization dawned on him. "We never told Morrigan Shepard's name. How did she know who we were looking for?"  
  
"Where did that witch go to after we left her?" Vega muttered through clenched teeth. "And that woman going into the tower. Damn it, Kaidan, she was right in front of us. That woman was Shepard."

* * *

Morrigan watched the two men leave her behind for a mad dash across the stone bridge toward what she knew would be a fruitless venture. What happened to them next mattered not to her. She had led them through the marshes as her mother requested, and now that task was done. Standing to her feet, she calmly walked up the steps to the tower, careful to avoid the pools of darkspawn blood. Casting her eyes to the sky as her body melted into the form of a raven, she flew to the tower's peak to await Shepard's impending arrival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So close! And yet so far away...
> 
> Will they meet before it's too late? *nail biting*
> 
> Thank you so much for your reviews, kudoses (I don't know the plural of kudos!), and your encouragement. You guys are the best readers a gal could ask for!


	14. Discovery

“Let’s go.”    
  
Alistair’s voice was shaky at best, trying to keep a façade of composure as he followed me into the tower.  I knew this was far from the plan; lighting the beacon was supposed to be the easy job, the safe place to be.  Something went very wrong, but there was no time to do anything other than forge ahead.  
  
For all of his bravado, I could tell by his wobbly legs that Alistair was inexperienced in true combat situations.  A few skirmishes, sure, but life and death?  That was another situation entirely.  A sheen of sweat coated his face, now thoroughly drained of blood.  
  
The doors of the tower were splintered open, swaying crazily on their hinges.  Dim torchlight lit the inner hall, and we entered with baited breath.  Seeing no darkspawn yet, I sheathed my daggers and pulled him into the shadows by his forearm.  I beckoned him to lean in close as I whispered instructions.  “I’ll take point, you guard the rear.  We’ll get through this if we work together.”  Alistair nodded, his nose briefly touching mine.  His breathing was ragged, and I realized that if he were pushed too hard, he would black out.  That would be the end of us both.  
  
“I need you to take a few deep breaths for me, okay?  In through the nose, out through the mouth.”  It was a technique with two-fold purpose: to dispel his light-headedness and divert his mind from what lay ahead.  I tightened my grip on his arm, forcing him to focus.  “Come on, Alistair, look at me.  In through the nose...”  He inhaled deeply, his chest expanding against mine.  “Good.  Out through the mouth.”  Exhaling sharply, I felt his breath, hot and moist, against my face.  His legs buckled and he grasped my shoulders to keep from falling.  Guiding my arms under his, I propped him against the wall to hold him upright.  “Again.”  He repeated the ritual, concentrating intensely on the movement of my lips as I repeated the instructions.  “One more time.  We’ll do it together.”  Taking a deep breath and letting it out, our shoulders rose and fell as one.  Slowly, color was returning to his face.  “Excellent.  How are you feeling?  Can you stand?”  
  
He swallowed hard, taking one last deep breath.  “I’m fine, I think.  I can fight.”  
  
I smiled warmly, trying to lend him my own strength.  “There are likely too many darkspawn for us to face head-on.  We’ll sneak around them where we can.”  Releasing my hold on him, I armed my daggers once again as we made our way into the darkness ahead.

* * *

Kaidan’s heart was pounding out of his chest.  
  
_She’s alive.  Alive, here!  How is that possible?_  This had to be some cruel trick, a dream from which he would awaken at any moment.  No matter how fast he ran, it seemed as though his legs were moving against an invisible current.  
  
_She’s in danger._  The thought of her overwhelmed by darkspawn in this hell hole brought a fury out of him that he rarely felt, even when battling the Reapers.   _And if Morrigan lays a hand on her, so help me…_  
  
As they came upon the bridge, they were spotted by two soldiers running toward them with the same urgency they sprinted with themselves.  Waving their arms, they called out for them to halt, which Theresa obeyed much to Kaidan’s frustration.  He almost kept on going alone, but he knew their odds with the elf were much greater than without her.  It was a wonder they made it across the bridge the first time without being stopped, and they’d be pushing their luck crossing it again without an escort.  
  
“Wait!  Are you Theresa?” the men asked through gasping breaths.  
  
The elf greeted them curtly while visibly showing her impatience.  “Yes?  What is it?”  
  
“A man and a woman sent us back for you, to make sure you were safe.  Darkspawn have broken through the east gate and…” His words trailed off as he stared wide eyed and open mouthed at Kaidan and James.  “Who…where…”  
  
Theresa dismissed his stammering with a wave.  “They’re with me.  Reinforcements from Orlais.  You know their crazy fashion choices, am I right?”  The soldiers were nonplussed, but she continued unabated.  “Yes, well, we’ll need your sword arms, so if you’d kindly follow us back to the tower, we’d be most grateful.”  She turned them both on their heels and gave them a shove in the direction they had come, running ahead of them to lead the pack.  Confusion clearly etched on their faces, they had little choice but to follow as Kaidan and James brought up the rear.  
  
Running side by side, Vega spoke loud enough for only Kaidan to hear.  “When we find her, we need to get her out of there and find a command console for Earth.  The sooner we can leave the middle of this fight, the better.”  
  
While Kaidan agreed, he knew it wouldn’t be that simple.  “If Shepard is caught up in this somehow, she won’t back down.  We both know that.”  He thought back to all of the crazy, dangerous, time-consuming side missions she’d readily take on for any crew member that had personal problems to settle. Reminders from him that these small acts put her in jeopardy were immediately scorned.  This was the one area in which she couldn’t be reasoned with.  It’s important to resolve conflicts, good for morale and increases loyalty, she would say.  In reality, he knew her better than that.  If there was a way she could make a difference, even if it was none of her damn business, she wouldn’t think twice about recklessly throwing herself into the fray for it.  It drove him crazy, but it made her the woman she was.  
  
“I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, no pun intended,” Vega replied grimly.

* * *

Morrigan ascended to an open window atop the tower, landing on the sill with a flutter of her wings.  A pyre was built in the fireplace with torches at the ready, and the room was empty save for one she knew too well.  
  
“How good of you to join me, my dear.”  Seated on a nearby stool, Flemeth stared intently at the closed door across the room.  In her hand, she held a pair of silver tags and one seamless ring, which she rubbed between her fingers absentmindedly.  “Did you do as I asked?”  
  
Morrigan returned to her human form.  “You know I did, Mother.”  
  
The edges of Flemeth’s mouth briefly turned upward.  “Good.  They should all be along shortly.”  
  
Trying to conceal her confusion, Morrigan raised an eyebrow.  “If reuniting them is what you wanted, I could have led them here from the beginning.”  
  
“Oh no, that would not do.”  Flemeth rose from her seat, taking slow steps toward the heavy wooden doors.  “The Savior needed to be in the tower first.  She would otherwise have abandoned her purpose and left with her kin.  But now…” Flemeth allowed herself a true smile.  “Now she is resolute.”  
  
Morrigan turned her nose up at the term her mother had used, pulled from the prophesy of a savior to come and end the Blights once and for all.  “And her ‘kin’?  What of them?”  
  
“The one called Kaidan is determined to find her, whatever the cost.  He is relentless.  Trying to stop him now would cause more harm in the end.”  The white haired witch turned to face her daughter.  “But we must not allow him to interfere in the Savior’s cause, or we are all lost.”  Flemeth tucked the silver necklace in her tunic as she cast wide the wooden doors and descended the stone staircase to the hall below.  “Come.  She and the Grey Warden cannot stand alone in this fight.  Not yet.”

* * *

Upon crossing the threshold of the first floor’s main hall, we counted ten darkspawn lying in wait.  Fortunately, it was becoming apparent that these creatures were as stupid as they were ugly.  Sticking to the shadows, we managed to skirt the room’s parameter and arrive on the other side without incident.  Slipping through the doorway, we quickly ascended the stairs leading to the second floor and quietly barred the large wooden door behind us.  We both let out a long-held breath.  
  
“Well done, Alistair,” I whispered.  “One floor down, just a few more to go.”  
  
His glance strayed down the long stone corridor, betraying his anxiety.  “Getting there is one thing.  Getting back out will be another entirely.”  
  
I held his arm fast.  “One step at a time.  I’ve been in much worse situations than this.  We’ll figure it out.  Together.”  
  
Continuing down the dark hall, we came to a halt in front of a closed door.  As I pressed my ear against it, I could hear movement on the other side.    
  
“You should know I can sense darkspawn,” Alistair said faintly.  “And there are a lot of them on the other side of that door.”  
  
I stood up straight, cocking my head to the side and crossing my arms over my chest.  “You can what now?”  
  
He threw his hands in the air.  “What I just said.  I can sense darkspawn, feel them when they’re close.  It’s part of being a Grey Warden.”  
  
“That would have been nice to know earlier,” I chided.  I pursed my lips, thinking of what our next move should be.  More darkspawn, and we’d likely have to fight our way through this time.  I became keenly aware of the fact that the light armor I was wearing exposed too much of my chest and legs for my liking.  Setting down my daggers, I threw my pack on the ground and removed my leather boots, working next on unbuckling my skirt.  
  
Alistair’s eyes shot open in alarm.  “What in Andraste’s name are you doing?” he stammered, his mouth gaping open like a landed fish.  
  
“What I’m wearing is completely useless in close combat.  I need my own armor.”  I removed the skirt quickly, letting it fall to the ground and exposing the black lace underneath.  Alistair blanched and turned his back toward me, unsure what to do.   _Oh good Lord,_ I thought.  I was too used to sharing close quarters and coed shower rooms with the crew of the SR-1.  Reaching around to untie my leather corset, I cursed under my breath at how tightly Theresa had tied it.  “Shit.  Alistair, I need your help.”  
  
Slowly facing me once again, I noticed his eyes were closed.  “Maker’s breath…what?” he stuttered.  
  
“Theresa tied this damn corset so tightly that I can’t undo it.  I need you to unlace me.”  Turning away to give him access to the ties, I looked over my shoulder to see him locked in indecision.  “Alistair, this is _really_ not the place to be worrying about modesty.”  
  
Catching his sigh of resignation, I soon felt his hands fumbling at my sides, and I realized his eyes must still be closed.  Shortly thereafter, I felt a tug on the strings at my lower back, lightly at first, then a bit harder.  “You’re going to need to open your eyes.  She knotted it.  Hurry it up back there.”  
  
I heard him take a deep breath and kneel for a better look.  Truth be told, I was blushing myself at this point, picturing him on his knees behind me, concentrating on the task at hand.  If Kaidan were to see us like this…  
  
“There, done.”  Standing swiftly, Alistair resumed his previous position as he pressed his forehead against the nearest stone wall.  “Maker’s breath,” I heard him mutter again.  
  
“Thanks.”  Finishing the job, I swiftly put on the familiar armor that was like a second skin.  An impenetrable Kevlar-ceramic skin impervious to penetration, that is.  This was exactly what I needed to go against the crude swords and arrows of the darkspawn, and I internally thanked God that I had demanded to bring it along.  Holstering my gun and cramming the leather pieces into my pack, I tapped Alistair lightly on the shoulder.  He jumped at my touch, refusing to turn around.  
  
“I’m finished.  Let’s go.”  
  
“I…I’ll be right behind you.”  
  
“Are you okay?  Light-headed again?”  
  
He coughed lightly.  “Not…exactly.  Just go.  I’ll follow.”  
  
Blood rushed to my face as I realized the unintended effect of my demand for his aid.  Now I felt like the ridiculous one.  Someone like Vega wouldn’t have given my request another thought.  But Alistair wasn’t one of my crew, and he certainly wasn’t from a place that took anything lightly.  I had to remember that.  
  
Slinging my pack over my shoulders, I took one last look at Alistair before opening the wooden door and peering into the dimly lit room beyond to find the fight had already begun.

* * *

“We’re here, finally.”  Theresa took in the sight of darkspawn and soldiers littered around the open courtyard.  “Creators, how did this happen?”  
  
Kaidan took the steps to the tower’s entrance three at a time with Vega close behind.  “It hardly matters now!  We’re going in!”  
  
“Hey, wait up!”  Theresa and the two soldiers were at their heels as they crossed the threshold into the dark hallway beyond.  As Kaidan drew his rifle, he ran to the far side of the room, placing his back against the wall before peeking his head into the chamber beyond.  Several darkspawn stood in silence, sentinels instructed to kill anything that came across their path.  There was no sign of Shepard.  
  
The others caught up to him swiftly, panting for breath as they contemplated their next move.  With shotgun at the ready, Vega motioned for them to take point while the soldiers followed behind.  Theresa would focus on ranged attacks.  Nodding once, Kaidan held up three fingers…two…one…  
  
They roared into the main hall of the tower with suppressive fire.  Armed with shredder rounds, three targets were felled instantly as the ammunition pierced their crude armor, exploding to rip their insides apart.  The swordsmen followed shortly thereafter, shields raised, cutting a path through their adversaries.  A hail of arrows struck two hurlocks in the eyes and neck, bringing them to their knees as blood gushed from their mortal wounds.  Their heads were unsanctimoniously removed by broadsword to finish the job.  It didn’t take long to make a clean sweep of the room, although clean was the last word Kaidan would use to describe it.  Covered in dark flecks of blood and gagging at the smell, he didn’t take time to bask in their victory.  He was desperate to find the woman he loved, and as each moment passed, he imagined her taking one more step further away from him.  
  
Reloading his weapon, Kaidan made his way up the narrow stone staircase to the wooden door above.  He pushed, but it wouldn’t give way.  He slammed his shoulder against it, crying out in frustration.  “Shepard!  Shepard, can you hear me?  It’s Kaidan!”  He received nothing but silence from the other side.  Vega added his strength to the cause, attempting to use his omniblade to cut through the thick timber.  
  
“God damn it, it’s barred from the other side.  Alenko, move.  I have an idea.”  As Kaidan backed out of the way, Vega pulled a cartridge of inferno rounds from his bandolier.  “Guess what I bought as my pity prize after you cleaned me out at the poker table the other night?”  He loaded them into his shotgun and pumped the action.  “These blow through anything.  Let’s just hope Shepard isn’t right on the other side.”  
  
Theresa joined them at the top of the stairs.  “She isn’t.  On the other side, I mean.”  
  
Both men looked at her quizzically.  “And how would you know that?  She could be passed out or something.”  
  
“I, well…” She bit her lower lip nervously, shifting her weight from one foot to another.  “Duncan swore me to secrecy…”  
  
Kaidan was running a deficit on patience.  “Not the right answer.  Shepard’s life may depend on this.  Talk.”  
  
Theresa glared at him before continuing.  “Just let me finish.  But that was before this complete disaster happened.”  She looked from Kaidan to James.  “I’m a Grey Warden, and as Wardens, we can sense darkspawn.  For some reason, we can sense Shepard, too.”    
  
Kaidan’s brow furrowed at her explanation.  “What the hell does that mean?”  
  
Theresa grasped for the words to properly describe the concept.  “When she’s about 20 paces away, I can feel her.  It’s hard to explain, but it’s like a tingling on my spine that grows warmer as she gets closer.  And I don’t feel it now.  So either she’s not on the other side of that door, or she’s de…”  
  
“Don’t…say it,” Kaidan growled, his eyes burning a hole through her.  Her teeth clicked together as she clamped her mouth shut.  Turning to his lieutenant, he gave the order.  “Vega, do it.”

* * *

Morrigan followed her mother at a distance, watching in begrudging admiration as Flemeth bested any foe in her way as easily as swatting flies.  
  
“I do believe you could have been a formidable challenge to the entire horde, Mother,” Morrigan stated blandly.  
  
She received a sideways glare in response.  “These darkspawn are few in number and spread apart.  But I don’t mind you believing that, Morrigan.”  
  
Descending another staircase to the second floor of the tower, Flemeth acquiesced to her daughter.  “Your turn, my dear.  Show me how formidable _you_ can be.”  
  
Another lesson, Morrigan thought.  Always another lesson that usually ended in pain.  But she knew she had no choice.  Giving Flemeth a wide berth, she entered the nearest chamber with staff drawn and ready as her mother stood back, observing her student.  Lining up her aim with a group of several grimlocks, she thrust her staff forward, casting a spell that locked them in ice.  As the rest of the darkspawn turned on her, she transformed into an elephant, charging headlong into them and knocking them hard against the stone walls.  She crushed them with every step and broke their bones with her tusks as they surrounded her, stabbing her thick hide as she cried out in pain.  Briefly, she wondered if her mother would intervene, but Morrigan knew better.  She would have to be much closer to death for that to happen.  
  
She charged through the latest throng, flinging the creatures from her back and flanking them from the other side.  Changing back into her human form, she electrocuted the last of them with the remainder of her strength before leaning against her weapon and collapsing to one knee, two deep cuts on her back bleeding freely.  Burning with a bright, white light as if also throbbing from her wounds, her staff flickered and finally went dark.  
  
Clapping slowly, her mother sauntered toward her.  “Well done.  No finesse as usual, but you accomplished your goal.”  Kneeling by Morrigan’s side, she placed her hands on her daughter’s wounds, healing her from the inside out.  “Now, stand up, girl, for you’re about to meet the Savior of the world.”  
  
Using her staff for leverage, Morrigan slowly drew herself up to her feet.  She turned to see a man in typical Ferelden battle armor standing beside a woman Morrigan already recognized.  Dressed in black like an angel of death, Shepard stepped into the light with a look of shock on her face.  “It’s you,” she murmured.  But she wasn’t looking at her.  She was staring straight at Flemeth.  Before Morrigan could wonder further at Shepard’s strange comment, a large boom caused the floor to tremble slightly as wafts of smoke appeared from the hallway beyond.  
  
Then Morrigan saw another she recognized all too well, as did Shepard by her expression.    
  
Kaidan Alenko burst into the chamber through the haze of smoke, his rifle at the ready, his blue armor covered in blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's high time to start an Amalgamation score. While about anything from Two Steps from Hell would do, for the Battle of Ostegar, it's got to be DARK AGES. And please, let me know what you think of the chapter! I appreciate all of your thoughts!


	15. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and Shepard reunite for the first time since coming to Thedas, and Shepard's reaction isn't what you'd expect.

As soon as I opened the door, I knew we would be walking into the fray.  But the last thing I expected was to see a gigantic elephant maiming, crushing, and ripping darkspawn limb from limb.  “What the hell?” I exclaimed.  Good God, how could this place get any weirder?  
  
Alistair followed me into the room and we lingered in the shadows of the nearest corner, unsure what to do next.  After the incident with my corset, I was honestly grateful for the absurd distraction.  “Do towers typically house elephants around here?” I whispered to him.  
  
He shook his head, eyes wide.  “Not unless I slept through that part during the Chantry lectures.  But it doesn’t change the fact we need to get to that beacon.  It may already be too late.”  
  
Shit, the beacon.  That’s what we’re here for.  I’d nearly forgotten in the unexpected chaos.  None of this was making sense.  The tower conquered by the enemy, this giant animal fighting off darkspawn… _am I dreaming right now, trapped in the Fade?  How could I possibly know for sure?_  
  
After a few minutes, the beast became overwhelmed, darkspawn piling on its back in an effort to take it down.  While I flirted with the idea of killing a few of the creatures lingering around the outskirts, getting involved would likely get us both killed by the rampaging elephant instead.  
  
Just when I thought it couldn’t be a stranger sight, I witnessed the mammoth shape-shift before my eyes into the form of a woman, an oaken staff in hand and raven hair matted with blood.  With the last of her strength, she threw the staff forward, lightning bolts streaking from its tip to hit the remainder of the enemies surrounding her.  The blast charred them from the inside out.  Smoke rose from their blackened bodies and she collapsed to the ground, victorious, but with her bare back gashed wide open.   _How the hell did she do that?  Some kind of strange eezo tech?_  As I was about to reveal our position in order to aid her, another woman stepped into view, clapping as if she had just witnessed a theatrical performance.  Seeing her struck a strange chord in me; I recognized her, but from where?    
  
“Well done.  No finesse as usual, but you accomplished your goal.”  She knelt by the girl’s side and placed her hands on the wounds, healing them instantly.   _Incredible.  What kind of power is that?  Biotic?  Is that how they healed me?_ I wondered.  
  
“Now, stand up, girl, for you’re about to meet the Savior of the world.”  
  
Something clicked in my mind.   _Now I know…_  
  
I stepped out of the shadows and into the torchlight.  “It’s you…" This woman, deep wrinkles underscoring her strong features, hair white against her tan skin, self-assured.  The one who intervened, who fought for my life in the Fade.  She, with shield and sword in hand who rescued me from the beast that sought to ensnare me there forever.  The woman who had saved my life.  Seeing her here sent a shock through me as memories of being desperately trapped in the Fade flooded back.  I had been so convinced I was back home, nestled in Kaidan’s warm embrace when in actuality, I was being held fast by a demon bent on destroying my soul.  I shuddered at the memory; I hadn’t yet been able to face the fact that the experience had shaken me to my core, stolen a piece of me that I had no idea how to retrieve.  How could I ever be the same woman after that nightmare?  How could I be sure about anything anymore?  
  
I had so many questions to ask her.  In the Fade, how did she know who I was?  Why did she intervene?  How did she succeed where the most powerful of Circle mages failed?  Why was she here, now?  All of these questions, and no time to ask them.  
  
Before I could begin to unravel what had just transpired, a loud explosion caused the floor to tremble and dust to unsettle from the stone walls.  Smoke poured from the hallway Alistair and I had just occupied, and I gritted my teeth.  The darkspawn had found a way through the barred door, and from the sound of it, there was going to be another drawn-out fight on our hands.  Alistair came away from the shadows with a confused look on his face, running to stand beside me as I regripped my daggers tightly.  What I saw next took the breath from my lungs.  
  
_It couldn’t be.  It’s impossible._  Running through the smoke, rifle at the ready, firelight glinting off of blue armor, salt and pepper hair, piercing brown eyes, jaw line rigid with determination…  
  
Kaidan.  
  
He looked exactly the same, just like he did when we parted, right before I made my final run to the beam.  That moment seemed like centuries ago.  
  
I couldn’t move.  It was as though my mind couldn’t possibly reconcile his presence in this place.   _Now I know I’m dreaming.  This is a dream, and I’m trapped in the Fade.  It isn’t really Kaidan, it’s a demon.  That’s why this woman is here again, in this place.  No…no…I can’t be imprisoned here again!  When did I fall asleep?  How long have I been here?  I have to wake up! Oh God, how do I wake up?_  
  
My acute panic made time seem to slow down.  Motes of dust drifted through the air, illuminated only by the torchlight of the narrow chamber.  As Kaidan slowly swept his rifle from left to right, scanning the room for threats, the barrel passed over me, and our eyes locked.  
  
His widened, mine narrowed.  He lowered his rifle.  I dropped my daggers.  
  
“Shepard, oh thank God, Shepard…” he exclaimed, his voice breaking as he choked out the words.  He came toward me as I backed away, drawing my pistol and aiming it at his chest.  Alistair, following my lead, threw down his shield and gripped his sword in both hands at the ready.  
  
“ _Stop._ ”  I spoke the word with such force that it reverberated throughout the chamber, a deafening silence following the echoes that trailed behind.  A silence soon broken by James Vega, Theresa, and two other soldiers piling their way into the room like a circus, coughing through the dissipating smoke.    
  
Kaidan’s face twisted in alarm and he shook his head in confusion.  “Shepard, it’s me.  The Normandy crashed here, and we’ve been looking for you for days…”  
  
“Shut up!” I cried.  How did this demon know my chief weakness so well?  This would have been exactly what I wanted most, for Kaidan to be here, to find me.  It was all too perfect, and I was unwilling to be pulled back into the dangerous temptation of Kaidan’s presence again.  “I’m not falling for this!  I’ll be damned if you think you can lure me again.  How _dare_ you use him against me!”  It was too much to bear, and the sight of him turned the aching despair that had always been on the edge of my senses into a boiling rage.  “But not again, oh no, now I know what you really are.”  My finger twitched over the trigger slightly, aiming it at his heart.  My fury was building, unchecked, and my face contorted with revulsion.  “Why don’t you stop pretending?  Show yourself and come at me, you son of a bitch, so I can gut you and send you back to hell where you belong!”  
  
I might as well have shot him; the look on Kaidan’s face was one of searing pain as my words sliced through him.  “Shepard, what happened to you?  What the hell are you talking about?”  
  
The two soldiers standing uncomfortably behind Theresa exchanged apprehensive glances, then abruptly turned tail and retreated back down the hallway.  Vega stepped forward as he held his arms up in surrender, inching his way closer to me.  “Whoa, Lola, we’re here to help you.  I don’t know what’s going through your head right now, but just back down and we can all talk this through.”  
  
“Shut up, Vega!” I snapped, spitting the words out like fire.    
  
He turned to Theresa.  “See, I told you.”  
  
I felt more than heard Alistair’s voice behind me, the storm inside of me clouding my senses.  “Theresa, who are these people?”  
  
“Don’t talk to them, Alistair, don’t let them inside your head.”   _But maybe Alistair’s a demon, too.  Maybe they all are._  I could feel my panic escalating, pushing away any ability to reason.  
  
“They found me in Shepard’s room while I was looking for her necklace.  They said they were friends of hers, and I actually believed them.”  Theresa drew her bow quickly, notching the shaft of an arrow and aiming it at Vega’s head while she backed away from them slowly.  “But considering present circumstances, I think I made a horrible mistake.”  
  
Kaidan’s face twisted into a grimace, teeth clenched as he trained his weapon first on Morrigan who was still leaning heavily on her staff, and then Alistair.  “What did you do to her?”  
  
Alistair was incredulous.  “What did we do to her?  We’re not the ones she’s trying to rip apart limb from limb!  What did _you_ do to her?”  
  
Kaidan took two paces forward with his rifle ready, close enough for Alistair to strike a blow.  “You bastards, if you’ve hurt her, I swear, I’ll kill you all with my bare hands.”  
  
“If you lay one hand on him, you die,” I snarled.  
  
Alistair’s nostrils flared as he took a step toward Kaidan defiantly.  “Say the word, Shepard, and I’ll gladly run this fiend through.”  I was seeing red.  My adrenaline was pumping through my blood like a drug, and I knew that at my mark, Alistair and Theresa would gladly fight beside me against these demons.  But I couldn’t bring myself to kill this one, not while he was still using Kaidan’s likeness.  It seemed so deceptively real…  
  
“It’s me you want, so come at me already!” I screamed.  Why hadn’t it struck?  Why wouldn’t it attack me?  
  
Suddenly, a calm, slightly exasperated voice broke through the tension.  “Enough.”  
  
The white-haired woman flicked her wrist and the dust halted in the air, the flames of the torches paused their flicker, and everyone but me stood frozen.  She calmly strode between Alistair’s sword and Kaidan’s rifle, Theresa’s arrow and Vega’s raised hands, to come stand in front of me.  “You know who I am.  Yes, I am the one who saved you in the Fade.  My name is Flemeth, and this,” she motioned to the woman who had previously been an elephant, “is my daughter, Morrigan.  And all of this,” her arms swept a wide arc as I followed her gaze around the room, “is not the Fade.  Everything, and everyone, you see before you is real.”  She began to walk up the winding stone staircase to the floor above.  “Follow me, please.”  
  
My head was pounding, my arms aching from holding the pistol in position.  I lowered my weapon, warily letting down my guard as I followed her at a distance.  “Not the Fade?  But how?  How was your daughter an elephant?  How are you here and why, and how were you able to freeze everything?  And how could that possibly be…”  The word caught in my throat before I could finish.  I turned to look at Kaidan, his face frozen in alarm and anger as Alistair boldly stood his ground, sword poised to strike.  I couldn’t even bring myself to say his name.  It would ignite a flicker of hope inside of me that would turn to wildfire, and if Flemeth was wrong, I knew it would consume me, trapping me here forever.  
  
“You come from a land that is far distant from this one.  The same rules apply, but we use them in different ways.”  She halted and waited for me to catch up to her.  “Where in your world, you primarily use artillery, some of us in this world are able to bend the very elements to our will in a way you cannot.  Only mages can wield this power and because of it, we are feared in this realm.  On the other hand, where you use…technology, I believe is the correct word, we do not have that capacity.”  
  
My brow furrowed, confusion clearly etched on my face.  “How do you know anything about my world?  No one else here does.”  
  
“Because I’ve seen it, through your eyes as you dream.”  
  
I shook my head, exhausted.  “What?  How many of my dreams have you spied on, exactly?”  It all sounded so absurd.  Just more proof I was asleep.  “I know that you’re another illusion.  This can’t be real.”  I stopped mid step, sliding my back against the wall until I came to a halt on the hard floor.  
  
Flemeth looked upon me with pity.  “Everything you want is before you, if you would only grasp it.”  She crouched beside me, her voice stern.  “Just as I urged you to awaken when you were trapped in the Fade, I need you to listen to me now.  You are the key to ending a war that has been waging for centuries.  Even I do not know how this is to be; all I know is that without you, we are lost.”  
  
She straightened and held out her hand.   _Another war to fight?  Another world to save?  When will it end?_  My head throbbing, I ignored her gesture and grudgingly stood to my feet once more.    
  
“If you want to know whether you are or are not in the Fade, I can show you how.”  Flemeth resumed her steady course to the upper floors where dead darkspawn littered the halls.  We finally arrived at the top of the tower, the stillness and silence unsettling.  As with everything else, the flames of the wall sconces were arrested and even the dust immobilized, persuaded to move only when we passed through it.  Flemeth turned toward me once more, handing me a crescent shaped amulet made of an iridescent material I couldn’t identify.  
  
“This is part of an ancient elven artifact, older than even the Dalish clans that inhabit Thedas.  It contains powerful magic.  Keep it with you always, even as you slumber, and it will become a part of your dreams.  When you are in the Fade, it will glow a bright green.  When you are not, it will look as it does now.”  
  
I turned the amulet over in my hands, observing it from every angle.  It was heavy like metal, but its appearance was like glass.  Holding it up to the static light, it cast a prism of rainbows against the far stone wall.  
  
“How do I know I can really trust you?” I asked.  “Why are you helping me?”  
  
Her expression was one of surprise.  “Is it not obvious?  I know that the archdemon is what you call a Reaper, and you are the only one that truly knows how to fight it.”  She took the amulet and placed it around my neck as though christening me in a somber ceremony.  “As it has been foretold centuries ago, I believe that you, Commander Shepard, are the Savior of Thedas.”  
  
I stood still, feeling the weight of the amulet pressing against my chest.  My mission from the very beginning was always to stop the Reapers, and as long as they existed, my assignment wasn’t yet over.  I closed my eyes wearily, letting my head drop as I took a deep breath.  “I’m no savior, but I’ll help how I can.  I won’t leave a Reaper alive if there’s anything I can do about it.”  
  
Flemeth nodded, seemingly satisfied by my answer.  “Then know this.  I have saved your life twice and the lives of those you hold most dear.  By saving this world, you will be repaying a debt by saving me and my daughter in return.”  Walking to the nearest torch, she took it from its holder and handed it to me.  “As an additional gesture of goodwill, I have safely led you precisely where you wanted to be – at the top of the tower, ready to light the beacon.”  
  
Suddenly, it was as though a switch were flipped back on.  Flemeth immediately disappeared, the fireplace roared to life, and the torch crackled.  I blinked several times, trying to process what had just occurred.  It was so jarring that it was hard to believe any of it had actually happened.  But here I was, torch in hand, ready to light the beacon.  I held the strange amulet up to see, its dullness supposedly confirming I was firmly rooted in the waking world.  
  
I shook the fog from my head and quickly crossed the room toward the fireplace, throwing the torch onto the pyre.  It exploded into flames, swiftly consumed and burning brightly.  I hoped it wouldn’t be in vain.  
  
_Kaidan and the others…oh no…_  I realized how we had left them, each at the other’s throats within a heartbeat of shedding blood.  As I raced from the room and took the steps downward as swiftly as my legs would allow, I cried out loudly, “Everyone, stop what you’re doing!”  
  
I could hear their yells.  Vega’s voice drifted up the stairway as I bolted through the third floor’s corridors.    
  
“We never should have trusted you!  You set us up!  You were after Shepard this entire time!”  
  
“Tis not I that took her, you fool!  Why would I still be standing here?  My crazy mother is to blame, since she is the only other one missing.”  
  
“Where would she have taken her, then?”  
  
“I know not my mother’s dealings…”  
  
Tripping down the steps and recklessly stumbling into the second floor’s main chamber, I prayed I wasn’t too late.  Coming to a halt, I frantically called for them to stop.  So absorbed in their verbal skirmishes, they didn’t hear me.  I eventually yelled out at the top of my lungs, “Please, all of you, knock it off!”  
  
Everyone stopped in mid-sentence and turned to look at me as if I were an apparition.    
  
I held my hands in front of me, urging them to back down.  “Stop, please, lower your weapons.  No one is an enemy here.”  They stood stock still, bewildered by my sudden change of heart.  
  
Alistair was the first to speak.  “You disappeared!  Vanished!  What in Andraste’s name happened to you?”  
  
I tried to catch my breath, still not fully trusting I was awake.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry,” I whispered.  I held my head, shaking it in anguish.  “I thought I was in the Fade, trapped back there, being tempted again…I couldn’t…it was too much.”  I tried to steady my voice as I continued.  “That woman, Flemeth, she was there with me in the Fade the first time, and she rescued me.”  Holding the amulet in my grip, I turned to Alistair and Theresa.  “I was able to light the beacon.  It’s done.”  
  
It was as if a visible weight was lifted from Alistair’s chest.  “Thank the Maker.  So, these men aren’t your sworn enemies I take it?”  
  
Still terrified that all of this could be a fantasy, my eyes roamed from Morrigan, recovered from her ordeal, arms crossed over her chest, to Alistair, now holding his sword loosely at his side.  Next was Theresa, notched arrow pointing at the ground, and Vega, eyebrows raised in surprise.  Finally, my eyes once again locked onto Kaidan’s, his face etched with concern and apprehension.  If that was really him, I was deeply ashamed of what I had done, and seeing his pain created a heavy ache in my chest that threatened to suffocate me.  
  
“Shepard.”  Slowly holstering his rifle, Kaidan took a cautious step toward me.  His voice washed over me like a tidal wave, overwhelming me with hope that this moment could actually be real.  
  
“Kaidan?”  My heart was pounding, my breathing shallow.  
  
“Shepard, whatever happened to you, whatever they’ve done, I’m here now.  You’re safe.  Please, just trust me.”  He took off his gloves and held out his hand, willing me to take it.  I swallowed hard, locked in indecision.   _Is this real?_  If I gave in and discovered I was wrong, I knew I’d be lost.  But if I was right…  
  
Taking one last look at the dark amulet around my chest, I made up my mind.  I couldn’t live in fear because of what I had suffered.  I had to have faith, if not in myself, then in those around me.  
  
Taking a deep breath, I walked slowly at first, then broke into a run.   _Have faith._  
  
Our fingers touched and I felt his warmth travel through me like an electric current, quelling all of my doubts in an instant.  I pulled him toward me forcefully and pressed myself against him, enveloping his lips with mine as I wrapped my arms around his neck.  He grunted from the force of my actions, taking a step backward as he tried to stay upright.  Finally, I felt his arms around my body in a tight embrace, his lips returning the ferocity of mine.  Even though it had been less than a week, it seemed as though a lifetime had passed since I had last found myself in his arms.  His taste, sweat mixed with a tinge of blood from a small cut on his chin, was intoxicating, and my fingers found my way into his hair, compelling him to deepen the kiss.  His stubble from the lack of a good shave scraped against my mouth, and I relished the contrast between its roughness and the warm softness of his lips.  Feeling his fingers grip my sides more tightly, I was suddenly keenly aware of the heavy armor that put too much space between us.  Oh, how I longed to change that.  
  
“It’s about damn time,” I heard Vega exclaim.  
  
_This is real,_ I thought.  Finally breaking away to catch my breath, I rested my forehead against Kaidan’s, not willing to let him go as I felt hot tears streaming down my face.  “I’m so sorry.  Is it really you?  Did you really find me?”  
  
He pulled away only enough to look at me with his warm, brown eyes, now brimming with tears of his own as he cupped my face in his hands.  “Yes, it’s really me.  I love you, and I’ll always find you, Shepard.  Always.”

* * *

“Kaidan?”  Shepard’s voice could barely be heard, but he knew exactly whose name she had just uttered.  
  
Alistair felt as though he had been dealt a blow.  He would have gladly exchanged a hearty punch in the face over what he was experiencing now.  
  
Moments ago, he had been ready to run his sword through who he thought was Shepard’s enemy, reminded of what he had already realized when she had pulled him into the shadows after entering the tower – he would do anything to protect her.  
  
But now he grappled with the fact that this man, the one Alistair was so determined to defend her against, was Kaidan.  The name she had called him by mistake in the great hall, the name of her fiancé.  
  
His eyes flicked from Shepard back to the man standing in front of him.  Alistair could tell just by looking at him that Kaidan was everything he himself lacked.  And the way she looked at him…Maker, there was no comparison, really.  
  
As he watched Shepard run into her lover’s arms and kiss him in a way that made Alistair’s chest constrict with ridiculously unwarranted jealousy, he internally chastised himself.  Her furtive glances in his direction, her smile that melted him, the way she touched him and drew him near, he had let them all feed his irrational hopes that maybe, just maybe, she had fallen for him as he had inexplicably done for her.  He was such a fool.  A schoolboy with a silly infatuation.  They had known each other for less than a week.  Why was he so drawn to her at all, besides the fact that her mere presence made his blood burn?  He chalked the feeling up to being a Grey Warden and nothing more.  There could never be anything more.  
  
He should be happy for her.  Her companions were here, they had found her, and now they were together again, just as she had hoped.    
  
Then why did he feel so miserable?  Because now someone else would defend her, protect her, unlace her blasted corset.  He was no longer needed.  
  
Motioning to Theresa to follow, Alistair walked out of the chamber without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The overall theme to Amalgamation, if I had to choose one, is El Dorado by Two Steps From Hell. That song just makes me want to go take on the entire world.
> 
> I wrote and rewrote this chapter twice. Such a hard chapter as I tried to encapsulate how everyone was feeling, even while I write in the first person. Tricky tricky. CURSE YOU! And I really wanted to do the reunion justice. 
> 
> But I really hope you approve of how it turned out. Please let me know what you think! And thank you for all of those that send me regular comments; you guys are just the best there is.


	16. The Ritual

“Shepard, good to see you alive.  Remind me never to piss you off.”  Vega patted me hard on the back, his smile as broad as his shoulders.  After I reached up to wipe a splatter of darkspawn blood from his eyebrow, I returned his affections with a generous smack on the arm.  “Thanks for finding me.  I can still hardly believe it; you’ve got a story to tell.”  
  
He laughed.  “Us?  I think your story is going to be a hell of a lot more interesting.”    
  
_The Normandy, here._  I could barely wait to see my crew again.  But there was something I had to do before anything else.  “Considering what just happened, I should properly introduce you to some friends of mine.  Alistair, I want you to meet my…Alistair?”  I turned a complete circle, but he was no longer in the chamber.  
  
“He left,” Morrigan explained.  “I nearly did as well after that sickeningly overt display of affection.”  
  
“I’m still here!” Theresa’s voice chimed through the room, a complete contrast to Morrigan’s cheerless tone.  “So glad we didn’t kill each other.  Let’s start over.”  Bowing slightly at the waist with her hand over her heart, she graciously turned toward Morrigan to include her in the formality.  “Atisha fallon.  Emma Theresa Mahariel.”  
  
To my amusement, James returned her bow with an equal air of solemnity.  “Hola, Theresa.  Me llamo James Vega.”  Sweeping her hand in his, he brushed a kiss along her fingers and delivered his most charming grin.  “Encantado de conocerte.”    
  
Theresa’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, her lips curving upward in an expression of astonishment.  Shaking my head in mock severity, I gave Vega a hearty shove.  “James, stop flirting with the natives.”  
  
“Sorry, Lola.  It’s what I do.”  Contrary to his words, the wink he gave me informed me he wasn’t sorry in the least.  
  
Just as I turned to Morrigan to inquire of her strange role in all of this, Alistair suddenly interjected, running swiftly back from the hall.  Stopping at Theresa’s side, he furrowed his brow.  “You didn’t follow me!”  
  
She folded her arms over her chest defiantly.  “I didn’t sulk off like a wounded halla.”  
  
“A wounded what?  What does that even…”  He shook his head, brushing aside her snide reply.  “There are darkspawn, lots and lots of darkspawn, heading this way.  I could feel them coming.  They’re storming through the front entrance.  We need to move!”  
  
I expected to see the same dizzy panic in Alistair’s features that he wore before we entered the tower, but I was surprised to see resolve and determination there instead.   _He’s a quick study._  Automatically stepping into the role of commander, I quickly laid out our situation.  “The only other way out of this room is up.  Not a good option.  We’ll be trapped at the top of the tower.”  I looked to Morrigan, remembering how she had laid waste to a huge number of darkspawn completely on her own.  She would be a powerful addition to the team.  “There are enough of us that we should be able to cut a path out of here if we control the choke points and work together.”  
  
Rearming his rifle, Kaidan handed me extra magazines for my pistol.  “We have enough firepower to get us out, but don’t waste ammo.  We didn’t pack enough heat to take on an entire army.”  
  
I loaded the fresh rounds into my gun, hearing the satisfying click of the magazine locking into place.  “Major, Lieutenant, you’re with me on point.  I’ll take up the middle while you flank the sides.  Alistair, you’ll be right behind me to help cut a path.  Morrigan and Theresa, you’ll bring up the rear and attack from a distance.”  
  
Expecting to receive push-back, I was surprised when Morrigan simply nodded.  “Lead the way.”  
  
Taking up our positions, I looked behind me to see Alistair and Vega, one with sword in hand and the other armed with a shotgun, and I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the irony.   _The most unlikely of companions,_ I thought as I readied my pistol and, with a nod, jogged across the wide chamber, down the narrow hallway, and through the remnants of the second floor’s oaken door.    
  
As we took our first steps down the stone staircase, we were immediately overwhelmed by a swarm of darkspawn so thick I could barely see the floor beneath them.  Tossed like debris in a crumpled heap were the bodies of the two soldiers that we had rescued before.  Duncan’s words echoed in my mind: _The archdemon is bent on a new purpose – destroying you.  
  
Not today, _ I thought grimly through gritted teeth.  I opened fire on the enemies closest to me, each grueling step feeling like its own individual battleground as I fought to make room for the rest of my crew to attack.  After realizing the rounds from my gun seemed to do little to stop them, I switched to my daggers to hack my way through to the first floor.  I soon heard rifle fire and shotgun blasts behind me, catching the darkspawn off guard by the increased firepower.  Clearly they’d never encountered semi-automatic weapons before.  For every one we felled, however, another quickly took its place.  It was becoming clear that if this many darkspawn had broken through the ranks, the Grey Wardens’ strategy must have failed.  I didn’t have time to look to Alistair, but I was sure he was thinking the same.  Duncan, King Cailan, Ostegar’s best fighters…were they all lost?  
  
Without warning, I felt a heavy weight crush my chest and I stumbled backwards, losing my footing.  A horrific monstrosity with a mace was prepared to finish the job, but Vega’s concussive rounds blew him back just enough for Kaidan to grip my arm and drag me backward.  Stepping over me as a shield, he laid down suppressive fire, kicking the nearest darkspawn in the stomach as he yelled for us to fall back.  We were slowly yet surely losing ground, being pushed up the stairwell that we had just claimed.  The darkspawn were relentless, compelled by an unseen master to obliterate us as its chief threat.  Grabbing Kaidan by the shoulder, I yelled directions I hoped all would hear.  “We need to get to the third floor!  We can bar the door and regroup!”  
  
I emptied my second magazine quickly, reloading and firing rounds as fast as I could as I quickly backed up the stairs.  Risking a look over my shoulder, I saw that my directions were being reluctantly heeded.  With all the strength I could muster, I sprinted up the remainder of the steps two at a time and reached out to grab Theresa’s hand.  Kaidan used his biotics to throw the closest darkspawn into the wall with a sickening crack.  Morrigan deftly followed with a blast of lightening that arched from her staff, electrocuting the enemies below.  Running ahead of me, Kaidan and Morrigan stayed close together, a glance passing between them that I couldn’t help but notice.  It was as though they had fought together before, combining their attacks in a similar battle-dance that Kaidan and I would often do.  I didn’t have time to ponder it, however; all I could manage was to focus on the task ahead.  
  
We had narrowly made it to the third floor in time to blockade the heavy wooden door, but it wouldn’t last long.  We had no choice but to continue our retreat upwards where we would be forced to make our final stand.  
  
As we rushed into the top of the tower, we were met by the unexpected: a huge ogre stood on his haunches in the middle of the room, horns curving to sharp points that were covered in blood.  Its bare hands were the only weapons it needed, and as soon as it saw us, it let out a roar that covered us all in its pungent saliva.   _I was just in here!  Where could this thing have possibly come from?_  
  
The huge beast charged us head on, head bowed low like a battering ram.  We scrambled out of the way to the far side of the circular room, narrowly avoiding its crushing blow.  Deftly reloading his shotgun with explosive rounds, Vega let loose on the ogre, firing his last two shells into its bare chest.  While that seemed to stun it for a moment, it was clear it would take more than that to kill it completely.  We were besieged, backed against a wall, and with no escape other than jumping out a four story window on top of the horde that awaited us in the courtyard.  
  
My sanity gave way as I laughed internally at the bitter irony.  I’d fought a thresher maw on foot, a Reaper with nothing more than a grenade launcher, entered the Omega 4 relay, and taken out an entire Collector base.  I had survived an explosion of the entire Citadel in the middle of space.  My crew had just found me, I had been reunited with the man I loved, and all of it for what?  To be killed by the dumbest of beasts at the top of this god-forsaken tower that was supposed to be the one safe place amidst the chaos.    
  
I lunged at the ogre, screaming as I used my daggers to stab my way up its chest, twisting with every strike.  With all the strength left in me, I sunk my blade deep into its eye socket as it clawed me from behind, grabbing my skull and hurling me against the hard stone floor like a rag doll.  It fell to its knees soon after, blood gushing from the mortal wound I had inflicted.  Alistair, sword raised with desperate ferocity, brought his full force to bear on the creature once, twice, a third time, severing its neck with the final blow.  I grabbed my head in agony and pulled my hand back to find it covered in blood.  
  
As darkspawn began pouring in around us, something inexplicable happened.  It was like a locked door bursting open, a tidal wave crashing onto shore.  A boiling rage overtook me, all sounds becoming muted as I looked upon the chaos – Kaidan and Vega yelling directions, Theresa firing her last arrow, Alistair pulling me to my feet as he lashed out at the darkspawn that pushed him back, Morrigan on one knee as she strained to hold a protective barrier in front of us.  I felt a searing heat radiate from the amulet on my chest and flood through every nerve of my body, my extremities tingling as a sliver of reality ripped wide open in front of me to reveal a world beyond.  A Colossus stood directly on the other side of the rift with fire and retribution, the mere force of its presence ripping the darkspawn apart as shreds of the beasts were sucked through the fracture that had been created.  It stared straight at me, a manifestation of wrath and fury, and it reached through the fissure in an attempt to break through.  
  
I saw all of this as if through a haze, and I began to lose my sense of balance.  Suddenly, the room went sideways, and I felt my body crash to the floor as everything faded to black.  
 

* * *

   
Kaidan knew they couldn’t win.  He realized it the instant he saw the sheer number of darkspawn entering the tower.  While he fought viciously with every breath, he was only staving off the inevitable.   _At least I got to see her one last time._  
  
Seeing the ogre grab Shepard and throw her forcibly to the ground made him see red.  Emptying the last of his ammunition into the beast proved unnecessary as Alistair stepped in, hacking its neck in a blind rage.  Out of the corner of his vision, a bright light sparked through the air and he heard Shepard cry out in pain.  Using his biotics to throw a hurlock aside, he tried to reach her as the amulet around her neck glowed a sickly green.  Like lightning, it arced a bolt of energy through the room and, to his completely shock, seemed to rip a gash into the very fabric of space.  Beyond it stood a gigantic creature, blazing fire and training its attention directly on Shepard.  Darkspawn were screeching in terror around him as they scrambled to escape, but once they were caught in the rift’s pull, they were gradually shredded apart, their appendages wrenched from their sockets and flesh from their bones.  Each step was like pushing against a whirlwind, the blasting force of the tear preventing him from moving fast enough.  He cried out to her, but his voice was ripped away amidst the darkspawn’s shrieks.  The being within the rift reached out to penetrate the space between, but when it did, a massive shockwave rippled through the tower, slamming him against the stone wall with a force that made his bones crack.  The last thing he remembered before passing out was being shielded by Morrigan as she grasped hold of her staff in both hands, intertwining her magic with the amulet, fighting to close the rift.  
 

* * *

   
Kaidan awoke slowly as memories of what had happened came flooding back.  Sitting up on his elbows, he found himself naked save for his black boxers, lying in a strange bed with Morrigan sauntering toward him.  Her hips swayed seductively back and forth, which he forcibly tried not to notice.  
  
“Ah, your eyes open.  Mother will be pleased.  As I’m sure you are wondering, we are in the Wilds and I have been bandaging your wounds while Mother was able to heal your broken back.  You are welcome, by the way.”  She took another step closer.  “How does your memory fare?  Do you remember our rescue?”  
  
Trying to clear his mind and keep his eyes from wandering, Kaidan rubbed his head, trying to piece everything together.  He should contact the Normandy to tell them they’re still alive, that Shepard’s alive, that they failed to find a way to contact Earth.  But first, he had to see her.  “Where’s Shepard?  Is she okay?”  He pulled back the covers and winced at a searing pain along his chest.  Looking down, he saw a strange red mark trailing from his neck to his stomach.  “What the hell…”  
  
Morrigan came to sit on the edge of the bed, invading Kaidan’s personal space in a way that made him tense.  She smelled of sandalwood and earth, and her voice was hypnotic.  “You carried a chain with you that Mother discovered were connected to you somehow, wherever you are.  It also alerted the darkspawn to your location.  If we had not broken the bond with our magic, we would be overrun at this very moment.”  She dangled his dog tags in front of him, which he ripped from her grasp.  “But do not worry, the bruising is only temporary.”  
  
He laid his head back on the pillow and grimaced.  “Our biometric trackers.  Damn it.  You had no right…”  
  
Before he could stop her, Morrigan laid her hands on the mark.  He inhaled sharply, but before he had a chance to protest, he felt a cool, soothing sensation putting out the fiery pain that was there moments before.  Feeling her touching him made his heart race, and she knew it.  Slowly, her hands began to move, one upward toward his neck while the other snaked downward toward his abdomen, but he grabbed her wrists roughly before she could continue any further.  “Don’t.”  
  
Bending over him with her face inches from his own, her palms remained locked on his bare chest.  He swallowed hard.  Her amber eyes bore into him, and he stared back at her in defiance.  Her red lips parted slightly and he could feel her warm breath on his face.  After several agonizing moments, she seemed to make up her mind.  “As you wish.”  At that, she tore her hands away roughly and the pain instantly returned.  Biting his lip, he let out a sharp cry.  
  
“Did you do this to Shepard?  Vega?”  
  
Crossing her arms over her chest, she cocked her head to the side.  “Of course.”  
  
Concern overcoming his propriety, Kaidan threw back the covers and zipped open his Alliance pack lying nearby, rummaging for his fatigues.  He put them on quickly, feeling Morrigan’s gaze searing through him even more than the crimson wound she had inflicted.  “Take me to her.  Now.”  
  
She raised an eyebrow.  “Do you not wish to know what happened at the tower?”  
  
In one stride, he was on her, his fingers digging into her arm.  “Let’s get something straight.  I know you lied to us.  You knew we were looking for Shepard, and you used us to get to her.  I don’t know what you’re up to, but I don’t trust you.”    
  
Morrigan’s voice spat back a retort.  “I saved your life.  You both would have perished in the Wilds if not for me.  And this is how I am thanked?”  
  
Pulling her closer, his voice a low growl, he repeated his command.  “Take me to her.   _Now._ ”  
  
Not one to shrink from any man, she gruffly pulled her arm from his grip.  “Very well.  Follow me.”  
  
Exiting the hut’s second story, they descended a flight of stairs and came upon a closed door.  “She is still asleep.  My mother is tending to her at present.”  Kaidan pushed her aside, eager to replace the feeling of Morrigan’s touch with Shepard’s.  He entered the room, quickly coming to kneel beside her sleeping form.  Standing over a basin of water, Flemeth brought a fresh cloth to place over Shepard’s forehead.  
  
“Of all of the wounds I healed tonight, hers were the most severe.  But she will recover fully.”  
  
Pulling back the blankets to check her condition, he was alarmed to see the same angry mark streaking from her neck to her abdomen.  She wore only her lace underwear and the strange amulet that had been the catalyst for ripping reality wide open in the tower.  He cast a sideways glare in Flemeth’s direction as Morrigan closed the door to the small room, leaving him alone with her mother.  
  
“It’s not often Morrigan can study a man so thoroughly.  But do not worry, she took no liberties,” she stated matter-of-factly, as if that adequately explained any part of the present situation.  “Do not mind my daughter.  She has lived her entire life in the forest, and she knows little of what lies beyond it.”  
  
Kaidan looked upon the woman he loved, her chest rising and falling with each steady breath.  Still unable to believe he had found her alive, he took long moments to drink her in and savor the sight.  His eyes roamed over her toned form, her typically fair skin slightly sun-kissed from her time at Ostegar.  Normally in a perfect bun, her raven hair was undone, black strands framing her face in contrast against the pale bed sheets.  He grasped one of Shepard’s hands, imagining she did the same while he had been unconscious at Huerta Memorial Hospital.  But they couldn’t have been farther from a hospital if they tried; instead, here they were, in a hut in the middle of the forest, mended by this strange woman with no tools, no tech, much more effectively than any of the hospital’s surgeons.  
  
“You did something to us,” he growled, tracing his thumb carefully over Shepard’s fresh red bruising.  
  
Holding a vial of dark liquid up to the new dawn’s light that streamed through the windows of the small hut, she regarded her work intently.  “Yes.  It was necessary.  If we had not broken the bond between you and your devices, you would have darkspawn pursuing you to the ends of Thedas.”  
  
Flinching at the pain of his own mark, he asked, “If you have the ability to heal us, why not fix these bruises?”  
  
“That is a shrewd question,” Flemeth replied, nodding approvingly.  “But it is best to let the effects of blood magic heal on their own.”  
  
He carefully covered Shepard with blankets, keeping her hand clasped in his own.  “What were you doing in the tower at Ostegar?”  
  
Continuing her ministrations, Flemeth eyed Kaidan with interest.  “I was waiting for Shepard to give her the amulet.  And I was also waiting for you.  I know you are from another world, one that has been torn apart by war.  Our world is only beginning to feel the throes of such a fate.  But after what she has experienced, Shepard could explain it to you even better than I.”  
  
He studied the dark glass around Shepard’s neck suspiciously, the jagged crescent shape resting in the hollow of her neck.  “That thing ripped a hole through space…”  
  
“That ‘thing’ saved your life.  Actually, Shepard saved you.  The amulet is to aid her in focusing her power.”  Before Kaidan could ask her what the hell she could possibly mean by that, Flemeth stood abruptly, drying her hands on her ragged skirts.  “There is someone else you sought, someone besides this woman.  David Anderson is his name.”  
  
That caught his attention.  “Maybe.  What do you know about him?”  
  
“Do not be coy with me, boy.  He is here, if you wish to speak to him.  I found him in the Wilds, badly wounded.  He has only recently awoken, but I am sure he would welcome a familiar face.  I will bring him to you if you wish.”  
  
Sighing heavily, he nodded in response.  With a pit in his stomach, he watched Flemeth place the dark vial in the depths of her skirt and reach into another pocket as if searching for something.  Stretching out her hand to him, she opened her fingers to reveal a single silver band.  
  
“Shepard believes she lost this at Ostegar.  I will give it to you for safekeeping.”  
  
Tentatively reaching out his left hand to pick up the familiar ring, he held it between thumb and finger.  “How did you find it?”  
  
“It matters not.  What is important is that I found it.”  As Kaidan removed his tags and carefully looped the ring to rest beside them as it had for so many years, Flemeth departed to summon the admiral.

 

* * *

   
_“Shepard.”_  
  
_My head was resting in a familiar lap as deft fingers ran through my hair, the dark waves tumbling around my shoulders.  My eyes fluttered open to see Thane looking down at me, calm comfort radiating from his features.  Out of the corner of my vision, I saw the amulet around my neck glowing a vivid green.  I shut my eyes once more and tried to remember what had just occurred._  
  
_“Thane.”  I was surprised by how calm my voice sounded.  “I’m back in the Fade, aren’t I?”  For some reason, I wasn’t afraid.  Not anymore._  
  
_He continued to soothe me with his voice, his hand coming to rest on top of mine.  “Yes, but not for long.  Do you remember what happened?”_  
  
_Pursing my lips, I thought back to where I had just been.  “We were fighting darkspawn and then…it was like the world ripped open and I saw inside of it.  Something tried to come through but…I can’t remember anything else.”_  
  
_“You finally grasped hold of it, but now you must learn to focus it.”_  
  
_I slowly sat up and opened my eyes to take in my surroundings.  Thane looked as he always had, the drell that had fought beside me against the Collectors, who stayed by me, loved me, and who ultimately died by Kai Leng’s sword.  We were sitting together on large fallen tree in a wooded clearing.  The depths of the dark forest stretched farther than my eyes could see.  The same forest I was trapped in before.  Why did I always end up here?_  
  
_“Because this is where it begins,” Thane answered, reading my thoughts._  
  
_“Where what begins?”  I was so tired of the vague abstractions.  I wanted black and white.  A clear path to follow, not a game of riddles to unravel._  
  
_“Listen carefully, Shepard.  We don’t have much time.”  Turning to face me, he once again took my hands in his.  “This is what you must understand, what you don’t remember.  You belonged to this realm of spirits once, before you were taken back.”_  
  
_I strove to comprehend the implications of what Thane was telling me.  “You mean, when I died after the Collector attack, before Cerberus revived me?  I was here?  How do you know this?  And why wouldn’t I remember any of that?”_  
  
_Looking down at my hands, he squeezed them tighter.  “Being a drell, I am the least qualified to understand your lack of memory.  But you are legend.  You gained the friendship and loyalty of many spirits, and you are the only one to reside here and successfully return to the waking world.  Not only that, but your attributes remained.  That is why they fear you.  You tread amongst the living but retain the full power of your Spirit, the one manifested in the Fade.”_  
  
_“What ‘Spirit’?  Is that what I saw in the tower?”  I was desperate to get more information as I began to feel the familiar tug of wakefulness on the edge of my senses._  
  
_He continued, his sense of urgency drawing me closer as the forest began to waver.  “Every being upon death manifests their true Spirit when they enter the Fade.  For some, it is Greed, Lust, or Envy.  For others, it is Wisdom, Virtue, or Peace.  For me, it is Vengeance.”  The fog lifted as I broke to the surface of consciousness, but I heard the faint resonance of Thane’s final words to me as I awoke: “Yours, Shepard, is Justice.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys, I have to be honest. I rewrote this chapter about five times to adequately convey what these characters are thinking and feeling, and it was SO HARD for some reason. Be gentle. And pardon me while I go pour myself a stiff drink in celebration of having this chapter DONE.
> 
> I have this story outlined to make sure I don't paint myself into a corner, so if you trust me, sit back and enjoy the ride! And please, tell me what you think so far. I truly love your feedback and comments. Love them so, so much.


	17. The Vow

Bolting upright, I gasped for air as though I had been drowning, a violent cough racking my body.  I was in a small bed, the straw-stuffed mattress pricking my bare skin.  A stone fireplace filled the room with a warm glow, and huge pelts of unfamiliar animals hung on the walls.  Between my sense of confusion and attempt to find my bearings, I felt strong arms holding me steady, a comforting voice I recognized as Kaidan’s whispering reassurances as his lips pressed kisses against my ear.  “You’re safe.  I’m here.”  
  
I was awake in Kaidan’s arms once again against all odds, and while it was hard to believe, I knew it to be true.   _This isn’t a dream._    
  
“Kaidan.”  I breathed his name like a prayer, inhaling deeply to revel in his scent.  These times when we could savor the other’s presence were usually short-lived thanks to the chaos constantly surrounding us, and I knew that with everything we had to unravel, this moment would be just as fleeting.  Pressing myself into him, I relaxed in his embrace, the echoes of Thane’s words still in my mind.   _Yours, Shepard, is Justice._  While I couldn’t find any memory of residing in the Fade after I had died, feelings of familiarity were gradually coming to the surface.  I strained to remember something, anything that would help me, but other than the details I had received from Thane, I was drawing a frustrating blank.  
  
“What happened?” I asked groggily, untangling myself from Kaidan’s arms to take a swift look at the amulet around my neck, now dark against my chest.  
  
His hands came to rest on my thighs as he leaned into me, reluctant to end our respite.  “It sounds crazy to say it, but that thing around your neck lit up and ripped a hole through space.  When something tried to come through it, a shockwave threw us back.  Apparently, we were all out cold.”  He took stock of my condition, concern etched in his features.  “I was the first to wake up.  According to Morrigan, we’re in a place called the Wilds.”  I could tell he was troubled, as he often was by anything outside of his control.  “I don’t trust them, Shepard.  Any of them.  And I especially don’t trust that thing around your neck.”  
  
Untucking my legs from behind Kaidan’s form, I sat beside him on the bed, straw poking my palms as I repositioned myself.  He always was one to make quick judgments, and once his mind was set, it was difficult to change.  I, on the other hand, was often too ready to trust.  A trait he knew about me all too well.  
  
“I owe them all my life, in one way or another.  And I can’t explain it, but this amulet may have saved our skins back there.  Let’s face it, Kaidan.  We weren’t getting out of there alive.  But then this,” I touched the dark crystalline glass and rubbed it between my fingers, “did something to wipe the darkspawn out completely.  How, I don’t know.  But once again, here we are thanks to something we don’t understand.”  
  
He furrowed his brow in agitation.  “That’s just it, Shepard.  There’s too much that doesn’t make sense.”  His jaw clenched as his eyes hardened.  “The tower wasn’t our first encounter with Morrigan.  She stumbled onto us in the woods on our way to find you.  That couldn’t have been an accident.  We told her we were looking for a friend, and she offered to help us.  After we reached Ostegar, we parted ways.  It turns out she knew about you and your location all along.  She even let us follow a dead trail while she went straight to the tower to meet up with her mother and wait for you to show.”  His anxiety was turning to frustration as he spoke.  “Now you tell me Shepard, why would they do that?  What’s their game?”  
  
I sighed as I looked to the ceiling, heavy thatch crisscrossing over wooden beams.  “Honestly, I don’t know.  What I do know is that they think I’m some kind of Savior, and whatever happened in that tower is somehow connected to that.”  
  
He rubbed his neck worriedly.  “There’s something else.  Look.”    
  
As Kaidan turned his head, I could see an angry red streak running from his neck down into his shirt.  “They did something to us, Shepard.  Something with our biometric trackers.  Morrigan claims the darkspawn knew where to find us because of it, so they had to break the link.  I don’t know how they did it, though.  Just that it left a hell of a bruise.”  
  
A pit of anger knotted in my stomach.  “Morrigan did this to you?”  
  
He ran a hand over my chest, nodding his head.  “They did it to you, too.”  
  
I looked down in alarm to see the same bruising, my skin inflamed.  Swallowing hard, I ran my hand over the sensitive flesh and winced.  “They should have waited until we woke up.  We could have manually disabled our trackers with an omnitool without whatever the hell they did to us.”  I gritted my teeth as I pictured Morrigan touching any part of Kaidan while he lay unconscious.    
  
Turning his focus back to me, he voiced the one question I knew I’d eventually have to answer.  “What happened to you here, Shepard?  Why did you turn on me like that?”  
  
A silence permeated the space between us.  I closed my eyes wearily, dreading to recount the painful experiences I had endured.  “It’s…hard to explain.”  
  
He squeezed my hand in support.  “Try me.”  
  
Kaidan knew nothing of this place, of the Fade, of the archdemon.  Where would I even begin?  I suddenly felt too exposed.  Seeing my armor piled in the corner, I crossed the room and knelt down, grabbing each piece and strapping it on in an attempt to avoid the unavoidable.  Maybe I thought I could use it as a buffer, a faux shield against the memories that secretly haunted me every moment of every day.  
  
“Okay, Kaidan.”  Dread filled me as I tried to put together the words.  After long, drawn out moments, I let out a heavy breath and started at the only place that made sense: the last time I saw him on Earth.    
  
“I managed to get to the Citadel.  But what I saw…” I heard myself speaking as if from a distance, reliving each moment in my mind’s eye.  “Bodies, so many bodies in piles all around me.  I stumbled on Anderson.  He was trying to activate the Crucible, but the Illusive Man was there.  He made me shoot Anderson.  I killed him, Kaidan.”  My vision blurred.  “I killed him.”  
  
Coming to stand in front of me, Kaidan pulled me to him and held me against his chest.  “Shepard…”  
  
“No, just listen.  Please.”  The tears flowed freely, my cheeks burning.  Now that I had begun, I had to finish the tale.  “It made me choose.  Oh God, it made me judge what was right and what was wrong.  The fate of the galaxy, falling to me.  I destroyed them.  The geth, EDI, all of them.  Gone because of me.”  
  
I knew I was barely speaking in coherent sentences.  I couldn’t have been making sense, but I pushed on, the words spilling out of my soul like a dammed river bursting free.  “I should have died up there.  But instead, I woke up here.  Alistair found me under a pile of rubble.  Mages healed me.  They took me back to where I was found, right next to a Prothean beacon.  I had to know what it would show me.”  
  
Kaidan’s hand moved to the back of my neck, cradling my head against his shoulder.  I forced myself to continue.  “It’s a Reaper, Kaidan.  What these people are fighting is an enemy they don’t really know.  I couldn’t believe it.  A Reaper, here.  Don’t you understand?”  My voice was reaching a fever pitch as I poured my darkest fears at his feet.  “It means we failed!  I failed.  The Catalyst didn’t work.  All of our efforts, wasted.”    
  
My hands tightened into fists, my teeth clenched.  “I blacked out.  For four days, I was trapped in a place they call the Fade.  A place where you go when you dream, when you die…”  My heart began to pound and I clung to him desperately, clutched at reality, as I recounted my time lost in the Fade.  “I thought I was back home with you.  You were making sandwiches of all things, serving me coffee.  I was so convinced it was real.  I was ready to give everything, to do anything, to stay in that place with you until Flemeth came.  I would have died, worse, I would have lost my soul there if it weren’t for her.”  I was rambling, frantic to finish the account, to empty myself of it as quickly as possible.  “Then I saw Thane, Mordin, Ashley.  They helped me finally escape the Fade.”  My voice barely a whisper, I realized I was speaking aloud what I thought I’d never be able to tell another soul.  “Was it really them?  Or was it all part of the dream?  How can I ever know what’s real and what isn’t?  How could I possibly believe it was really you in the tower and not the devil coming back to reclaim my soul?”  
  
After all of my confessions, I discovered I was gripping his shirt so tightly that my fists were beginning to ache.  I remained rigid, wondering if he thought I had gone completely mad.  It was something I wondered myself.  Honestly, I longed for him to say words of reassurance and comfort.  I wanted more than anything to know he somehow inexplicably understood.  Instead, he said the last thing I expected to hear.  
  
“Anderson is alive.”  
  
Stunned, I was convinced he must be horribly mistaken.  “I shot him, Kaidan!”  Pushing away from his grasp, I turned from him and threw my arms in the air.  “I watched Anderson die, right beside me!”  
  
He slowly walked past me across the room to the closed door on the other side.  Gently pushing it open, he motioned for me to come closer.  “We picked up his signal at the same time as yours.  If you won’t believe me, then see for yourself.”  
  
The sunlight of mid-morning was breaking through the forest to rest on the small clearing in front of Flemeth’s dwelling.  Somewhere over the treetops a songbird warbled its rich aria to the new day, oblivious to the terrible battle the night before.  Flames from a campfire licked upward, conforming around a cast iron pot hanging from a crook in its center.  Huddled around it were several of my companions, eating what appeared to be porridge as their voices murmured above the crackle of the burning logs.  As soon as I stepped outside, Theresa came bounding toward me.  “You’re awake!  Thank the…”  
  
“Maker, I know,” I finished.  
  
She caught me off guard by gathering me into a hug.  “I was going to say ‘Creators’, but that works too, I guess,” she retorted.  “Everyone’s awake.  Come, eat some breakfast.  We’re all trying to piece together what happened back at the tower, and we’re eager to know your thoughts.”  
  
While I heard the words, I wasn’t listening.  Slack jawed, I found myself staring directly into the face of a ghost.  Admiral David Anderson, dressed in his fatigues with an Alliance cap on his head, carefully put down his bowl and stood to his feet.  A dark stain marred his shirt, a failed attempt at scrubbing away dried blood, and a small hole revealed where my bullet had pierced him.  Gently stepping away from Theresa, I closed the distance between he and I, reaching a tentative hand out to touch my fingers to his abdomen.  “Anderson, how…”  
  
His face relinquished a smile as he grasped my hand and held it firmly to his side.  “I could ask the same thing about you.  But after seeing you take down a Reaper and a Collector base without so much as a scratch, I’m not surprised.”  
  
I fiercely wanted to hug him, to tell him all of the things I regretted not being able to say before he died.  He was like a father to me; I admired him and loved him like a daughter would.  But there was only one thing I could bring myself to say.    
  
“I’m so sorry.”  
  
He snorted.  “For what?  Shooting me?  You didn’t do that, the Illusive Man did.  Or the Reapers, or whoever was trying to control all of us with their god damn indoctrination.”  Patting me on the shoulder, he led me toward the campfire.  “Don’t blame yourself.  You’re a good soldier, Shepard.  The best.  I’ll probably never understand how we all got here.  Hell, we should all be dead.  But I’m not going to question it.  I’m just damn relieved to see you alive.”  
  
“Amen to that,” Vega chimed, holding up a cup of what I assumed to be some kind of watered down mead if my previous meals in this world were any indication.  My theory was verified after Morrigan served me my own drink with an expression that was hard to read.  Taking the cup in hand, I eyed her suspiciously as my mind wandered to the memory of the glances she and Kaidan exchanged in the tower.  I needed to clear the air.  
  
Taking a few paces away from the others, I motioned her to me.  “Morrigan, a word.”  
  
Joining me on the far side of the fire, she folded her arms defensively.  “Yes?”  
  
“Explain what you did to my crew.”  
  
“And here I thought you were going to thank me for saving your lives.”  She shifted her weight to her back leg.  “You mean the marks our ritual left behind.”  
  
I bit my tongue, trying to keep myself in check.  “What did your ‘ritual’ entail, exactly?”  
  
“It involved a mixture of herbs and incantations.  By pouring a liquid containing dragon’s blood, among other things, over your naked bodies, the liquid absorbs the properties of your life force.”  She continued as though what she were describing was as benign as brewing a pot of coffee.  “Scraping it into a vile while it is still on your skin, your tracking device is thus joined to the vile instead of you.  My mother is nothing if not ingenious.”  
  
Clenching my fists, I tried to control my tone as I asked my final question.  “And you did this to Kaidan?”  
  
“Oh yes.  I conducted the ritual on Kaidan while my mother was able to complete it for you and James.  It was quite necessary to keep the darkspawn from following us here.”  Her eyebrow twitched upward, her head tilted back as she looked down her nose at me.  “His armor was quite complicated to remove.  But I managed.”  
  
Her nonchalant response infuriated me even more.  Narrowing my eyes, I seriously considered punching her for that final comment.  Clearly perceiving my anger, she softened her tone.  “If you are worried, you needn’t fear anything from me.  I am no threat; your precious Kaidan is fully devoted to you alone.  He made that very clear.”  With that, she walked away.  
  
I could feel Kaidan’s eyes on me, likely wondering what Morrigan and I had just discussed.  With hands on my hips, I took a moment to collect myself, concentrating on putting my judgments aside.  If we were to survive another Reaper invasion, we needed all the allies we could get, and after watching her fight, I knew for a fact that I’d rather have her for me than against me.  But Kaidan was right; I didn’t trust her.  Not in the slightest.  
  
As I joined the rest of the group around the fire, Vega held up his cup.  “They serve alcohol for breakfast!  Why didn’t we think of that?”  
  
“I’ve been told this isn’t the type of place where you’d want to drink the water.  But careful, James.  I know it’s hard for you to hold your liquor,” I teased.  
  
“Only at the parties you throw, Lola,” he retorted, his grin turning into a chance to clear his throat after receiving a sideways glance from Anderson.  
  
After Theresa handed me a bowl of porridge, she bit her lower lip as she eyed a place next to Vega.  I couldn’t help but notice a slight tinge appearing on her cheeks when he made room for to sit, waving her over and patting the ground next to him.   _Oh boy, here we go,_ I thought.   _James can’t go anywhere without having admirers._  
  
As Kaidan motioned for me to join him on the far side of the fire, I noticed someone was missing.  Before I could inquire further, I felt a hand on my arm and turned to see Flemeth, her eyes glowing with curiosity.  “You harnessed your power, girl.  Well done.  We have much to discuss.”    
  
I extended her a curt nod.  “Thank you for all your help, and I’m anxious to talk with you, believe me.”  Looking to Theresa, I asked, “Where’s Alistair?”  
  
She exchanged heavy glances with Vega and Kaidan before answering.  “The Grey Wardens…Duncan…”  
  
Morrigan finished her thought.  “The man who was to respond to your signal quit the field.  The darkspawn won your battle.  Those he abandoned were massacred.  Your friend…he is not taking it well.”  Pointing toward a dirt path, she continued.  “That trail leads to a small clearing.  But he made it clear he wished to sulk alone.”  
  
My heart sank at the thought of Duncan, the king, and the rest of the Grey Wardens falling to the darkspawn.  Did we not light the beacon soon enough?  What went wrong?  I’m sure those were the same questions running through Alistair’s mind, and if I knew him as well as I thought I did, he was spending the time alone to thoroughly blame himself.  
  
“I already tried,” Theresa stated with a mouth full of biscuit, reading my thoughts.  “He doesn’t want to talk.”  
  
With bowl and cup in hand, I returned Kaidan’s questioning look with an apologetic smile.  Turning away from my companions, I began walking down the narrow path, leaving the warmth of the fire behind as I looked for Alistair.  
  
The journey took longer than I had anticipated, and after about five minutes, I was beginning to think I’d made a wrong turn.  I stopped to take in my surroundings.  This area of the forest was denser than I had seen in other parts, and for the first time, I noticed there was little wildlife save for an occasional birdsong.  The darkspawn had driven all living things away, leaving destruction and death in their wake.  
  
”Go away, Shepard.”  
  
Alistair’s voice startled me, and I turned toward the direction of the sound.  After rounding a large oak and following a narrow stream, I came upon an open glade.  He was perched on a large fallen tree trunk, his back toward me with sword and shield at his feet.  I recognized the place immediately; it was the same glade as in the Fade, the same tree trunk Thane and I had sat upon.   _So, this is where it begins._  
  
Ignoring Alistair’s command, I took the remaining steps to reach him.  “How did you know it was me?”  
  
One leg was tucked under his chin with his back hunched over it, making him appear smaller than he really was.  “I always know.”  
  
That wasn’t helpful, but it was a start.  “Okay then.”  I placed the bowl and cup by his side.  “I brought you some breakfast.”  
  
His back was still toward me, but his broken voice communicated all I needed to know.  “Don’t you have someone else you’d rather be with right now?  I don’t want to talk to you.”  
  
Taking a seat next to him, I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.  “Who said anything about talking?”  
  
He let out an annoyed sigh and scooched away from me.  We sat in silence, with only the sound of the breeze rustling the leaves to keep us company.  After several moments, Alistair turned his head away, wiping the back of his gloved hand over his eyes.  The silence remained, and I sat as still as I could, waiting for him to speak.  Experience with new recruits who lost comrades in the field taught me that my methods would produce a torrent, a lashing as his feelings finally exploded to the surface.  But it was necessary to drain the wound, or it would fester into an infection of doubt and self-loathing that may never heal.  
  
“You summoned a demon.”  
  
_Now we’re getting somewhere._ I responded with a measured tone.  “I’m not sure how that happened, actually.  It surprised me as much as anyone.  But at least it went after the darkspawn instead of us.”  
  
Finally, he faced me, his hands gripping his knees.  “You’re a maleficar.  You’re working with the Witch of the Wilds.  And I let you walk right into our camp.  I’m such a fool.”  
  
I stuck out my bottom lip and furrowed my brow.  “Can you do me a favor and fill me in on what that is, exactly?  I’m assuming this ‘witch’ you’re referring to is Flemeth?”  
  
“Everything you’ve said is a lie, isn’t it?  I fell for it, and now everyone’s dead.”  He leaned forward, holding his head in his hands, his voice barely a whisper.  “It would have been better never to have found you.”  
  
His words pierced me deeper than I anticipated.  I tried to reach out, but he shrank from my touch.  “Alistair, we’re on the same side.  The darkspawn were trying to kill me.  The archdemon is bent on destroying me.  Why in the world would I be in league with them?”  
  
He stood abruptly, the cup spilling into the dead leaves.  “I don’t know!  But blood magic is evil!  There’s never a good excuse to summon a demon!”  
  
Speaking calmly, I tried to reign in his escalating temper.  “But I don’t know how that happened.  I didn’t mean to do it.”  He began to pace, and my eyes followed his movements.  “I’d never met Flemeth before the tower.  She helped me in the Fade, but that’s all I knew of her.  Does she have a reputation?”  
  
He laughed, berating me.  “A reputation?  She murders Templars!  She kills innocent children!  Blood and damnation, she’s as bad as the archdemon!”  
  
I sat back, stunned.  “Wow, really?  Is there proof of that?  Because I’m with you, that’s pretty bad.”  Rubbing my neck, I tried to think of my next move.  “But for better or for worse, Alistair, she gave me this amulet that saved our lives.  I don’t know why or how, but without her and Morrigan, we’d be dead.  That’s just as true for you as it is for me, and unfortunately, it makes you just as indebted to them as I am.”  
  
All of this was a distraction from the true problem, anger to quell the grief.  But it was his pain that I needed to access, to help him face.   _It’s time to drain the wound._  
  
“Let’s cut to the chase, Alistair.  I know what you’re thinking.  That if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have been forced to be on sitter duty and relegated to lighting the beacon.  You blame yourself, that you failed in even that menial task.  Because of you, Loghain didn’t get the signal in time.  Because of you, everyone on that battlefield died.  If you hadn’t saved me, the darkspawn wouldn’t have come in such force and the Grey Wardens would have succeeded in driving them back.”  I stood slowly, challenging him as I watched his body tense, his lip curl into a snarl.  Looking into his eyes, I dealt the final blow.  “You’re thinking that Duncan would still be alive if you’d have let me die.”  
  
I picked up his sword and shoved the pommel into his hand.  Drawing my daggers, I stood in position, ready to fight.  “If that’s true, then by all means, do something about it.”  
  
As he gripped the hilt with both hands, I braced myself for his charge.  But while I could see the fire burning behind his eyes, he didn’t make another move.  “I don’t want to fight you, Shepard,” he growled.  
  
Taking a step toward him, I goaded him on.  “Fight or talk.  Those are your choices.”  
  
Letting out a pent up roar, he came at me and delivered a sloppy blow.  I countered him easily, deflecting his sword to the ground.  “None of this is your fault, Alistair!”  
  
“I should have died with him!  I should have stayed by his side!”  He thrust the blade toward me, making me take a step back.    
  
I kept my defensive stance.  “And what would that have accomplished?  One more dead body for the darkspawn, and one less Grey Warden to defeat them.”    
  
We circled one another warily, Alistair’s body bent over as he panted in anger and frustration.  “It should have been me!  He was supposed to end the Blight, and now he’s left me behind.  What am I supposed to do?  I can’t defeat the archdemon!  I’m no one!”  Letting the point of his sword drop to the ground, he fell to his knees.  “I’m no one…”  
  
Bowing his forehead to rest on the cold blade, he began to weep.  “I can’t do this without him.  I can’t…”  
  
Without saying a word, I sheathed my daggers.  Kneeling beside him, I encircled my arms around his shoulders, the percussion of his sobs making my own body shudder in time with his.  He fell to his haunches, his sword falling into the dead leaves, arms hanging limply at his sides.    
  
“He was the only one…the only one who ever chose me.  The only one who ever wanted me.  He made me feel like I mattered.  And now he’s dead.”  
  
Finally letting go, he leaned his body into mine as he wept bitterly, his temple coming to rest against my chest.  Placing my chin on the top of his head, I felt the wetness of his tears flow down my neck.  My heart broke for the man in my arms because I knew precisely how he felt.  How many times had I doubted, blamed myself, and put on a façade of confidence when I was secretly shaking?  I gave him the words that I always longed to hear when I felt the most broken, infusing strength into his weakness.  “You matter, Alistair.  If you trust Duncan’s judgment, then you can never doubt that you matter.”  Making up my mind, I swore a solemn vow.  “Whatever needs to happen to win this war, we’ll do it together, do you hear me?  You’re not alone in this.”  
  
I felt his chest expand and contract with a heavy sigh and his body relax.  With my left arm bracing him against me, I used the other to cradle his cheek.  My thumb wiped away the evidence of his grief as my fingers ran patterns through his hair.  We stayed that way for a time, saying nothing, the rhythmic movement of my right hand finally bringing his breathing under control.    
  
Pulling away from me, he wiped his eyes on the back of his leather gauntlets.  “I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.  You must think I’m a blubbering child.”  
  
Placing a hand on his knee, I shook my head.  “I’ve had my fair share of break downs.  I’ll never think less of you for it, Alistair.”  
  
He looked at me with appreciation in his eyes.  “Thank you.  And Shepard, all of those things I said…it was awful of me.  I’m sorry.  I need you to know I don’t really feel that way.  I’m glad I found you.”  
  
I waved his apology away.  “Don’t worry about it.  I’m sure I’ll say something to you I’ll regret someday, so just remember this moment as my ‘get out of jail free’ card.”  
  
He raised an eyebrow in mock astonishment.  “Do they make such cards?”  
  
I let out an amused laugh.  “It’s an expression where I come from.  I’m not positive, but I think it comes from an old game people used to play back on Earth.”  
  
Letting a half-hearted smile show, he picked up his sword and stood to his feet.  I followed suit, brushing the dirt and leaves from my knees.  He wrinkled his nose at the bowl I had delivered.  “Cold porridge?”  
  
I bent over to collect his shield.  “It wasn’t cold when I brought it, you know.”  
  
Waiting patiently for him to gather himself, I stood by his side as he assembled the rest of his belongings.  Eventually, he came to stand in front of me.  “Why did you do this, Shepard?  Help me like this?” he asked softly, his eyes searching for an answer in mine.  
  
Giving him the shield, I placed a hand on his shoulder to hold his gaze.  “Because it’s what friends do.  I care about you, Alistair.”  I hit him in the arm and winked with a grin as I added, “A great deal.”  
  
He smirked roguishly.  “Is that so?”  
  
Allowing him to lead the way, we began the journey back to camp, walking together in comfortable silence and armed with fresh resolve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The soundtrack for this chapter I'd name as "Mourning the Fallen". This song was what I had playing in my mind during the scene with Alistair: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmqcxxV81so
> 
> This is what's known as a "recap" chapter to help everyone who hasn't had time to read through the previous chapters. So, hopefully this is helpful to see where we've been in only ONE FLIPPING WEEK of being in Thedas. Holy crimety.
> 
> The scene with Alistair is one I've been dying to write. It's been stuck in my brain for months and it felt so good to finally get it out. I hope I was able to convey how he's slowly, SLOWLY transitioning from a boy to a man. He's so vulnerable after the battle, and I really wanted to convey how he was in a stubborn, almost child-like state before finally letting it all out, taking those steps to start maturing through hardship with Shepard's help.
> 
> If I utterly failed in getting that across, now you at least know what I was TRYING to do.
> 
> Thank you, as always, for your feedback and comments! I love you all for it!


	18. The Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard speaks with the Normandy and gets an unexpected riding lesson.

“So to recap, I died and went to the Fade where my Spirit, which is Justice, was created.  It’s still there, while I’m here in the real world.  But it can’t cross the Veil without being rejoined with me somehow, which would likely drag me back into the Fade for good or, in other words, kill me.”  I folded my arms over my chest and added drolly, “Makes perfect sense.”  
  
Flemeth poked the logs in the fireplace with an iron rod, causing sparks to fly as the flames licked upward in an attempt to chase away the chill of autumn.  “First of all, the Fade is just as real as the waking world.  Second of all, unless you believe the Chantry stories, you are the first I have ever known to return from residing in the Fade.  While mages can be possessed by a Spirit not associated with them, there is no precedent for reuniting one’s own Spirit with their body.  I predict that you would not survive it.  Other than that, what you say is correct.”  Leaning forward slightly, her tone was grave.  “You successfully summoned your Spirit in the tower.  Now learn to control it.”  
  
I rolled my neck in an attempt to relax my aching shoulders.  I had been sitting with Flemeth inside her hut for over two hours to try and glean her insights.  Meanwhile, Alistair and Theresa were busy giving my crew a lesson in Blights, the Fade, and how to wear the leather armor Flemeth had provided for them.  My mental image of Kaidan in leather was proving to be a bit distracting, although I shuddered to think of where Flemeth procured it.  
  
Sighing heavily, I forced my mind to focus on the sensation I felt before I ‘tore the Veil’, as Flemeth put it.  It was hard to believe I could direct that feeling in any effective way, but I knew the price of failure could be deadly.  “How can I control this…ability…if I don’t even know how I made it happen to begin with?  Last I checked, a shockwave threw everyone back with a force so strong, it knocked us all out.  I can’t afford to have that happen again.”  
  
Sitting in the straight-backed chair in front of me once more, Flemeth’s eyebrow twitched upward in an attempt at patience.  “Your Spirit reacted to a threat of its own will, just as you reach out to catch yourself when you stumble.  You do not control the action; it happens instinctively.”  Stretching out her arms, she moved her fingers slightly, causing a bright flame to ignite between them.   “When you wish to move your right hand, you do not tell it to do so; you simply move it.  Your Spirit is the same.  Meditate, explore this other side of yourself, and you will begin to use your power as easily as your right hand.”  She snuffed out the fiery ball with a snap of her fingers, revealing my dog tags lying across her open palms.  “Concentrate and practice.  You will learn, with time.”  
  
“My tags!  But how…”    
  
A fleeting smile softened her harsh features for a moment, and she let the silver chain fall into my lap.  “It matters not.  They are yours, and now I return them to you.”  
  
How Flemeth came to possess the dog tags I had lost at Ostegar was beyond me, but while I was glad to have them back, I was heartbroken to see my ring missing.  “Did you happen to find anything else?”    
  
She picked up a wooden cup on a nearby stand, bringing it to her lips only to find it empty.  Scowling, she set it down again.  “That is all I have.  I am sorry.”  
  
“Well, thank you for finding these, at least.”  Crestfallen, I draped the tags around my neck, hearing them chink against the dark amulet.  Weary from so much discussion and anxious to join the others, I settled on one final question.  “Apparently there’s a rumor floating around that you’re a wicked witch that murders innocent people.  Is that true?”  
  
She let out a snide laugh.  “And who told you that?  No, do not tell me.  I already know.  It is a tale told to children to make them behave, lest the ‘witch of the wilds’ come and take them in their sleep.  I am a convenient scapegoat because of my reclusiveness, but I have hoped to protect my daughter from the same fate.  That is part of why she will be accompanying you.”  
  
“You didn’t really answer my question.”  I then realized the full extent of her reply and my eyes shot open in alarm.  “Wait a minute, what?”  Even the suggestion of having Morrigan traveling with us made me bristle.  “That really won't be necessary.”  
  
Disregarding my comment, Flemeth made her way to the other side of the room.  “She will be a help to you, and not only with her magic.  She can teach you how to focus your skills.”  She pushed open the narrow door and stepped outside, the sunlight making the room suddenly appear even more dark and dingy.    
  
I stood to stretch my legs, feeling the cold breeze hit my face.  “Why don’t you let me take a stab at it on my own and if I need help, I’ll know where to find you.”  
  
Looking upward to the sky, she squinted her eyes against the noon-day sun.  Her faint response seemed directed at herself more than to me.  “I very much doubt that, child.”  She turned toward me once more.  “Come, Shepard, ‘tis time you were off.  Your real journey soon begins.”  
  
It appeared that Alistair and Theresa were finished with their lesson.  Kaidan and Vega had changed into their Alliance armor, and the group was busy loading their packs.  I immediately went to Kaidan’s side and gave his elbow a squeeze.  “How was it out here?”  
  
He rubbed his chin, the back of his fingers grazing up the side of his cheek.  “I might need some flash cards.”  His comment tugged a smile out of me, and he grinned in return.  “What about you?  That must have been one hell of a pep talk you gave Alistair.”  
  
I looked toward the Grey Warden that had saved my life, currently caught up in discussions with Vega about swords and shotguns.  “He’s green, Kaidan.  He’s a good follower, and Duncan was a good leader.  But now that Duncan’s gone, he’s a bit lost.  He’ll find his way, though, I’m sure of it.”  
  
“You always were good with new recruits.”  He shielded his eyes against the bright daylight.  “Did you figure out what Flemeth and her daughter are really after?”  
  
I shrugged.  “Just that they think I’m the Savior of the world because of what happened at the tower.  It’s something I can evidently learn to control without sending all of you flying against walls.”  
  
Taking stock of the motley group, he crossed his arms as he wondered aloud.  “This place is crazy, right?  Like it got stuck in the past when everything else kept moving forward.  I just hope Liara and EDI have found some answers by the time we get back to the Normandy.  If we failed in killing the Reapers, we need to get back to Earth, and soon.”  
  
My hand shot out, gripping his arm tightly.  “Did you say EDI?”  
  
Gently placing his hand over mine, his expression relaxed.  “Yes, Shepard.  EDI, too.  In fact, what do you say we give the Normandy a status update right now?”  
  
The prospect of talking with the crew I thought I had lost made me giddy inside.  “Please, yes!  It’s about time.”  
  
His eyes flashed as he leaned in close.  “I hope I can get you to say that again once we get back to our quarters.”   _Our quarters_ …my heart raced at the thought.  The warmth of his lips on my neck instantly gave me goosebumps; he knew I could never resist his cruel, delicious taunts.   _Two can play at this game._   Biting my lower lip, I grabbed him gruffly by his chestplate, pulling his face within a hair’s breadth of mine.  “Wait until you hear what’ll be coming out of your mouth by the time I’m done with you…Major.”  
  
Grinning mischievously, he nuzzled my cheek with his nose.  “I’ll say anything you want if you just…”  
  
“Major!”  We both jumped at the sound of Anderson’s voice.  Looking his way revealed the entire group standing by, watching our every move.  Morrigan let out a snort of disgust.  Embarrassed, I let go of Kaidan as he cleared his throat.  “We were…just going to contact the Normandy.  To give them a sitrep, sir.”   
  
“Then what are you waiting for?  Get it done, son.”  
  
Kaidan nodded respectfully as he glanced my way.  “Yes, sir.”  My cheeks were thoroughly burning, and I caught Theresa stifling a laugh.  
  
Opening a channel with his omnitool, the familiar orange glow illuminated the lines of exhaustion on Kaidan’s face.  I briefly remembered his comment about searching for me for days, and I wondered how much he’d actually slept.    
  
“Normandy?  Come in, Normandy.  You won’t believe what we picked up.”  
  
Garrus’ voice reverberated throughout the clearing in reply.  “Alenko, we’ve been pinging you for the last eight hours.  What the hell happened to you?”  
  
“Garrus!”  I could hardly contain my exhilaration.  The Normandy, my crew, here in this world…it was beyond my wildest hopes.  
  
Rarely was Garrus taken aback, but the shock in his voice made it clear that this was a notable exception.  “Shepard?  What the hell are you doing here?  We thought you were dead!”  
  
I could picture the turian in my mind’s eye, leaning over the control panel in the engine room, his deep vibrato always having a calming effect on my nerves.  Other than Joker, he was the only crew member that stood by me without question from the beginning, and I realized I couldn’t wait to see him again.    
  
“That’s the second time you’ve said that to me,” I replied.  “You should know me better by now.”  
  
Garrus chuckled.  “Damn, we had a memorial service and everything.  Now you’ve gone and ruined it.”  
  
Looking to Kaidan, I raised an eyebrow in surprise.  “Now that I would have liked to see.”  
  
“We’ve got a lot to talk about,” Garrus continued.  “You probably know this, Shepard, but the Normandy is out of commission.  We think we’ve found something to power the engines, but the natives here are preventing us from mining it.  Not that they can really stop us, but diplomatic relations aren’t Joker’s strong suit, and he’s the only one they’ll talk to because he’s human.  Don’t get me wrong, they hate humans, but I guess the devil you know...well, no pun intended.”  
  
“We hear you,” Kaidan replied.  “After we find a command console, you’re our next stop.”  
  
“Hurry it up.  We could use you guys back here to smooth things over before they try to use their little sticks on us again.  Hell, sic Shepard on ‘em.  She can talk anyone into just about anything.”  
  
I couldn’t help but smirk.  “I have so many retorts for that comment, Garrus, but they’ll have to wait.  Now for the bad news.  Unfortunately, there’s no command console here.  These people have never heard of Earth.  As far as I can tell, they’re an undiscovered colony.”  
  
Punching codes into his own omnitool, Vega quickly scanned the vicinity.  “Not just no command consoles.  No anything.  No tech whatsoever.”  
  
I could picture Garrus shaking his head as his groan came through the comm.  “So our little elf friends aren’t the only primitive race on this planet.  Fantastic.  I can’t wait to tell the gang that one.  They’ll be overjoyed.”  
  
I eyed Theresa as her brows furrowed in offense.  “I should tell you that one of those ‘little elf friends’ is also a newfound friend of mine, and I don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors with that attitude.”  
  
Vega saved the day by giving Theresa an apologetic smile.  “You’ll like ‘em once you get to know them, Garrus, trust me.”  Her posture immediately softened as Vega continued.  “As for the crew, just lead with ‘sorry, there’s no way to contact Earth’ and follow it up with, ‘but guess what?  Shepard’s alive!’”  
  
“Not just Shepard.”  Anderson’s baritone filled the clearing.  “Tell them Admiral Anderson is also, and I want a full report on the Normandy’s condition the instant I step foot onto that ship.  Understood?”  
  
While the admiral was usually focused on getting the job done, he was acting unusually snappy.  Not generally one to allow tension to hang unaddressed, I also knew we needed to move before we lost more daylight.  I made a mental note to question Anderson later.  His experiences here may have been just as jarring as mine, especially in the hands of Flemeth and Morrigan.  
  
“Understood, sir,” I heard Garrus respond.  “And it’s good to hear you made it.”  
  
As we wrapped up our conversation with the Normandy, I noticed Flemeth walking toward us with several small pouches in hand.  One by one, she gave them to James, Anderson, Kaidan and I as she spoke.  “Within these pouches is a vial that is joined with your tracking devices.  The bond is dormant.  Be well aware that when you relink those devices, the darkspawn will know of your presence and will hunt for you.”  Her look pierced through me as she willed me to heed her words carefully.  “But you now have the ability to lead them astray with these vials.   Use this to your advantage.”  
  
I ran my fingers over the supple leather, untying the strings to peer inside.  A small glass cylinder filled with a dark red liquid sat nestled in cotton, its simple cork top keeping it contained.  The others did the same.  Kaidan looked at me as he cocked his head to the side briefly, a silent request.  As he retreated into the forest, I left the pouch near my pack and broke away from the others to follow.  
  
In the shadows, the air was especially cool.  I shivered slightly, wrapping my arms around my body.  The light filtering through the trees danced over Kaidan’s form in front of me as it reflected off of his backplate, and I couldn't help but admire the view.  After we were out of earshot of the camp, he stopped, drawing me in with his penetrating gaze.  
  
“Kaidan, what…”  
  
Before I could finish, his hand grabbed my elbow to pull me into his chest.  His lips collided with mine, the heat a stark contrast to the cold.  I moaned instinctively before returning the kiss as our tongues sought dominance over the other.  As his arms wrapped around my waist in a vice-like grip, I pressed myself into him.  Even through our armor, I reveled in the feeling.  Gasping for air, he finally broke away before we found ourselves rolling in the leaves.  
  
“Sorry to interrupt the feelings of doom out there, Shepard, but being near you is driving me crazy.”    
  
I sighed against him, my cheek coming to rest on his shoulder.  “You should know better than to ever apologize for that.”  
  
He kissed my neck gently.  “I’m so glad we found you.  All of this talk of Blights and darkspawn and mystery vials is even more reason to get off this planet and back to Earth.  I’m grateful for what these people have done for us, but it’s time we parted ways.  We need to get back to the Normandy and get our asses home.”  
  
Tensing, I grabbed his elbows and pushed him from me.  “Alistair and Theresa saved my life, Kaidan.  And they need our help.  They don’t even understand what they’re really up against.”  
  
His arms dropped to his sides.  “We don’t know what happened after you activated the Crucible.  Before we make any decisions, we need a status report.  If the Reapers are still out there, we should get back to Earth and gather more resources.  Then we can come back here with more firepower.”  
  
I shook my head, exasperation seeping through in my tone.  “There’s no way they’ll spare ships to defend an undiscovered colony above the home worlds of the Council.”  
  
“That’s the Alliance’s call, not ours.”  
  
“No, that’s political bullshit!  If we leave, these people die.  For some reason, I’m the key to defeating this thing, defeating the darkspawn.  I don’t know why or how, but you saw what happened in that tower.  I can’t abandon them.  I won’t.”  
  
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Kaidan grimaced.  “Ending up on this planet was a coincidence to begin with.  We have a bigger obligation.  If we don’t go where we’re most needed, millions of people could die, not just a few.  Surely you can see that.”  
  
I folded my arms across my chest.  I wasn’t going to change my mind, not after the promise I made to Alistair.  “If it’s so important for the Normandy to go back, then go.”  
  
He narrowed his eyes.  “Don’t play that card.  I’m not leaving you here and you know it.”  
  
“Then stay and help me.”  
  
“Damn it, Shepard, why do you always have to take on fights that aren’t yours?”  
  
I hissed the words through clenched teeth.  “This is our fight!  It’s a damn Reaper, Kaidan!  Last I checked, that’s what we’re all fighting!”  
  
He let out a low rumble, his face outlined in frustration.  “You are the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met.  You know that, don’t you?”  He sighed in resignation.  “Look, we can’t leave until the Normandy is operational anyway.  Until then, we do what we can to help.  But after she’s air-worthy, we send a recon back to Earth.  If the Alliance needs us, we follow orders.  Deal?”  
  
Letting out a heavy sigh, I leaned into the compromise before our argument spiraled any further.  “Fine.  We reevaluate after the Normandy is up and running.”  I laid a hand on his chest, concentrating on the outline of his facial features as daylight flickered over them through the leaves.  “Please try to see it from my point of view.  Without Alistair, I wouldn’t even be standing here.  I owe him.”    
  
He rubbed my shoulders, his hands running down my arms and his fingers intertwining in mine.  “Remember other points of view, too.  You know I love you, but sometimes you have severe tunnel vision.”  
  
“That’s why I have you.”  I brushed a light kiss against his lips before turning to join the others.  I hoped that by the time we got the Normandy back in the air, my crew would understand the need to stay.  How was fighting this Reaper any different than fighting a Reaper on the turian’s home planet or the asari’s?  A Reaper is a Reaper, and lives are lives.  They shouldn’t be categorized and prioritized.  I had given Alistair my word, and I intended to keep it.  
  
“The Treaties!”  I broke through the trees in time to see Alistair running his hands over several parchments that Flemeth had just given him.  “Duncan was looking for these before he…before he died.”  
  
Flemeth looked upon him grimly.  “Make no mistake, boy.  If you believe this is truly a Blight, you will need every ally you can call upon for aid.  Dwarves, elfs, mages, you will need them all if you are to succeed.”  
  
Keeping his eyes on the scrolls before him, his nostrils flared in anger.  “You stole these from the ruins.  Why?  You’re the Witch of the Wilds, aren’t you?”  
  
Flemeth regarded him with an air of annoyance.  “The protection runes had long worn off; I was keeping them safe for you and I give them to you freely now.  And what does that title mean?  I know a bit of magic, and it has served you all well, has it not?”  
  
His gaze shot up to meet hers, his voice breaking.  “Then why didn’t you save Duncan?  He is…was our leader.”  
  
Flemeth’s voice lacked all compassion.  “I am sorry for your Duncan, but your grief must come later.  Duty must come now.  It has always been the Grey Wardens’ responsibility to unite the lands against the Blight.  Shepard’s arrival has not changed that.”  
  
Turning toward Theresa, Alistair allowed her to look at the scrolls herself.  “These parchments are promises made to the Grey Wardens that each race shall come to our aid during a Blight.  We’re the only two Grey Wardens left in Ferelden now.  So can we do this?  Go to elves, mages, dwarves and other places to…build an army and defeat the archdemon?”  
  
Although I hadn't seen her leave, Morrigan suddenly returned with provisions – loaves of bread, small wheels of hard cheeses, salted meats, and pears.  “Fare thee well, all of you.  May you arrive safely back to wherever you came from.”  Dropping the large bags of food into the grass at our feet, she began to retreat back to the hut.  
  
“You will be going with them, Morrigan.”    
  
Flemeth’s words seemed to cut through her daughter like a spear through the gut.  “What do you mean, Mother?  Do I not have a say in this?”  
  
Coming to stand between Morrigan and her escape route, Flemeth caused her to take a step back.  “You have been itching to leave the Wilds for years.  This is your chance.  As for the rest of you, consider this repayment for your lives.”  
  
Kaidan scowled, his hand cutting a sharp line through the air.  “No way.  She’s not coming.  Not after what happened at the tower.”  
  
Morrigan returned the sneer with a spitting retort.  “Oh, you mean the part where I saved your life and healed your broken back?”  
  
Incensed, Kaidan took a step toward her.  “No, the part where you lied to us about Shepard and sent us on a wild goose chase.”  
  
“You were the ones that left me behind!”  
  
“Enough!”  Flemeth’s ire caused both to stop in their tracks, their mouths still hanging open in mid-argument.  “As I recall, my daughter guided you through the Wilds when you would have likely fallen into a mud pit and drowned.  The same fate awaits you if you do not use her as a guide through this land back to your ship.”  
  
Raising his index finger in the air, Alistair dared to chimed in.  “Not to look a gift horse in the mouth but…won’t this add to our problems?  She’s an apostate.”  
  
“If you do not want our help from us illegal mages, young man, perhaps we should have left you in that tower,” Flemeth snapped back.  
  
Alistair wilted under her gaze.  “Point…taken.”  
  
“I think we need all the help we can get,” Anderson added, trying to calm Kaidan down.  “We should let her come with us.”  
  
Morrigan stammered.  “But, I’m not ready!”  
  
“You must be ready, girl.  Without you, Shepard and the Grey Wardens will surely fail, and all will fall under the Blight, including me.”  
  
Silence permeated the space between them until Morrigan finally acquiesced.  “I…understand.  Allow me to get my things.”  
  
With my hands on my hips, I looked to the ground, thinking of how to convince Theresa to take a side trip to the Normandy and help my crew.  If they were struggling with negotiations with the Dalish, she could be a huge asset.  Fortunately, I didn’t have to think long.  
  
“If we’re going to do this, to build an army, we can start with the elves.  I’m coming with you, Shepard,” Theresa stated resolutely.  “If your people need help smoothing things over with my people, and as the Grey Wardens, we need to call upon them for aid against the Blight, we might as well accompany you.”  
  
I let out a sigh of relief.  “Thank you, Theresa.  I appreciate that more than you know.”  I looked toward Alistair.  “Will you come with us?”  
  
Swallowing hard, Alistair took a deep breath.  “I know you're anxious to see you friends and I do want to come with you, but perhaps it would be better if I went north to Redcliff and joined you later.  We need to find out what happened back at Ostegar and why Loghain acted as he did.  Arl Eamon was sending his army to fight against the darkspawn, but they didn’t make it in time.  That means they’re all still alive.  And I know the arl well.  He’s a good man and could provide horses, which is much faster than traveling on foot.”    
  
With a sharp clack of her tongue, a brown mare suddenly trotted to Flemeth’s side from the shadows of the forest.  “Speaking of horses, I found this one roaming around the Wilds after the battle.  You may take him if you wish.  I have no use for such a beast.”  
  
The horse neighed loudly, shaking its head and smacking its tail against its hindquarters.  It was saddled and bridled, just as it was before it likely threw its rider and fled for its own life.  Stomping its feet, its large, black eyes twitched nervously as though it could feel the darkspawn still nipping at its heels.  Alistair approached the steed cautiously, whispering words of comfort until he was rubbing its nose and stroking its broad neck reassuringly.  It calmed at Alistair’s touch, nuzzling his hand in appreciation.  
  
Flemeth folded her arms.  “And who here knows how to ride a horse besides this man?”  
  
Each one of us shook our heads, including Theresa.  “I’ve ridden harts on bareback a couple of times, but they’re nothing like a horse.”  
  
“Yeah, we don’t generally use that kind of transportation where we come from,” Vega added.  
  
Checking the tack, Alistair tightened the straps and gave the horse a final pat.  “I grew up around horses.  My uncle had quite a few, and we used to race them around the hinterlands when I was a boy.”  A smile flickered across his features at the recollection.  “I could ride him to Redcliff.  That's probably where he came from, anyway.”  
  
Flemeth raised an eyebrow as she looked to Alistair.  “I believe two could ride that mount, wouldn't you agree?”  
  
He nodded slightly.  “I suppose, but it would have to be someone light.  He couldn’t carry two heavily armed men and their packs.”  
  
I looked around the group, assessing each in turn.  “How long will it take to get to the Normandy on foot?”  
  
Vega stood on one leg as he rolled the ankle of the other, wincing at the memory.  “It took us five days, but that was with a light under our asses.  I’d say realistically, a week.”  
  
Kaidan nodded in agreement.  “But whoever rides that horse could probably get there in three, four days tops.”  
  
Alistair’s head was bowed, deep in thought.  “I have an idea.  Care to hear it?”  
  
I nodded.  “Of course.”  
  
He reiterated his previous suggestion.  “Once on the road, I could arrive in Redcliff from here in two days and collect one more mount, three if I had someone to help me.  I could also learn what happened at Ostegar from soldiers that likely fled there after the battle, and we could secure aid from the arl.  North of the Wilds, the terrain is much easier.  If I find a good lead horse, the others I bring back could be your own mounts after a little training, thus almost completely eliminating the need to walk the span of Thedas to secure aid from other places.”  He furrowed his brow.  “The only thing missing is how to rendezvous with all of you.  But if we figured that part out, I could arrive at your ship with the extra steeds at the same time you would arrive on foot, maybe even sooner.”  
  
After a few moments of pondering, Vega nodded his head.  “It's actually a good plan, except that he would need an omnitool to find the Normandy, and it’s a steep learning curve for someone that’s never seen tech before.  That means the person going with him needs to know how to use one.”  
  
Anderson adjusted his cap, wiping dirt from his forehead.  “We don’t know how long we’ll be here, and if he can arrive at the ship at the same time as the rest of us, there’s no downside to sending someone with him to get more resources and learn whatever they can about this place.”  He cocked his head toward me.  “It has to be you, Shepard.”  
  
I barked a sharp laugh.  “Me?  On that thing?  With Alistair?  With all due respect, sir...”  
  
Vega let out a chuckle, and I could tell he was enjoying my discomfort a little too much.  “What’s the matter, Lola?  Scared?”  
  
Scoffing, I glared in Vega’s direction.  The horse had resumed stomping its hooves, and Alistair had to hold the reins to keep it from bolting.  Trusting myself to a mode of transportation I couldn’t directly control was not a comforting thought; neither was being bodily pressed against Alistair for hours on end.  “Very funny, James.  I just…well it’s just that…really?”  I couldn’t come up with a good reason.  They were right; I was the logical choice.  I could be the eyes and ears for the Normandy, guide us back to the ship, and allow Theresa time with my crew to learn about the situation with the elves. I hated to admit it, but as ridiculous as it sounded, it made sense.  
  
Concern clearly etched on his face, Kaidan handed me his omnitool.  “Since yours is broken, use mine.”  He began to approach Alistair, and I started to reach out in alarm to stop whatever admonition Kaidan was about to give.  Instead, he did something I didn’t expect.  He held out his hand.  
  
“I saw the way you defended Shepard against the darkspawn, and I know you’re the one that found her.  You saved her life.  Out of all the people we’ve met here, I trust you the most.  So keep her safe.”  
  
Bewildered, Alistair returned the gesture, the two men exchanging a hearty handshake.  “I promise you, I will guard her with my life.”  
  
The decision had been made, whether I liked it or not.  “Fine.  Alistair and I will ride to Redcliff.  The rest of you, get to the Normandy as fast as you can.”  
  
As Morrigan reappeared with her belongings, Vega clapped his hands together.  “Okay, people, we have a week’s worth of Sunday strolls through the park ahead of us.  Load up and follow the leader.”  
  
As the group readied their departure, Kaidan gathered me into a warm embrace.  “Promise me you’ll come straight to the Normandy as soon as you have those horses.”  
  
Cupping his cheek, I smiled despite the pit in my stomach at leaving him again.  “Straight home.  I promise.”  
  
He laid a gentle kiss against my temple.  “I’m going to hold you to that, Shepard.”  
  
“Major, let’s go!  We’re burning daylight!”  Vega motioned for him to catch up as Morrigan led the group through the dense trees to the east.  With one final squeeze of my hand and a backwards glance, Kaidan ran to join Theresa, Morrigan, James, and Anderson as they disappeared into the heart of the Korcari Wilds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies on the delay; I've been terribly ill the past two weeks. Still sick, but at least well enough to look at a computer screen for more than a few minutes without giving up my lunch. :)
> 
> This chapter is chock full of dialogue (sorry, friends). Character development. It's what I do, like the seemingly endless dialogue options of Bioware games. It makes for dense chapters, but I'm going for immersiveness; I want you to really feel like you're standing in Shepard's shoes, participating in all of the nuances of the story, picking up on character behavior and tells. I want you to feel what she feels, perceive what she perceives, be anxious about what makes her stomach tie up in knots. That's the idea, anyway!
> 
> Thank you, as always, for reading this and coming on the journey with me. It's not nearly as fun without all of you!


	19. Lothering

“I suggest you change into armor more befitting of the soldiers of Ferelden.  You do not wish to attract unnecessary attention.”  
  
I wrinkled my nose at Flemeth’s counsel.  “I’ll stick with my own, thanks.”  While my N7 suit wasn’t complete due to some key components I had shed before my dash to the beam in London, it was still better than the alternative.  
  
Busying himself with filling the saddle bags with our belongings, Alistair’s reply came briskly.  “No point in trying to reason with her.  It’ll set us back a day at least.”  I turned to give him a playful glare.  
  
Flemeth’s mouth turned downward into a frown, her tone seeped with disapproval.  “The consequences are not only yours to bear, Shepard.  You will do well to remember that.  Much is depending on you.”  
  
Despite her advice, I stood my ground.  “There’s no point in lying about who I am.  It’ll just create a bigger mess when they ask me questions I can’t answer, like ‘Which king did you vote for in the last election?’ or ‘How do you season your pickled crow’s feet?’”  
  
Alistair shook his head.  “Sarcasm.  What did I tell you?  She can’t be reasoned with.  Can we go, now?”  
  
Waving a hand in dismissal, Flemeth retreated back to her hut.  “Travel north and you will join with the Imperial Highway.  Lothering is half a day’s journey from here.  It is on your way and will be a good place for you to gather information.”  Giving us one last glance, she narrowed her eyes, her voice low.  “Until next we meet.”  She closed the small door behind her, leaving Alistair and I alone with the only company between us the nervous, hoof-stomping beast of a horse.    
  
“Was that a goodbye or a threat?” I muttered under my breath.  There was much more to Flemeth than she’d been willing to reveal, but to what extent, I’d probably never know.  
  
Helping Alistair attach the bedrolls, I eyed our transportation warily.  With an air of gentility, he extended his hand.  “Here.  Let me help you up.”  
  
I cleared my throat as the chocolate mare took a step backwards, its hindquarters shaking.   _How do I get myself into these situations?_  Taking a deep breath, I willed myself to grasp his hand.   _I’ve traveled through the Omega 4 relay and taken out an entire Collector base.  I’ve practically ridden a damn thresher maw.  Now suck it up, Shepard._   I tensed as Alistair suddenly leaned down to run his hand behind my left thigh and lift my leg until my knee was bent at a ninety degree angle.  My right hand instinctively shot out to keep from falling.  Not to keep us both in this precarious position for long, he gave me specific instructions.  “Grab the shoe horn with your right hand, place your left foot in the stirrup, and push yourself up until you can swing your right leg over the saddle.  Simple, really.”  
  
I did as instructed and felt Alistair’s hands on my waist, lifting me into position.  I swung my right leg clumsily over the horse’s rear, but after some adjustment, I eventually found myself sitting astride a live animal for the first time in my life.  Removing my foot from the stirrup, Alistair swiftly mounted the steed himself in one practiced, fluid motion, coming to settle himself behind me.  
  
“There we are.  Not so bad, right?”  Alistair’s voice rumbled through his chest and into my back as his words pulsed against my ear.  With my backside firmly pressed between his legs, he threaded his arms underneath mine to hold the reins loosely.  I grabbed the shoehorn as a flutter coursed through my chest.   _This is going to be one of the longest day of my life,_  I swiftly realized, and that was saying something.  
  
With a clack of Alistair’s tongue, the mare lurched into motion with a steady beat of hooves on dirt.  I must have been stiff as a board, because I soon came under Alistair’s teasing admonishment.  “You ride about as well as you use a bow and arrow,” he chided.  
  
I grimaced as I clung to the mount with my legs in an attempt to balance.  “Thanks a lot.  This is my first rodeo, after all.”  
  
“You never forget your first.”  I could sense the smirk in his voice.  “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”  Keeping the reins in his right hand, he wrapped his left arm around me to scoot my behind more squarely into the seat, my thighs now firmly supported against his own.  
  
“Relax.  Let your body move with the horse.  You can lean against me; I won’t let you fall.”  
  
Coercing my muscles to give up their state of rigidity, I forced myself to do as he suggested.  After half an hour, I dared myself to think I was getting the hang of it.  That is, until Alistair sharply clipped ‘trot’ and the mount began to bounce us in a way that reminded me of my days surveying planets in the Mako.  The feeling didn’t last long, however, as the horse moved into a canter.  
  
“Comfortable?” Alistair murmured into my ear.  
  
“You’re getting a weird kick out of this, aren’t you?” I tried my best not to betray my internal struggle with the feeling of his body against mine with his arm surrounding my waist.  It was ridiculous.   _He’s practically a kid,_  I reminded myself, but unfortunately for me, he was a handsome man, I was only human, and my body was reacting in ways my brain was having difficulty overriding.   _Can’t this thing go any faster?_  
  
His laugh was light-hearted.  “I have to admit, it’s amusing to see you out of your element.  I get the feeling you’re usually the one holding the reins, so to speak.”  
  
I forced my emotions down by adding a generous helping of annoyance to my voice.  “Just teach me how to steer this thing on my own by the time we get to Redcliff.”  
  
He chuckled.  “Don’t worry.  You’ll be a pro by the time I’m finished with you.”  I couldn’t tell if he meant to infer innuendos or if the influence of James Vega made me see them in every word.  
  
After a few minutes of silence, Alistair’s voice took on a more serious tone.  “Kaidan is a good man.  I’m glad to have met him.  He’s crazy for you, you know.”  
  
I cleared my throat, grateful for the subject change, and absentmindedly ran my fingers along the edges of the omnitool Kaidan had given me.  “That’ll happen when you’ve been through as much as we have together.  It hasn’t always been easy, but we always seem to find each other.”  Relaxing a bit more into the horse’s stride, I asked, “What about you?  Do you have someone waiting for you?”  
  
His harrumph rolled through me.  “Me?  No.  Templar training didn’t leave much room for anything else.  Neither did becoming a Grey Warden, come to think of it.  It’s a solitary life, but I don’t regret it.”  
  
Before I had a chance to respond, we came upon a young soldier sitting beside the road with his face contorted in pain.  Alistair brought the horse to a halt with a low ‘whoa’ and dismounted.  I shooed away his offer of help as I slid out of the saddle onto solid ground.  
  
“You…you were at Ostegar,” the man stammered feverishly.  His blonde hair was matted with sweat, and my eyes traveled from his face to his arm, which he had clutched protectively at his chest.  
  
Kneeling before him, I placed a hand on his knee.  “Easy, soldier.  Is it broken?”  
  
He shook his head.  “I don’t think so.  But my shoulder’s dislocated.  So stupid, really.  I…”  He looked up at me anxiously, and I smiled in an attempt to ease his apprehension.  “Go on,” I said reassuringly.  “It’s alright.”  
  
Biting his lip, he leaned forward, his eyes downcast.  “I wanted to fight, honest I did.  The Grey Wardens were turning the tide, and the signal was lit.  But Teryn Loghain ordered a retreat.”  He shook his head as his voice went soft, and his eyes glazed over as he relived the memory.  “My friends and I couldn’t believe it.  But we couldn’t disobey orders.”  
  
Looking to Alistair, I could see shock turn to cold fury as understanding of Loghain’s actions washed over his features.  The soldier continued.  “After the battle, I snuck away and climbed up a tree to try and see what was left but…I fell.  I made it this far before I almost passed out.”  
  
Turning back toward the man, I gently pried away the hand gripping his limp arm.  “I can put your shoulder back, but it’s going to hurt.”  
  
He nodded in understanding.  “I’m ready.”  
  
“Lie down, then.”  Keeping his body straight, I grasped his wrist firmly.  “Try to stay still.  On three.  One, two…”  With a steady force, I pulled his arm away from his torso and he cried out in pain.  I soon heard a satisfying pop as the joint settled back into place and I sat back, patting the young soldier on the leg.  “Great job.  I’ve had bigger men pass out on me.”    
  
Alistair helped him to his feet.  “What else can you tell me about the battle?  Why did Loghain retreat?”  
  
The man shrugged, then winced in pain at the action.  “I don’t know.  It didn’t make any sense.  The Grey Wardens almost had them beat back.  He just ignored the signal.”  He pointed toward a break in the trees.  “You might get more answers in Lothering.  The road is just ahead.  I can walk from here, thanks.”  
  
I smiled warmly.  “Take care of that shoulder.”  He nodded appreciatively before taking to the path that led out of the forest.  
  
Coming to stand in front of Alistair, I squeezed his hand to draw his attention away from the rage building inside of him.  He was shaking, his eyes out of focus.  “Loghain, that bastard.  Maker help me, I’ll avenge their deaths before I draw my last breath.”  
  
In his eyes burned a fresh vengeance that I knew would always linger there from now on, at the edge of every smile, on the outskirts of every laugh.  It was a fire that could only be quenched with forgiveness or retribution, and the latter was far easier than the former.  I knew it all too well, and I was pained at the thought of Alistair knowing it now, too.  
  
“Hey.”  I placed a finger under his chin to force his gaze.  “We’ll get it done.  One step at a time, okay?”  Cocking my head toward the horse, I silently suggested to Alistair that we be on our way.  Mounting more easily the second time, we set off at a steady trot.  
  
Soon the road appeared before us, and Alistair kicked the steed into a full gallop, the horse feeding off of his sense of urgency.  The sudden speed and power I felt emanating from the animal was strangely exhilarating, and the biting chill of the autumn air washed over my face until my eyes were watering.  Before long, we approached the outskirts of a village with mills and farmland hugging its edges.  As we reached the main gates, we found them barred by a rag-tag group of men, their leather armor stained with dirt patches and their bodies reeking of ale.  I dismounted cautiously and Alistair followed, tying the reins to a nearby post.  
  
An oily man with greasy hair and a nasty sneer approached us first.  “Wake up, gentlemen, more travelers to attend to!”  
  
At his side was his henchman, his severe overbite contorting his words.  “Maybe we should let these ones pass, you know?  They don’t look like them others.”  
  
Jamming his thumbs into the front of his trousers, the first man’s eyes wandered from my boots to my breasts.  “I’d say this woman fits the description pretty well, wouldn’t you?”    
  
Alistair grit his teeth as he placed a hand on the hilt of his sword.  “Highwaymen.  Preying on those fleeing from the darkspawn I suppose.”  
  
Laughing with glee, the bandit leader unsheathed his knife and tossed it skillfully, catching it on its tip.  “Ah ha, but the price you’ll fetch will be more than all of these pitiful refugees combined!  You see, some soldiers are lookin’ for you.  They say you killed the king.  And you come with a handsome ransom.”  
  
Upon hearing their boss’s wicked cackle, the other men joined him now, licking their lips as they began to close around us.  “Oh, you’d fetch a nice price.  Them soldiers will pay gold sovereigns, they will.”    
  
We were outnumbered, three of them for each one of us.  Drawing his sword, Alistair stood in front of me.  “Touch her over my dead body!”  He cleared his throat.  “Actually, preferably not.  Ideas, Shepard?”  
  
Until that moment, I had done nothing but stand and observe.  These men were little more than thugs, the same types I had taken out on Omega, but judging by their drunken stupors, this was going to be far easier.  
  
Drawing a deep breath, I interlaced my fingers and cracked my knuckles.  I rolled my neck to both sides and assumed a fighters stance, fists at the ready.  I was really going to enjoy this.  
  
I motioned to the first man, goading him on.  His fellows bellowed a laugh at my action, clapping their comrade on the back and pushing him forward.  He grinned ferociously while tossing a knife back and forth between his hands.  Left, right, left, right…  
  
Lunging for him, I grabbed the knife in mid-throw, leaving his left hand grasping air.  With a swift squat to the ground, I swept my leg forcefully against his, leveling him flat on his back.  The move knocked the wind out of him, and I took the opportunity to straddle his neck with my thighs, squeezing as he clawed at my back.  Soon, his eyes rolled backward and he went limp.  I easily stood to my feet, my breathing still and even, and I glared directly into each pair of beady, ale-soaked eyes staring back at me as I issued a silent challenge to whomever dared to be next.  
  
The leader of the group took a step forward in indignation, a deep growl coming from his chest.  “You little bitch, you’ll pay for…”  
  
Before he could finish, my victim was coughing back to life and grasping his neck in pain as he came to his knees.  He waved the others away while flashing me a look of outrage.  “I’ll show you…”  
  
“You’ll show her respect, or I’ll show you no such mercy.”  With the tip of his sword against the man’s jugular, Alistair poked hard enough for blood to begin its bloom.  
  
In front of us, the jingling of plate armor, a noise I had barely noticed before, was now getting louder until it came to a pronounced halt.  At the behest of a stern voice, the highwaymen reluctantly parted to reveal what I could only guess was a commander by his stature.  His features were dark, his brown beard full, and his eyes black.  On his armor was the crest of the king, and beside him was a guard in more basic protection whose head was covered with a leather helm.  His blue eyes shot open in wonder as he stared at me with his mouth agape, but the commander was not so easily bewildered by my strange appearance.  
  
“The Maker smiles on us today.  We hardly had to look, and here you are.”  
  
The bandit at the end of Alistair’s blade backed away rapidly, and my companion took a step back to stand beside me.  “Loghain’s men.  This can’t be good.”  
  
“I see you upstanding citizens of Ferelden have captured our quarry.  Or have they captured you?”  Sauntering toward me, the knight slowly unsheathed his sword to let it hang loosely by his side as his sarcastic tone turned bitter.  “Know this, wench.  I was at Ostegar.  Loghain saved us from the Grey Warden’s treachery.  And yours.”    
  
Alistair’s shook his head incredulously.  “What are you talking about?  The Grey Wardens would never betray the king!”  
  
“I am hereby taking you into custody at the order of Teryn Logain to answer for your crimes against the throne.”  He narrowed his eyes at me as he spat the words, his sword arm twitching anxiously.  “But if you fall on my blade, all the better in my book.”  
  
Cutting a malicious smile, I ran my tongue over my teeth.  “I’d love to see you try.”  I unsnapped the buckle that held my pistol firmly in place and wrapped my fingers around the grip tightly.  Just as I knew he would, he raised his sword with a battle cry, charging toward me eagerly.  Drawing my gun and dropping into a roll in one nimble motion, I was on my left knee with my arms straight ahead, aiming the barrel at his groin.  Alistair picked up the knife I had stolen from the first idiot I had bested and threw it hard over my shoulder, burying it in the chest of the bandits’ leader who had been stupid enough to try and stab me from behind.  As the commander turned in confusion, his eyes met mine and went wide in alarm.  Before he had a chance to recover his stance, I fired a warning shot between his legs.  “By the look on your face, I gather you’ve heard the rumors at Ostegar about what this is.  Let me set the record straight.  It’s called a gun, and it has the power to make you wear diapers the rest of your life.”  While the bandits may have had visions of aiding in my capture before, my display made them realize the bounty wasn’t worth their lives.  Now leaderless, they turned and fled from the main gates in fear.  
  
Looking over the commander’s shoulder revealed the sentinel with his hands raised in surrender, suffering the threat of Alistair’s blade.  “Who’s the quarry now?"  
  
As his sword fell to the ground, the commander acquiesced.  “Fine, you’ve won.  We surrender.”  
  
Keeping my pistol trained on his manhood, I kicked his weapon away from his feet.  “Take a message to Loghain.  Tell him that he’s a lying bastard, and we know what really happened at Ostegar.  And make sure he knows that this,” I glanced toward my gun and gave it a nod, “is a toy compared to the weapons I have access to.  I can kill him from miles away, and he’ll never see me coming.”  
  
As the two men beat a hasty retreat, Alistair sheathed his sword.  “Remind me never to make you angry.”  
  
Holstering my gun, I smirked.  “You don’t know the half of it.”  
  
In the chaos of the fight, the highwaymen had left behind all they had procured in crates and boxes.  As we began to gather much needed silver and sort through the plunder, a voice made me spin around swiftly.  “Excuse me.”  
  
I found myself staring at a woman dressed in robes that reminded me distinctly of Wynne, although they were gold and crimson in color.  Her amber hair was chin-length, and her eyes were a pale emerald green.  “You’re the ones the soldiers have been looking for, aren’t you?”  Taking stock of the dead man lying at her feet, she remarked, “And you drove away the bandits.”  
  
Glancing at Alistair, I nodded.  “Yes, they’re gone, for now.  And you are?”  
  
She smiled curtly.  “Let me introduce myself.  My name is Leliana, one of the lay sisters of the Chantry at Lothering.  Or at least I was.  I’m returning from helping refugees avoid the highwaymen that had set up camp at the front gates, but it seems that problem has been solved thanks to you.”  
  
Stepping out from behind a nearby crate, Alistair folded his arms over his chest.  “So…is there something else we can help you with?”  
  
“According to the men looking for you, you’re a Grey Warden.  That means you’ll be battling the darkspawn, yes?  That is what Grey Wardens do?”  
  
Alistair furrowed his brow.  “Yes.”  
  
She next turned toward me.  “And you are the Savior of Thedas, are you not?”  
  
I bit my lip in confusion.  Flemeth had been the only one to call me by that title, and it wasn’t something I wanted to have spread.  “Where did you hear that?”  
  
Ignoring my question, she clapped her hands together confidently.  “I know that after what happened at Ostegar, you’re going to need all the help you can get.  That’s why I’m coming with you.”  
  
I barked out a laugh.  “That's bold of you.  No offense, but where we’re going is dangerous, and while I appreciate prayers as much as the next guy, if you don’t know how to fight, you’re darkspawn meat.”  
  
To my utter shock, Leliana pulled a pair of razor sharp daggers from the sleeves of her habit.  Turning swiftly on her heel, she let both fly into the trees and was rewarded by a sickening, far-off gurgle.  One of the bandits that had likely stayed behind to claim the bounty for himself had paid the highest price as his limp body fell forward out of cover and into the dirt, Leliana’s daggers buried deep in his throat.  
  
“I wasn’t born in the Chantry, you know.  Many of us had more…colorful lives before we joined.  I put aside that life when I became a lay sister, but if it is the Maker’s will, I will take it up again.”  
  
Alistair gave me a look of incredulous alarm.  “A Chantry rogue.  Now I’ve seen everything.”  
  
Quickly retrieving her daggers, Leliana ran back to join us once more.  “The Maker told me you would come, and He told me to join you.  I know that sounds absolutely insane but…it’s true!  I saw it in a vision!”  
  
Pulling me aside by the elbow, Alistair leaned over to whisper into my ear.  “More crazy?  After Flemeth and Morrigan, I’ve had enough for a lifetime.”  
  
Her tone was pleading.  “The people here, they are lost in their despair!  And this chaos, this darkness…the Maker doesn’t want this.  What we do, what we are meant to do, is the Maker’s work.  I can fight.  Let me help.”  
  
I could tell she was sincere, but I couldn’t imagine taking the equivalent of a nun along with us to Redcliff.  “Why don’t you stay and help here?”  
  
An edge of desperation entered her voice.  “And then what?  Wait until the horde comes?  It will follow anywhere we flee until all we know is destroyed.”  
  
Giving her a curt smile, I motioned for Alistair to follow me out of earshot.  “I have no idea what’s going on right now.  Is this normal?”  
  
He rubbed the back of his neck.  “She’s a nutcase.  The Maker doesn’t talk to people.  Everyone knows that.”  My raised eyebrow caused him to chuckle timidly.  “Almost everyone, that is.  It’s your call.  I’ll go along with whatever you decide.”  
  
I let out a disgruntled sigh.  “Now you’re putting me in charge?”  
  
He tilted his head toward the ground as his eyes turned upward to look into mine, a reprimanding smirk flashing across his features.  “Come now, Shepard.  From the instant we fought together in the tower, you’ve been in charge.”  
  
Letting a slow breath puff out my cheeks, I looked to the sky.  “Okay, then.  Just remember, when I eventually do something you hate, you were the one that officially christened me as your leader.”  
  
He clutched his fist to his chest.  “On my honor, your Worship.”  
  
I rolled my eyes as I gave him a hearty smack on the arm with the back of my hand.  “Dear lord, never call me that again.  It’s ‘Commander’ to you.”  
  
Walking with authority to stand before Leliana, I had made up my mind.  “We will stop the Blight, but we don’t need to put others in unnecessary danger to do it.  I’m sorry.”  
  
“But I…”  Leliana’s voice trailed off in disappointment.  “I will leave you, for now.  It’s not important that you believe what I say, only that you serve the Maker in the end.  But think about it, please.  That is all I ask.”  
  
As she turned to go, eyes downcast, I let out a heavy sigh.  Alistair mouthed a silent ‘coo-coo’ as he pointed his index finger at his temple in a circular motion.  But who was I to say she was crazy?  I’m sure there were plenty of people who would think the same of me if they heard my story.  
  
After collecting what seemed useful from the items the bandits left behind, I untethered our mount.  We descended the stone steps onto the gravel path leading straight through the small village of Lothering, and as we passed by the tavern, I caught a snippet of a conversation two men were having outside.  
  
“Did you speak to that knight yesterday?  Said he was from Redcliff.”  
  
“He talked to everyone in the tavern.  How are we supposed to know where the Urn of Sacred Ashes is?  Might as well ask us how to get to the moon.”  
  
“He said that all the Redcliff knights were looking for it.  As if they didn’t have anything better to do.  I don’t get it.”  
  
I gave Alistair a nudge.  “Any guesses as to what that’s about?”  
  
He shook his head, bewildered.  “No idea.  Maybe we can find one of these knights and ask.  Let’s try the Chantry first.”  
  
As we continued our walk through town, the air was dense with the smell of farm animals, unwashed bodies, and fear.  Pockets of villagers whispered as we passed while others were busy loading belongings onto carts.  Soon, the Chantry building loomed before us, a grey stone structure with many refugees seeking shelter.  Leaving the horse in the care of a woman dressed in the same robes as Leliana, we entered the large, oaken doors and gave our eyes time to adjust to the dim candlelight.  On the far wall, a tall statue of a woman had her hands raised in blessing over all who passed.  
  
Alistair squinted across the room to look at a man buried in tomes and a face lined with exhaustion.  “Could it be?”  I followed as Alistair approached the man swiftly.  “Ser Donall?  Is that you?”  
  
Looking up from his reading, the man’s eyes went wide.  “Alistair?  By the Maker, how are you?”  His gaze went from Alistair to me.  “And who is this most interesting traveling companion of yours?”  
  
Motioning toward me, Alistair placed his hand on my back.  “This is Commander Shepard.  She’s…not from around here, but she fought at Ostegar.  That’s how we met.”  
  
Donall smiled at me courteously.  “A pleasure, Commander.”    
  
I smiled in return.  “Nice to meet you.”  
  
Standing to his feet, he brushed the dust from his hands.  “I’m so glad you made it out of Ostegar.  What a terrible battle.  I was certain you were dead!”  
  
Alistair snorted.  “Not yet.  No thanks to Teryn Loghain.”  
  
Donall grimaced in response.  “If Arl Eamon were well, he’s set Loghain straight soon enough.”  
  
Alistair’s voice filled with worry.  “If he were well?  What do you mean?”  
  
“The Arl is stricken with an illness that threatens his life.  We have found no cure, either natural or magical,” Donall replied.  “It happened only a few weeks ago, but he has declined quickly.  No one knows the nature of the illness, and our only hope now is a miracle.  Every knight of Redcliff has gone in search of Andraste’s ashes, which are said to cure any illness.  But I fear we are chasing a fable.  With each day, my hope dims.”  
  
“Shouldn’t you be focusing on the darkspawn at this point?” I asked.  
  
He let a heavy breath fall from his lips.  “My mission takes priority.  I had hoped to find clues in this chantry’s library, but I fear I will be returning to Redcliff with nothing to show for my efforts.”  
  
Alistair’s expression was grim.  “We were hoping to speak with the arl to lend us supplies and gain his support against Loghain.  He is a popular man, and his backing would be a great boon to us.”  
  
Donall chewed his lip thoughtfully.  “If the arl were well, I have no doubt he would assist you.  As it stands, however, my quest remains the same.”  
  
“We should see what’s happening in Redcliff ourselves,” Alistair replied.  “I believe that now more than ever.”  
  
Donall nodded.  “I’m sure you would be welcomed at Castle Redcliff.  I will return there soon myself to shore up provisions, and then I will follow the only lead I have left.  There is a scholar in Denerim who purports to have devoted his life to the study of the ashes, and I hope to learn more from him.”  
  
Alistair clapped his fist to his chest in salute.  “Farewell, friend.  May the Maker watch over you.”  
  
Donall returned the gesture.  “And may He also be with you.”  
  
As the knight walked away, my thoughts immediately went to the med bay of the Normandy.  “Alistair, if we can get to the arl, I could do some scans and send them to my ship.  We might be able to pinpoint what’s wrong.”  
  
Alistair nodded in agreement, and as I motioned to my omnitool, a blinking light alerted me to a pending message.  While I felt the urge to open it immediately, I opted to check it once we left Lothering.  The fewer reasons I gave to raise suspicions, the better.  
  
We exited the Chantry and after looking at a crude map posted on a nearby board, we made our way back to the Imperial Road.  I quickly scanned the message on my omnitool as we neared the edge of town.  
  
**Shepard,  
  
Without our trackers turned on, our communication is limited.  We managed to make it through the denser part of the Wilds with little incident.  The darkspawn have apparently retreated for now.  I hope your path was just as clear.  Call when you can.    
  
–Kaidan**  
  
I made a mental note to do just that when we made camp, but we were determined to put more miles behind us before the day’s end.  Seeing a familiar face waiting near the road, it seemed one last thing stood between us and that goal.  
  
“Oh, hello again,” Leliana chirped.  “Have you changed your mind?”  
  
The brown mare leaned its great neck forward to chomp on a nearby tuft of grass.  I tried my best to be good-natured.  “You don’t give up easy, do you?”  
  
Alistair voiced his thoughts.  “You know, she might be one archdemon short of a Blight, but she seems more ‘Ooh, pretty colors’ than ‘Mwa ha ha!  I am Princess Stabbity!  Stab kill kill!’  Maybe we can use her after all.”  
  
I nodded in agreement, more out of impatience than anything else.  The sooner we could get back on the road, the better.  “Tell you what, Leliana.  We’re headed to Redcliff, but we only have one horse.  If you can find your own way there, you can join us.”  
  
Her face lit up in a broad smile.  “Oh thank you!  You won’t regret it, I promise!”  Waving a hand as she ran toward Lothering, her voice carried back, “Meet you at Redcliff!”  
  
“We’ll see if her resolve lasts that long,” I stated flatly as I mounted the steed.  Alistair followed suit, and he eased the mare into a gentle canter.    
  
“If her ashes are so important, can you tell me more about this Andraste?” I asked.  
  
“Do you want the short version or the Chantry version?” he joked.  “Let’s see, where to begin…”  
  
Alistair’s body behind me was now a familiar feeling, and I found myself resting easily against him as I listened to the cadence of his voice.  To the west, the last of the sun’s rays peaked over the horizon, giving way to the darkness of night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, thank you so much for reading this story and sticking with me. I know I'm slowing my pace, but it's because of life obligations. I'm not abandoning this story!
> 
> And I couldn't leave out Lothering! We need Leliana, for sure. But Sten...I know, I left him out. Honestly, I didn't really use him when I played DA:O, and if I include every possible party member, this story is going to get even LONGER. So, I'm sorry to any Sten fans out there.
> 
> Some of you have remarked that you may hunt me down and slay me if I have Shepard and Alistair end up together. While I appreciate your...concern...and I know we'd all love to think of Shepard and Kaidan's love as being super-human, desire is, unfortunately, not black and white. Shepard loves Kaidan, no question, but come now. Hot guy + horse. She's only human. But trust me, I'll take great care with these characters, because they are all so dear to me. :)
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter! In the next one, we'll go to Kaidan's POV a bit to catch up on how the crew is doing traipsing through the Wilds with Morrigan and Theresa. Good times ahead.


	20. Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Shepard and Alistair make their way to Redcliffe, Kaidan and his companions stumble into darkspawn. Fortunately, they receive a little help from an unexpected source. Meanwhile, at the Normandy, an ambush takes one of their own.

There was a chill in the air made sharper by the absence of Alistair’s warmth against me.  We had traveled for several hours more, passing carts loaded down with belongings and mothers carrying crying children away from the only homes they’d ever known.  Even this late, the road was choked with life, families eager to put distance between themselves and the real darkness that approached.  We had finally happened upon a clearing shielded from the wind and away from the main bustle, and we quickly claimed it as our own by securing our horse to the nearest pine.  As Alistair removed the saddle from the mare and gave her a quick rubdown, I examined the still smoking logs surrounded by heavy stones in the middle of the makeshift campsite.  The last to use it left not long ago, and the wood was still wet from extinguishing the fire.  As Alistair left to gather dry branches, I took the opportunity to call my crew.  Scrolling through the HUD to James Vega’s contact, I swiped a finger through the air to initiate a connection.  After a pause, the display changed from orange to green.  
  
“Hey, Lola.  How are things?”    
  
Vega’s voice instantly brought a smile to my lips.  “Hello, James.  The usual.  Almost got killed a couple of times, but I can’t complain.”  
  
“Damn, Shepard.  You’re always where the action is.  The only things killing me are my feet.”   
  
I let out a laugh.  “Leave to you to find something to complain about.  I’ll pray for some darkspawn to head your way.  In the meantime, how are you doing?  How are Kaidan and Anderson holding up?”  
  
Vega’s tone was suddenly soft.  “Not to get all serious on you, but Anderson’s been really uptight.  It’s weird.  I wish you were here.  You have a knack for getting sticks out of people’s asses.”  
  
I furrowed my brow as I remembered the admiral’s strange sense of urgency before leaving Flemeth’s hut.  “Has he given you any clues?”  
  
“Not to me.  He just keeps saying, ‘we need to get back to the Normandy asap’ like we don’t know it already.”  
  
Alistair returned with his arms full of tree limbs.  Lending a hand, I cleared away the soaked logs to make room for him to work.  “Is Kaidan around?”  
  
“Sure, hang on.  Yo, Major!  Your girlfr…” Vega cleared his throat as I pictured him on the receiving end of an annoyed glare.  “Commander Shepard’s on line one for you.”  
  
After hearing leaves crunching underfoot and some muted shuffling, I was greeted by the sound I most longed to hear.  “Shepard.”  His voice made my chest swell.  It was one simple word, but the way he said it, so full of love, relief, and longing all at once…it was a fresh reminder of how much I missed him.  
  
“Kaidan,” I echoed, wanting nothing more than to be with him at that moment.  “How are you?”  
  
“Wait a minute, let me find a spot where we can talk.”  After a few moments of silence, his voice filled my senses once more.  “Honestly, I wish you were with us.  Something doesn’t feel right, but I can’t figure it out.  This whole place just seems off.”  
  
I let out a sigh.  “Trust me, I know what you mean.  On all counts.  But no brawls today, I hear?”  
  
“No, nothing.  Not even a damn fox, snake, anything.  This whole forest is deserted.  But what about you?  Are you and Alistair getting along?”  
  
I nodded despite the fact that Kaidan couldn’t see it, watching Alistair dig in his pack to pull out a small, silver tin and toss it beside the branches he had gathered.  Taking a line of hemp rope that was strapped to a saddle bag, he started unwinding it with his fingers and teeth.  I was so fascinated by what he was doing that I hadn’t spoken in several seconds.  
  
“Shepard?  You there?”  
  
I snapped back to attention as Alistair’s eyes met mine with the unfurled rope connecting his mouth to his hands.  He smiled awkwardly.  
  
“Yes!  Right.  Here.  Fine.  Getting along fine.  And still on schedule.”  I squeezed my eyes shut to clear my mind as I felt exhaustion begin to overtake me.  “We stopped at a small town on the way and found out the arl of Redcliff is sick with some incurable disease.  I’m hoping my omnitool…your…omnitool might give us some clues.”  With the rope now thoroughly destroyed, Alistair made a circle with the remains and nestled it in the kindling he had laid upon the dry twigs.  I continued to watch him with interest.  “Oh, and one more thing.  There’s a ransom on our heads.  Left the best part for last.”  
  
Kaidan’s voice went from unease to concern.  “Care to expound on that for me?”  
  
Carefully taking a flint stone from the metal tin, Alistair gripped a steel striker in his left hand while colliding the stone into it with his right.  The result was a creation of sparks, appearing and disappearing like miniature supernovas in contrast to the surrounding darkness of night.  I leaned forward to watch him work, which I could tell was making him immensely self-conscious.  “Loghain, the guy who was supposed to lead the reinforcements?  He’s blaming us for the massacre.  He says we killed the king.”  Suddenly, the hemp caught one of the flashes of light and Alistair immediately bent down as if bowing to a fire god, blowing steadily to allow the spark to turn to flame.    
  
“Great, because we didn’t have enough to deal with already.”  Kaidan’s heavy sigh shot through me.  “Shepard, I know this goes without saying, but watch yourself.  You know I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you.”  
  
My heart melted at the care lining his words.  “Same goes for you.  I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too, and I can’t wait to see you.  Don’t forget your promise.  Straight home, right?”  
  
I smiled, now sitting in front of a full-fledged fire.  I gave Alistair a nod of admiration for his work.  “You got it.  I’ll talk with you tomorrow.  Good night, Kaidan.”

* * *

“Good night, Shepard.”  
  
Taking a ragged breath, Kaidan reluctantly closed the connection.  He hated not having the ability to track her vital signs.  It meant he would have a perpetual pit in his stomach until the moment he saw her again.  But if he was honest with himself, that wasn’t the only thing bothering him.  Kaidan wasn’t an idiot; he saw the way Alistair looked at her.  But for better or for worse, it was that lovesick puppy that Kaidan was relying on to keep Shepard safe, and he was banking on the man’s infatuation to overcome his fear if a life or death moment ever presented itself.  That was his only consolation for allowing her to spend her days, and nights, alone with the Grey Warden, although it didn’t stop him from fiercely coveting every moment Alistair had with her that he didn’t.  
  
Returning to the camp Morrigan had chosen for them, Kaidan surveyed his surroundings once again.  The fire’s glow extended to the edges of the small glade, making the wood beyond seem even more dark and foreboding.  He had insisted that they find a better-hidden place to lay their heads, but Theresa assured him that she would know immediately if there were darkspawn nearby.  After seeing the weariness in everyone’s eyes, he had reluctantly acquiesced.  
  
Stars shined like pinpricks in the black velvet sky, and still unfamiliar twin moons hovered close overhead.  Vega and Theresa were huddled over a pile of leaves on the far side of the fire, the elf no doubt giving the lieutenant another lesson in her tracking skills.  More puzzling to Kaidan, however, were Morrigan and Anderson’s hushed conversation a few paces from the rest.  The admiral had spent several days in Flemeth’s keeping, and there was no telling what his experience must have been like.  The notion of Flemeth somehow bewitching Anderson into duplicity nagged at the edges of Kaidan’s mind.  No longer willing to let the air hang full of tension, he decided to confront the pair.  
  
Instead of abruptly ending their discussion, Kaidan was surprised to find the admiral motioning him over, his face etched with consternation.  Taking a seat in front of them, the major shifted uncomfortably in the dead grass as he rested his elbows on his knees.  “What is it, Admiral?”  
  
Glancing at Morrigan, the lines in his superior’s face deepened.  “Nothing for sure.  But take a look at this.”  Held between his finger and thumb was a ring with a jet black band that glinted in the firelight, a perfect counter to the one hanging around Kaidan’s neck.  Anderson handed it to him for further inspection.  “Flemeth gave this to Morrigan before we left.  That woman isn’t a fool; she wanted us to see it.  I’m willing to bet that’s tungsten carbide.  It’s a man-made metal alloy used in some of our most advanced weapons.”  Kaidan held the band up to his eye to gaze through the large circle as Anderson finished his thought.  “If that alloy is here, that means there has to be tech here, too.  Where there’s tech, there may be a way to contact Earth.  We just need to find it.”  
  
Morrigan’s golden eyes stared intently at the object as Kaidan returned it to her outstretched hand.  “Tis nothing I recognize.  Today is the first I have seen of it.  But my mother is very old and has traveled much.  Who is to say where she may have found it?”  
  
_Where there’s tech, there may be a way to contact Earth._   It was a sliver of a lead to be sure, but they had done more with less before.  “Why the secrecy?  If she wanted us to see it, why not just tell us about it?”  
  
Morrigan’s eyebrow quirked upward.  “My mother is nothing if not mysterious.  She does only what serves her purposes, nothing more.  If she did not share her knowledge of the ring, it was because it did not suit her.”  
  
Kaidan nearly jumped at the feeling of a hand on his shoulder.  Turning to look behind him revealed Theresa with her bow and quiver in hand.  “Darkspawn.  I just started to feel them.  Not many, but they’re heading this way from the south.”  
  
Digging his fingers into his temples and running them along his scalp in a crude attempt to chase away the beginnings of a migraine, he fought back the weariness in his limbs.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d properly slept.  No, that was a lie.  He could remember exactly.  It was the last night he was next to Shepard.  
  
“Okay, everyone,” Kaidan said in a low tone, “You know what that means.  No sleep just yet.  Get ready to fight.”    
  
Vega grunted as he stood to his feet.  “Damn it, Shepard, I was joking.”  Kaidan looked at him quizzically, but the lieutenant only smirked.  “Nothing, nothing.  Let’s do this.”    
  
As if he were a puppeteer trying to move his own strings, Kaidan stood to his feet and shook away the dizziness that had sent a fog rolling through his brain.  Checking his assault rifle, he grimaced to see only one full magazine remaining and several nights left between them and their ship.  If they were going to make it to the Normandy, he couldn’t waste any shots.  Anderson was armed with a pistol, Vega with a shot gun, Theresa with her bow, and Morrigan with her strange, glowing staff.  That would have to do.  
  
Standing his ground against the thick blackness of the forest beyond, he could hear grunts cutting through the silence.  He motioned to the others to form positions behind him while he crouched his way to the far side of the camp.  As he shoved his assault rifle tightly against his right shoulder and peered into his sights, he braced himself for the inevitable confrontation, once again, with the horrors that stalked this world.  
  
He could see five creatures moving toward him in the night vision scope, bright white against the crosshairs and still twenty yards away.  They trudged ever closer, undoubtedly drawn by the light of the fire.  Holding up five fingers over his head for all to see, he regripped the rifle and readied his shot.  He couldn’t afford to miss.  Squeezing the trigger lightly, he waited for the right moment.  
  
Ten yards.  They were within range.  Nodding to the others to open fire, Kaidan completed his trigger pull, felling the farthest darkspawn with a clean shot through its eye socket.  Theresa fired two arrows at once, her aim so deadly that they both hit their exact mark even in the darkness of night, their tips buried deep into a hurlock’s throat directly above its chestplate.  
  
The three that remained scattered as Morrigan’s strikes of lightning crackled through the trees and momentarily lit up the forest as though it were midday.  Kaidan prayed that wouldn’t attract even more unwanted attention.  As he concentrated on lining up another shot, he saw a huge beast streak across his vision.   _Where the hell did that come from?_  
  
At first, he intended to make it his new target.  But to his astonishment, the animal leapt on the nearest darkspawn and, with a mighty crush of its powerful jaws, cleaved its right arm from its body.  Its claws found purchase in its foe’s chest as it mauled the darkspawn’s face.  Taking stock of the two that were left, Vega had shot a hole clean through one, and Morrigan had managed to cook another with fire that consumed it from the inside out.  With the strange beast now finished with its gruesome task, it sprinted toward them, ready to attack.  
  
Vega stood defensively in front of Theresa with his weapon at the ready.  Apparently, he had seen it too.  Kaidan didn’t have time to think, only react.  He took aim, found his target in the crosshairs, and fired.  
  
The animal let out a yelp of pain and somersaulted through the dead leaves, coming to a halt at Vega’s feet.  Despite taking a bullet to the chest, it still struggled in a weak attempt to stand.  Its small ears were drooped, its tongue lolling out of its mouth as it panted from exertion.  If he didn’t know better, he’d say for all the world that it looked like a huge dog.  
  
Vega drew his omniblade, intent on putting the hound out of its misery.  Before he could deal the final blow, however, Theresa held his arm back with a cry.  “Stop!”  
  
Shoving Vega out of her way with more force than Kaidan thought her capable of, Theresa dropped to her knees and stroked the dog’s muzzle gently.  “Oh, you poor thing.  How did you survive out here all by yourself?”  
  
As Morrigan and Anderson joined them to see the cause of the commotion for themselves, Vega squatted next to the elf.  “What is this thing?”  
  
Theresa looked to Morrigan, her eyes pleading even more than her voice.  “Can you heal him?”  
  
Kneeling down to inspect the wound, Morrigan’s expression was grave.  “A mabari hound.  Yes, but can you be sure he will not do to us what he did to the darkspawn?”  
  
The elf nodded.  “I’m sure.  I cared for this one myself at Ostegar.”  
  
To Kaidan’s surprise, Morrigan next turned to him.  “Is this what you wish?”  
  
Was she honestly asking his permission?  He took a moment to consider his options, but in the end, he couldn’t bear to let the hound die from the wound he himself had inflicted.  Rubbing the back of his neck, he nodded.  “I trust Theresa's judgment.  Please do what you can for him.”  
  
With the tip of her staff, Morrigan used her hands to transfer energy to the dying dog.  Watching her work made Kaidan shiver at the memory of her hands on his bare chest and her touch soothing the pain of his bruising.  He shoved the remembrance down forcibly before more heat could travel to his cheeks.  
  
After several moments, the animal successfully stood to its feet and was welcomed by Theresa’s warm embrace as it licked her face in return.  “Thank you, Morrigan.”  
  
The mage rose swiftly and took a pace back.  “Do not thank me.  It was the practical thing to do.  If he was trained to fight darkspawn, he will make a strong addition to our party.”

Kaidan gave Morrigan a smile of appreciation, which she completely ignored, and he chuckled to himself.  For all of her defensiveness, he could see a softer side peeking through at the most unlikely times, and he was glad to see her edges thawing, albeit gradually.

Anderson gave Vega a hearty clap on the back.  “Alright, hopefully that’s enough excitement for tonight.”  The admiral eyed their new companion warily as the dog scratched an itch behind its ear.  “I’ll take first watch.  Everyone else, try to get some sleep.”

* * *

Sleep.  Why couldn’t I sleep?  The salted meat and sharp cheese were sitting like a lump in my stomach, and the flask of watered down ale wasn’t doing me any favors either.  
  
Alistair had insisted on taking first watch.  Not being one to dare deny his chivalry, I conceded.  As I watched the fire transform from flames into flickering embers, I willed my exhausted body to let go of its stubborn grip on wakefulness.  Finally, I gave up altogether.  
  
“Alistair, I can’t sleep.  You might as well let me take a shift.”  
  
He was seated only a few feet from me, but he didn’t respond.  Concerned, I propped myself on an elbow and spoke more loudly.  “Alistair?  You okay?”  
  
Clearing his throat and rubbing his face vigorously, he sniffed.  “Yes, I’m fine.  I will be, anyway.  I’m sorry you can’t sleep.”  
  
I gathered my blanket and stretched, then came to sit beside him.  “I hope you have better luck than I did.”  Tilting my head to the side, I leaned forward to look at his face.  His eyes were red rimmed, and his cheeks were flushed.  I was suddenly hit by how much he had suffered with the revelation of Loghain’s betrayal, and I squeezed his shoulder firmly in support.  The gesture sent fresh tears cascading down his features, and he grit his teeth, his jaw muscles tightening.  “I can’t stop picturing them all waiting for reinforcements that never came.  It’s his fault they’re dead.  I need to know why…why would he do this?”  
  
I shook my head.  “There’s no justification for what he’s done.  But he’ll pay for them all, I promise.”  Wiping his tears away with the back of my fingers, I added, “I don’t mean to sound callous, but you need to learn to control the pain.  Don’t let it control you, or you’ll lose yourself to it.  Take that horrible feeling in your gut and turn it outward.  When the time comes, you’ll be ready to face him, and he won’t stand a chance.”  
  
Swallowing hard, Alistair nodded appreciatively.  “Thank you, Shepard.  I’m sorry.  You really haven’t seen me at my finest lately.”  
  
I smiled warmly.  “On the contrary.  I’ve seen how much you care about your friends, and I’m glad to count myself among them.”  Changing to a more commanding tone, I shoved him gruffly, tipping him over.  “Now get some sleep.  That’s an order.”  
  
Yawning, he slowly stood to his feet and scratched the mare under her chin.  “Not a full day in command and she’s already bossy.”  
  
“I heard that,” I called back with a smirk.

* * *

Samantha Traynor had done nothing but eat, sleep, and breathe the Normandy since they had crashed several days ago.  Apart from EDI herself, no one knew the comm systems better than Sam, and seeing that their number one priority was to contact Earth, well, she didn’t have the luxury of much downtime.  
  
That was, until tonight.  She had spent so much time in the bowels of the ship that her nights and days had flipped.  While most of the crew slept, she was wide awake sitting with her back to the wall and staring at the red  **“Object out of range.  QEC sync failed.”**  error lines until her eyes crossed.  Letting out a frustrated grunt, she rolled her neck and stretched her shoulders.  She needed a break.  
  
“EDI, could you run another diagnostic scan?  I can’t figure out why the link-ups aren’t working.”  
  
The AI’s voice filled the command center.  “Certainly, Sam.  The scan will be complete in 2 hours, 36 minutes.”  
  
Setting the data pad on the large desk beside her, she stood and shook out her legs.  “Thanks.  I’m going for a walk.”    
  
After a quick raid of the kitchens, she exited the ship with nothing but a protein bar in hand.  As she munched her meager rations, she shivered against the cold and regretted not grabbing a jacket.  The forest was quiet except for the shrill chirp of crickets, its wildlife tucked away in burrows or snuggled in nests.  Stepping off of the deck into the soft grass, she made her way to the lake’s edge and laid flat on her back to count the stars and admire the planet’s twin moons.  It was nothing like the skies of Earth or Horizon where she had grown up, and she hadn’t had time to fully appreciate the novelty of their location like the rest of the crew.  
  
She forced herself to clear her mind, breathing in the smell of nature and concentrating on the feeling of the cold ground pressed against her back.  Just as her meditation began to have the desired effect, a noise from behind startled her back to reality.  
  
“Hello.  I haven’t seen you before.”  
  
Bolting upright, Sam nearly choked on a half-chewed peanut.  Standing a few feet from her was a woman, an elf to be exact, with golden hair pulled back behind her ears and green eyes full of curiosity.  
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.  I’m Lanaya, part of the Dalish clan.  I’ve spoken with some of your other friends before.”  She bowed slightly as Samantha quickly stood to her feet.  
  
Wiping her hands on her pants, she returned the gesture with a wave.  “Hi there.  I’m Samantha.  I’ve been busy working on getting our ship out of your way, so I haven’t made it outside much.”  
  
The elf rung her fingers anxiously.  “I know.  I sneak away to this place sometimes, to get away from the clan.  They’re too protective of me.  If Zathrian found out I was here right now…”  
  
Before she could continue, deep growls pierced through the air, yellow eyes glowing at the outskirts of the clearing.  An ambush.  Lanaya gasped while Sam cursed under her breath; she hadn’t brought her omnitool, a pistol, nothing she could use to defend herself.   _Idiot!_  
  
The elf’s eyes darted back and forth, looking for an escape.  “What are werewolves doing this close to sacred ground?  I thought they were unable to tread here!”  
  
Sam’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief.  “Did you say…werewolves?”  
  
As Lanaya drew her staff and held it before her, dark creatures began to emerge from the obscurity of the wood.  Sam couldn’t believe her eyes; stalking toward her were huge beasts covered in fur, their snouts dripping and lips curled back to reveal razors for teeth.  Walking upright, they began to circle around them, cutting off any hope at making a run for the ship.  To her shock, they spoke.  
  
“Should we take them both?”  
  
“Why not?  Swiftrunner only asked for the Keeper’s first, but surely two is better than one.”  
  
“Stay back, foul creatures!” Lanaya cried as she unleashed a bolt of lightning from her staff, hitting one of the monsters squarely in the chest.  Before Sam had a chance to react, Lanaya had her by the arm and was dragging her toward the forest as fast as her legs would carry her.   
  
Branches cut at her face and whipped her arms as they sprinted for their lives.  Sam’s heart was pounding out of her chest, her adrenaline spiking as she gasped for more air.  It was all she could do to keep up with the elf, and the howls of rage behind her were strong motivation to continue despite the ache shooting through her legs.  
  
Suddenly, her foot caught on a root and she felt herself falling forward.  Arms outstretched, she slammed hard into the dirt, the wind knocked from her lungs.  Lanaya immediately turned around and grasped her hands in an attempt to help her up, but it was too late.  The werewolves had caught up to them now, and they were being grabbed with gruff paws.  As Sam kicked and screamed with all of the strength she had left, she was stunned with a hard backhand across the face.  
  
“Silence, human!  Or we will quiet you with a quick death.”  
  
Sam heard an inhuman cackle that made her hairs stand on end.  “Swiftrunner will be pleased.  Now Zathrian has no choice but to come to us, or he will see his precious First suffer the same fate as his family.”  
  
With her wrists and ankles held fast as she was carried between a pair of the animals, she craned her neck to see Lanaya slung over another’s shoulder, unconscious.  
  
“And what of the human?”  
  
She spat on her nearest captor.  “You’ve made a huge mistake.  When my people find me, you’ll all be stuffed and mounted.”  
  
She was rewarded with a twist of her arms that nearly pulled her shoulder out of its socket, and she cried out in pain.  “Where you’re going, they will never find you.  I promise you that.”  Struck on the temple so hard she saw stars, the white pinpoints of light in her vision rapidly faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! If there are typos in this chapter, I'm sorry. I was in a bit of a hurry and, well, you're subjected to my own (sometimes terrible) editing. I hope you like this installment and the addition of a couple of beloved characters. I'm so sorry for what happened to the mabari hound. Don't be mad at Kaidan. He was just trying to defend his companions.
> 
> Thank you to all of you, wonderful people you, who comment and share your thoughts with me. You make me smile, you let me forget about the troubles of life for a while, and I love sharing this adventure alongside of all of you.
> 
> The song for this chapter is The Equalizer, which I think I'd make the Normandy fighters' theme song. Because it's bad ass. :) Imagining Shepard, Garrus, Vega, and Kaidan taking out darkspawn in slow motion to this song? Oh yes, please.


	21. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and Tali stumble upon the key to repair the Normandy. Alistair and Shepard finally arrive in Redcliffe only to discover a horrible truth about the corpses attacking the castle, but can they defeat them?

“She’s missing.”  
  
Garrus had been looking for the specialist all morning.  “What do you mean, ‘missing’?”  
  
Tali threw her arms in the air, worry outlining every word.  “EDI said Sam went for a walk while she ran diagnostics.  That was twelve hours ago.  No one has seen her since.”  
  
“A walk in the middle of the night?”  Shaking his head, he looked up at the ceiling as though he were silently cursing an unknown god.  Treynor was an important part of the crew, but more than that, she was a friend.  Few worked harder or were more dedicated to their cause than she was, and the idea of her being abducted made his blood boil.  “I can’t believe this.  I’ll bet my best sniper rifle those damn elves had something to do with it.  They’ve already threatened us for mining minerals from their sacred ground.”  He began to pace the engine room as he considered their options.  “Is she close enough for an omnitool to pick up her signal?”  
  
Tali pulled up the console’s blue display in front of her.  “I have something even better.  The ship’s biometric scanners are back online as of this morning.  If she’s anywhere within a few thousand kilometers, we’ll know about it.”  
  
She enabled tracking for ‘Specialist S. Treynor’ and after a few seconds, let out a sigh of relief.  “She’s not far, in a cave here,” Tali noted, pointing to a blinking dot a few kilometers away.  “We could get in and out before the end of the day.  Other than a heightened pulse and elevated adrenaline levels, her vital signs are strong.”    
  
Garrus let out a deep breath of his own, grateful Sam wasn’t badly injured.  
  
Tali suddenly leaned in to stare intently at the screen.  “Wait.  The scanners are picking up something else at her location.”  Sliding holographic images hanging in mid-air, she tasked the system with a more thorough examination.  After a few moments, the results appeared overhead, and she let out a giddy cry.  “Garrus, look!”  
  
He joined her to see what had created such a reaction.  In front of his eyes, blinking in the scanner’s output, was the following line:  
  
**Element Zero Detected**  
  
“I’ll be damned,” he breathed.  A steel beam had driven a hole through the FTL drive core, preventing them from jumping through the nearest mass effect relay.  Eezo was the one key component that was missing to fix it.  Now, there was hope.  With this new discovery, they were one major step closer to going home.  
  
“We need to tell the others what’s going on.  Patch Shepard and Alenko’s team into the convo.  I’ll lead the rescue party, and we’ll send a research team to bring back what we need for the drive core.”  He cut Tali off with raised palm before she could protest.  “To hell with their superstitions.  Let them think I’m a dragon, but I’m sick of being quarantined like a rabid dog.”  
  
Letting out a soft sigh, Tali grabbed his hands in her own.  “I know.  Just be careful, alright?  We don’t know anything for sure yet, and you aren’t the most patient turian in the galaxy.”  Her fingers trailed up his arms, then his chest, to rest on his shoulders as she pressed herself against his armor.  His breath hitched as he cleared his throat to find his voice again.  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll be back before dinner.”  With a glint in his eyes, he touched his forehead to hers before turning his attention to the assignment at hand.

* * *

 

Kaidan listened in silence as Garrus’ baratone streamed through Vega’s omnitool.  They had joined a three-way call for a sitrep while Theresa and Morrigan took the dog on a mission to gather berries nearby.  The turian skipped the pleasantries.  “I have good news and bad news.  Which one do you want first?”    
  
Shepard’s voice broke in.  “Bad news.  Hit us with it.”  
  
“Oh Lola, do you always like it rough before dessert?” Vega joked.  Kaidan rolled his eyes in an attempt to stifle a smirk.  
  
“Shut up, Vega,” Shepard retorted, a smile evident in her voice.  “What is it, Garrus?”  
  
“Samantha Treynor’s gone missing.  I think the elves may have taken her as payback for how much we’ve had to mine to get the Normandy back online.  We don’t know that for sure, though.”  
  
“Are you serious?  They took Sam?” Vega’s face contorted into a grimace of outrage.  “If they hurt her..”  
  
“What we do know is that she’s fine,” Garrus reassured them.  “The Normandy’s scanners are back online and we picked up her signal in a cave a couple of klicks from here.”  
  
Kaidan’s adrenaline spiked as alarm spilled into his voice.  “Garrus listen to me.  Now that the ship’s scanners are functioning again, you need to turn off all biometric trackers.  That’s an order.  We found out that the darkspawn can use them to find us.”  
  
“Shit.”  Garrus’ response echoed Kaidan’s alarm.  “That’ll be the first thing we’ll do.”  
  
Anderson leaned into the conversation as he chewed a bite from a stale loaf of bread.  “I take it that fixing the scanners was the good news?”  
  
“Not only that,” Garrus replied.  “Our girl picked up eezo in those caves.”  
  
Vega let out a long whistle.  “Finally, we caught a break.  We’ll be able to get our bird back up to FTL speeds with that.”  
  
Kaiden offered up a silent prayer of thanks.  Now they were getting somewhere.    
  
Based on this new information, Shepard was quick to issue orders.  “Good work, Garrus.  Make sure to go in with containment fields and quarantine Sam until she’s detoxed.  She might have radiation poisoning if she’s been exposed for too long.  And stop mining until we can sort out what’s going on with the elves.”  
  
“You got it, Shepard, but I don’t want to wait long.  Our top priority should be getting the drive core fixed so we can get the hell out of here,” Garrus replied.  “Speaking of which, all of you stop lollygagging and get your asses back to the ship.  Normandy out.”  
  
Vega shook his head.  “Lollygagging?  Who says that?”  As they watched the ship’s connection fade from green to orange, Kaidan motioned for his lieutenant to hand over the omnitool.  “How are you, Shepard?”  
  
She answered while he walked out of earshot of the others.  “I’m worried about Sam, Kaidan.  If they’re starting to take hostages...”    
  
He clenched his teeth in anger at the thought of the specialist being forcibly taken from them.  The sooner they could get off of this planet, the better.  “We’ll find her, don’t worry.  As far as our negotiations with the Dalish, I’m hoping Theresa will be our ace in the hole with that.”    
  
“I thought I was your ace in the hole,” she countered playfully.  
  
He chuckled.  “To me, you always have and always will be.”  A pang of longing shot through him for the woman he loved more than life itself; he wasn’t nearly as good without her.  “God I miss you, Shepard.”  
  
“I miss you, too,” she replied softly.  “I have to go.  We just finished a quick lunch, and Alistair’s anxious to hit the road.  We’ll hopefully be at Redcliffe before dark.  Then we’ll be heading your way.”  
  
“Can you check in later?”  Kaidan turned his head to discover Theresa and Morrigan had just returned with armfuls of nature’s spoils from their walk.  
  
“You got it.  Love you.”  Before he had a chance to tell her the same, the connection was closed.  He pushed down a flicker of apprehension.   _We’ll be together again, soon,_  he assured himself.   _She’ll be fine.  She always is._  
  
Walking over to Vega and handing back the omnitool, Kaidan watched Theresa playfully giving the hound a belly rub and feeding him the last of her jerky.  He took a deep breath.  There was something he had to do before they could resume their march, something he should have done the night before but was too exhausted.  He approached their newest four-legged recruit with a warm smile.  
  
“What’s his name?”  
  
Theresa looked up from the mabari as her startled expression turned to pensiveness.  “Huh?  Oh, you mean him?”  She gave the animal a scratch behind the ears.  “I haven’t given him a name yet.”  
  
Kaidan knelt down and extended his upturned hand toward the dog in a show of repentance.  “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry, Theresa.  He took down a darkspawn for us, and I shouldn’t have been so reactive.”  Observing Kaidan warily, the hound sniffed, then accepted his atonement with a generous lick.  “I just didn’t know…”  
  
“Abelas,” she suddenly stated as she looked him in the eye.  
  
Kaidan paused.  “Excuse me?”  
  
“Abelas.  It means ‘I’m sorry’ in my people’s tongue.  I think it’s a fitting name, don’t you?”  
  
He nodded thoughtfully.  “Yes, I guess it is.”  Giving Abelas a sincere scratch under his chin, Kaidan began to stand.    
  
“Wait.”    
  
Before he could walk away, Theresa clutched his hand with hers as she held his gaze.  “I want you to know that I understand.  You did what you had to under the circumstances, and we both accept your apology.  Right boy?”  Abelas wagged his tail in agreement.  
  
Kaidan smiled with relief.  “Thank you.  That means a lot to me.”  Giving her hand a quick squeeze, he left her side to help his crew collect their packs before they continued their long journey to the Normandy.

* * *

“I’m sorry, my dear Alistair.  While I am overjoyed to see your face in such dark days, I can't spare a steed, not when our knights need them most.” Horsemaster Dennet ran his fingers through his hair with an apologetic expression as Alistair expelled a disappointed sigh.  “I can give you a place to lay your head for the night, at least.”  
  
We had ridden hard since early morning and arrived at the farms of Redcliffe before dusk. The horsemaster and his wife, Elaina, had welcomed Alistair with open arms, but without a direct order from the arl, he was bound to restrict access of his horses to the local soldiers of Redcliffe.    
  
Alistair smiled wearily. “Thank you. But we'd like to make our way to the castle before the day is done.”  
  
Elaina gasped as her hand shot out to clutch Alistair by the elbow.  “Oh no, but you can’t!” The expression on her face was filled with sorrow, her eyes downcast as she delivered the news. “The castle is filled with the undead that come out at night to attack the villagers until dawn. The arl's family is trapped inside, maybe dead.  No one has heard from them in days.”  She twisted her fingers together anxiously.  “If Bann Teagan is unsuccessful in driving the monsters out, Redcliffe will soon be overrun.”   
  
Alistair looked as if he had been struck a blow, and my heart dropped into my stomach like a hanged man. After dealing with the pain of losing his mentor, his friends, and being betrayed by Loghain, he now risked losing even more.  A light went out of his eyes as his frame slumped forward.  The weight was too heavy to bear, the burden too great to shoulder.  He was never prepared for any of this, but then again, how could one be?  It was trial by fire of the fiercest kind, and he would either bend or break.  As far as it depended on me, I was determined to make sure it was the former.  
  
Dennet grasped the Grey Warden by the shoulders as tears brimmed his eyes. “I'm so sorry that you return to your home to see it in such a state. Please, my boy, if there is anything you can do, help your countrymen. If you do that, you can have as many of my mounts as you wish.”  
  
“We need to find this Bann Teagan, then,” I stated resolutely.  “But we don’t have much time before nightfall.  We need to go.”  
  
As Alistair offered final embraces, handshakes, and ‘the Maker’s blessing’ to the family, Elaina reached out to cup his cheeks in her hands like a doting mother.  “You have grown into such a handsome man.  I regret that Seanna was not here to see you.  We have been sending her away to a place of safety every night since this madness began.  She still asks after you, you know.  Hopefully she will be here when you return, for she will be sorely disappointed to have missed you.”  
  
Alistair rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and I noticed his face was flushed.  “Yes, hopefully so.  Please give her my regards.”  
  
Purposefully dodging my inquisitive look, we left swiftly, mounting our already spent mare and urging her to give us one final gallop to Redcliffe Village.  
  
“I thought you said no one was waiting for you back home,” I voiced over the beating of hooves.  
  
“Master Dennet was the one who taught me to ride when I was a boy.  Seanna is his daughter, and we were very close when I was younger,” Alistair replied offhandedly.  “I know their family well.  He’ll be true to his word if we survive this accursed place.”  
  
Knowing we had more important matters ahead, I dropped the subject to focus on the task at hand.  The sky burned red with the setting sun as we rounded a hill, and farmland soon gave way to wooden huts.  A waterwheel paddled lazily in a nearby creek’s current, the only movement to be seen as we entered the center of town.  
  
“They must be hiding from the oncoming attack.  But where?”  I stated, perplexed.  
  
Turning around in full circle, Alistair brows knit into a frown.  He thought for a moment, then snapped his fingers.  “Where would one hide from the most unholy of creatures but sacred ground?  The Chantry.  Follow me.”  
  
Banging on the barred wooden entrance three times, we were greeted by a tiny square peep-door being opened ever so slightly, one petrified eye staring back at us.  “Who are you?”  
  
Alistair bowed slightly.  “We’re soldiers looking for Bann Teagan.  Tell him Alistair wishes to speak with him.”  
  
The small door shut abruptly, and we stood in silence.  Alistair paced the front steps anxiously, his hands on his hips and eyes to the ground.  After several moments, the main doors swung wide and a man that I assumed to be Bann Teagan stepped forward, clasping my companion’s shoulders warmly.  A broken smile spread over his face.  “Alistair?  Is that really you?”  
  
Alistair returned the gesture.  “Bann Teagan.  It’s good to see you here, although I’m sorry we couldn’t meet again under happier circumstances.”  He motioned for me to step forward.  “This is Shepard, a fellow soldier at Ostegar.  Shepard, Bann Teagan is the arl’s brother.”  
  
Bowing in a way that I had learned was a sign of respect in this land, I cast my eyes downward.  “A pleasure to meet you.  We’d like to help however we can.”  
  
He nodded slightly as I straightened my posture, his red rimmed eyes taking a moment to linger on my features.  “Then help you shall.  Follow me.”  
  
We entered the Chantry, refuge to the women, children, and elderly of the village.  Makeshift aid stations had been created to tend to the wounded; it brought back powerful memories of the refugees on the Citadel.  
  
I caught a waving hand out of the corner of my eye and turned to see Leliana bounding toward us.  She was regaled in leather armor with her blades sheathed on her back, and my jaw went slack at the sight of her.  “Leliana!  How could you have possibly gotten here before us?”  
  
“You’re here!  I’m so glad.  I was afraid you might have changed your mind.”  She smiled with excitement.  “I took a shortcut.”  
  
“A shortcut,” Alistair repeated blandly while giving me a sideways glance.   _There’s more to her than meets the eye,_  I thought.  
  
Turning our attention back to Teagan, Alistair clasped the man on the shoulder in a show of support.  “Master Dennet told us about the attacks.  I’m sorry.”  
  
The bann sighed wearily.  “Your arrival may already be too late.  Arl Eamon is gravely ill.  No one has heard from the castle in days, no guards patrol the walls, and no one has responded to my shouts.  The attacks started a few nights ago.  Evil…things, rotting corpses with a hunger for human flesh, surge from the castle…” His features took on a haunted look as he swallowed hard.  “We drove them back, but many perished in the assault.  Each night, they attack with more numbers, and we fear that tonight will be the worst yet.”  With a heavy heart, he looked to the Alistair.  “Knowing all this, are you still willing to help us?”  
  
Alistair nodded grimly.  “Tell us where we are most needed, and we will see it done.”  
  
A young boy came running toward us, gasping for breath.  “It’s starting!  They’re coming!”  
  
Teagan acknowledged the boy and turned back to us with an expression betraying his fear.  “Please, get to the castle if you can.  Whatever is causing this madness has its root there.  Our men will try to clear a path.  Hurry, and Maker be with you.”  With a forced smile of appreciation mixed with regret, Teagan sent us on our way.  
  
Moonlight cast bars of silver light through the clouds, illuminating our surroundings with an eerie glow.  Hearing the sound of steel and battle cries in the distance, I bid that Alistair and Leliana follow me toward the fray.  I commanded them as we ran.  “I have the most protective armor, so let me lead.  Flank when you can, but most importantly, don’t fight unless you have to.”  I saw Castle Redcliffe looming in the distance, a fortress of dominating strength now haven to unspeakable evil.  Ahead of us was a throng of soldiers being pushed back by what appeared to be the walking dead.  Despite what should have been fatal injuries, the zombies continued their onslaught unabated.    
  
As we drew nearer, bile bubbled up my throat that I forced down with a hard swallow.  “Shit.”  
  
“What is it?” Alistair questioned as I felt a hand on my shoulder tugging me to a halt.  
  
Turning to face my companions, I rubbed my hand across my face as I quickly tried to explain.  “Those aren’t just animated corpses.  Where I’m from, they’re called husks.”  These, however, seemed more organic in nature, lacking the cybernetics of the Collector-produced husks I encountered on Horizon.   _How the hell are they operating without tech?_   It was a question I didn’t have time to ponder.  “All you need to know is that they can communicate with the Reaper…archdemon,” I corrected after a confused look from Leliana.  “Once those things know we’re here, so will it.  That means that whatever we do, we need to do it fast.”  
  
Leliana concurred as she unsheathed her daggers.  “Alright, Shepard.  We will be right behind you.”  
  
With a practiced flick of my wrist, a razor-sharp omniblade materialized over my forearm.  At that moment, my omnitool began to vibrate with an incoming connection request from ‘James Vega’.  I swore under my breath when a notification alerted me that it was his third attempt in the past several hours.  Against my better judgment, I swiped left to disregard the call and turned back to my party.  
  
“Aim for the neck, sever the spinal column.  That’s the fastest way to take them down.”   
  
My omnitool vibrated again, and I bit my lip in irritation.  Giving Alistair and Leliana an apologetic look, I reluctantly answered.  
  
“Shepard, what's going on?”  
  
“Kaidan, I really can’t talk right now.”  
  
“Damn it, don’t give me that.  Something went wrong, didn’t it?”  
  
Alistair’s eyes flicked impatiently from me to the soldiers being beaten back.  We couldn’t waste another moment.  “Look, I’m fine.  I’ll explain later.”  
  
Cutting off Kaidan’s reply, I hastily ended the connection and turned back to my companions.  “Sorry about that.  Let’s go.”  After exchanging grim looks of determination, we resumed our charge to aid the overwhelmed soldiers with the fight.  
  
As we drew nearer to the chaos, the amulet around my neck began to vibrate through my chest.  Startled, I tried to continue my pace, but the hum intensified to resonate with every nerve in my being.  The closer I came to the undead creatures, the more discomfort turned to pain, and I suddenly fell to my knees before them with a strangled cry.  
  
“Shepard!”  Alistair skidded to a halt beside me as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.  Leliana shielded us, her daggers raised as the husks attacked.  I dug my fingers into my skull in desperation; the feeling jolting through me felt like I was being electrocuted from the inside out.  
  
Flemeth’s words returned to me.  _You must learn to control it._  
  
Time slowed down, the beating of my heart the only sound echoing in my ears.  Alistair was shouting something beside me, his mouth wide and nostrils flared.  He swung his sword in a wide arc as he drew me into his chest protectively.  With every fiber of my being, I bucked against the force tearing me apart atom by atom.  I wanted to push him away, to warn him that it was too strong, too dangerous to be near me, but all I could do was scream in agony with a voice I couldn’t hear.  
  
_Justice._   Tangled along the edge of my senses that were ripping to shreds, I started to feel him in a way I could never hope to explain to another living soul.  It was as though he were an alternate side of me, with me but apart from me.  The Veil remained between us, but my actions were his actions, my thoughts his thoughts.  What I bound in the world, he bound in the Fade, and what I loosed, he loosed as well.  The relentless force that had threatened to be my undoing moments before finally settled into the very depths of my soul, mind, body, will…every sense had been cleaved to its very foundation to be alighted with a new understanding.  I had been reborn.  
  
With every new breath, I could feel Justice moving on the other side of the Veil, empowering me with his resolve.  Opening my new eyes for the first time, I broke away from Alistair’s grasp and slowly stood to my feet.  
  
Striding forward with purpose, I stood exposed with nothing but my own raw power.  I reached out my hand and Justice snatched control from the husks with the authority that was ours to command, crushing them out of the realm of the living.  Raising my fist toward the corpses rushing toward me, I sent a shockwave like a flare down the path ahead, casting out demons, rending each spirit from its stolen body and back into the Fade.  
  
I heard Alistair’s voice faintly, as though calling from a great distance.  Letting my arms fall limply to my sides, I jolted as if awakening from a trance, abruptly perceiving my surroundings.    
  
_That’s how they’re functioning._   I suddenly understood.  For whatever reason, technology and cybernetics didn’t exist on this planet.  Instead, the Reapers had found a way to tap an altogether different power only the Fade could give – the power of spirits and demons.  If that was true, the Reapers could build an army of nearly unstoppable proportions.  
  
Shouts of victory filled my ears, and the smell of burning flesh made my stomach churn.  Looking ahead of me, I saw bodies of both soldiers and those long dead intertwined.  I acutely realized what I had just done, and it came with a price.  My head throbbed like I had drunk an entire bottle of Batarian shard wine and my body felt as though it had been brutally beaten.  I slumped to the ground in a crumpled heap, my forehead hitting the dry dirt with a heavy thud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know when you write something and every time you read through it, you change it? Yeah, so this chapter was edited about 50 times and I just...need...to...let...it...GO. It'll never be perfect, or at least, my idea of perfect. Oh well. I got my plot points across.
> 
> And hopefully (another one of those things that I changed over and over) Kaidan doesn't sound like a jerk in this chapter. But in my mind, Shepard's being pretty jerky by blowing off his every call, and when she finally answers, he's just HAD IT ALREADY. She gets so hyper-focused on what she's doing, she blocks out everything (and everyone) else, and always thinks she has everything under control. In her mind, she doesn't need to explain what went wrong because he should just trust her. But, of course, she's DIED before on his watch and he's extremely worried about her safety; not being able to track her vitals is driving him NUTS. Like how I'd feel if someone cut off my coffee supply and internet connection. I'd be...NOT HAPPY.
> 
> So...there you have it! That's probably enough of my personal commentary; if I write well enough, I shouldn't have to explain myself, am I right? Right.
> 
> The song for this chapter is "Strength of a Thousand Men" by Two Steps from Hell, which I picture playing while Shepard and Alistair are galloping at a break-neck pace toward Redcliffe Village and subsequently confronting the husks.


End file.
